It is reported that Alan Titchmarsh, the gardener, has said he regrets persuading so many people to convert their lawns into decking in his TV programmes at the end of the last century.

So Alan Titchmarsh is or was,
A popular gardener because,
He’d renovate a garden patch,
At speeds that others couldn’t match.

He dug out the old plants and trees,
With liberal use of JCBs,
And then replaced such things with lots,
Of plants in borders, some in pots.

But one thing that he always liked,
Which gave the garden extra height,
Was wooden decking which was quick,
And hence erected in a tick.

This covered up the lawn and path,
But later on the aftermath,
Was half our gardens, maybe more,
Had got this sort of wooden floor.

For nature it’s quite likely that,
It did degrade some habitat,
But it was popular with rats,
That liked to live beneath the slats.

But at length Titchmarsh saw the light,
A lawn was really quite all right,
And he says when he’s dead and gone,
Someone will fix some decking on,
The grave where he is laid to rest,
He only hopes ’twill be the best.

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