It is reported that Edinburgh City Council is examining the possibility of using silent fireworks at its Hogmanay celebrations.

The Scottish people you may know,
Are keen on new year’s eve and so,
When midnight on that day comes round,
They all of them feel duty bound,
To have a party with a band,
Which carries on while they can stand.

The bands in question may not be,
Quite our idea of harmony,
For ignoring complaints and gripes,
They serenade us with bagpipes.

I’ve heard them sometimes pretty loud,
And each time I have been avowed,
When they play in key E or F,
To pray that I might please go deaf.

But back now to the first of Jan,
They like to have then if they can,
Some fireworks that all bang and flash,
Which ’cos they’re pricey is quite rash.

Now any firework as you know,
Affects four of our senses so,
We see the light, we hear the sound,
We taste the smoke that floats around,
And finally there is the smell,
Which everybody gets as well.
But that is it, well pretty much,
’Cos we must not blue paper touch.

But in their capital that’s quaint,
It seems there has been some complaint,
From one who likes not any bang,
When he is singing the Auld Lang.

The City Council hearing this,
Should simply this complaint dismiss,
But they seem now resolved to find,
Fireworks of quite a different kind,
That make no noise when they are lit –
Just flash a bit and that is it.

But really they should look elsewhere,
For noise which might pollute the air,
For worse by far is any type,
Of Scotsman playing his bagpipe,
For when the pipes begin to wail,
It really is beyond the pale!

Image – Wikimedia commons

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