D.U.F.F.*

bad-hair-cartoon

It is reported that standing next to an ugly person makes you appear more beautiful.

Some university research,
At risk it might some folk besmirch,
Has found that if you have a friend,
Who for Miss World would not contend,
Then if she’s standing by your side,
She will your imperfections hide.

I should say roundabout this point,
So noses aren’t put out of joint,
That though the word I’ve used is ‘she’,
It also does apply to ‘he’.

Just wanted to make that quite clear,
Because I do not want to hear,
A load of really pointless cant,
That this is just a sexist rant.

So, for example, let us say,
You have an interview today,
And having done your hair bouffant,
You ask a friend to tag along.

P’rhaps better not to tell him (see!) why,
Or straight away he’ll say ‘goodbye’,
So you must have a good excuse,
From which he never will deduce,
The reason that he’s sitting there,
Is ’cos he’s just got rotten hair.

There is another problem too,
The chap who’s interviewing you,
May also start to wonder why,
You’ve brought along this other guy.

This is more tricky to explain,
You could make out it is arcane,
Or just ignore it all throughout,
And simply try to bluff it out.

And if you do succeed this way,
The only thing I have to say,
Is that you haven’t dropped a blob,
And so you ought to get the job.

* Designated Ugly Fat Friend if you haven’t seen the film

Image – http://www.bbc.co.uk

Find all Ebenezer Bean’s books on Amazon.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Ddigital-text&field-keywords=ebenezer+bean&rh=n%3A341677031%2Ck%3Aebenezer+bean

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