It is reported that the Roman city walls in Chester are being damaged by drunken revellers weeing on them and the City Council has painted parts of them with a special paint which increases splashback as a deterrent to such antisocial behaviour.

Chester is an historic town.
Has features there of world renown,
Its city walls are really large,
Built back when Romans were in charge.

They built them high and built them strong,
So they would last so very long,
And if Welsh armies should attack,
They’d fight them off and send them back.

The Welsh are now more civilised,
As some by now have realised,
And so this famous Roman wall,
Serves little purpose there at all.

But some folk, maybe not from Wales,
Go out at night consuming ales,
And if they miss the last bus home.
They pee against the walls of Rome.

This is unsightly, also smells,
It stops them weeing on themselves,
But as they do this every day,
The mortar starts to wear away.

Romans would not know what to do,
In fact they wouldn’t have a clue,
So their solution probably,
To stop those who would have a pee,
Would be excuses to refute,
And possibly to execute.

Today this would be too severe,
For someone who’d drunk too much beer,
And so some kinder action’s right,
For people caught short late at night.

The answer’s hydrophobic paint,
Which once applied looks rather faint,
But when weed on has an effect,
The perpetrators don’t expect.

It causes foreign liquids to,
Splash back onto one’s pants and shoe,
As an incentive, makers claim,
Not to repeat the same again.

So let your watchword be, ‘Take care’,
If you are caught short in the square;
You might get wet and not from rain,
But if you must go ’cos of pain,
It’s better to be dry than wet,
So do learn to control the jet.

Image – Wikimedia commons

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