It is reported that the Government is considering providing rail replacement buses driven by soldiers during the Southern Rail train drivers strikes.

“Hold very tight please now, Ding! Ding!
For when I press on this bell thing,
The driver knows we’re ready so,
It’s now OK for him to go.

He’ll let his clutch out very slow,
Then the bus will not jerk and so,
Those of you standing on the stair,
Will not all come a cropper there.

Our journey might be rather long,
But if you’re bored just sing a song,
And if you find it is a pain,
It’s ’cos we’re slower than the train.

I will not give you spin and spoof,
In fact that’s only half the truth,
For we’ve a system – hub and spoke –
To get you safely to the smoke.

So first we must go to the hub,
And I can tell you there’s the rub,
’Cos though we will not long there stay,
Some of them can be far away.

But never mind, we’ve satnavs three,
And programmed in their memory,
The first hub is in Abidjan,
And then on to Afghanistan.

From there it should be sailing, plain,
A lot of sunshine, not much rain,
It will take time to get you back,
And so I hope you’ve brought a snack.

So settle down now and relax,
The bus is free, paid for by tax,
And next week we’ll see who complains,
About the state of Southern’s trains!”

Image – wikipedia

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