DAMN JAM!

Jam

It is reported that recent research has found that we become stronger if we swear, especially where opening jars of jam is concerned.

“So ‘tamper evident’ it says,
As you try all of the known ways,
To open up your jar of jam,
’Cos you prefer the stuff to Spam.

You grip it tight then turn and twist,
But still you’ll likely sprain your wrist,
And there’s no difference left or right,
Because it’s been put on too tight.

The robots in the factory where,
The jam is made seem not to care,
They have instructions that they heed,
And must have been programmed for speed.”

“So what’s the answer?” you might ask,
“To cope now with this age-old task?
For if I only had my way,
I could have jam for tea today.”

“I’m pleased you asked because I know,
What you should do before you go,
To open up that pesky jar,
And bugger off then to the bar.

I hope my words do not offend,
I s’pose just one I could amend,
But that would be a self-defeat,
If I was wanting jam to eat.

For recent research has now said,
That opening jam or other spread,
Is more effective if you swear –
Perhaps at robots that don’t care.

Rude words, it seems, do make us strong,
When spoken in most any tongue,
So cursing’s the best way by far,
To open almost any jar.”

“But why?” you ask, “this sounds like rot,
For otherwise that foul-mouthed Scot –
You know the one, it’s Frankie Boyle,
At whose words listeners may recoil,
And which one can’t repeat in verse,
Would now be Mr Universe!”

Image – ArtsyBee / Pixabay / anr

 

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