It is reported that B&Q has been selling defective Valspar paint which has a very distinctive and unfortunate odour.

When painting you expect some smell,
Solvent and other things as well,
But paint that’s smelling like a fart,
Is not quite what you want for art.

And if it also smells like wee,
Then even if the paint were free,
You might not want it on your wall,
Or even in the house at all.

Imagine then if you’ve just bought,
Some tins of paint with some forethought,
As to what colour suits the wife,
For the next five years of her life.

With said paint used you ask her in,
To see what once was in the tin,
But while she should inspect by eye,
Instead she checks the surface by,
The use of other means as well,
Especially her sense of smell.

She cries and gasps, “The odour’s foul!”
Her face displays a dreadful scowl,
And though the colour is first-rate,
The smell she cannot tolerate.

So you’re despatched back to the shop,
Which has been caught quite on the hop,
But they’ve talked to the makers who,
Have told them what you need to do.

“Just get some more paint – different sort –
And quickly after that you ought,
To cover up the faulty stuff,

For which two coats should be enough.

The smell will then be hid from view,
No need then to the makers sue,
And after two coats, not just one,
The smell should pretty much be gone.”

But customers are not so sure,
Don’t think that is a proper cure,
And some of them are now resolved,
To see the problem really solved.

What this may be we don’t yet know,
To stop it smelling like a po,
But there’ll be more that they can do,
If you go back to B&Q.


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