SHORT SENTENCES

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It is reported that a man in Bristol was given a prison sentence of fifty minutes for smashing a window with a broom and running away. During his short sentence he was ordered to write a letter of apology to his victim. Whether his letter also had short sentences is not reported.

If you want to commit a crime,
And then not do a lot of time,
You’re advised not to burgle cash –
Far better to a window smash.

And if you smash it with a broom,
You’re likely not to meet your doom,
Because, though it’s beyond the pale,
You will not spend much time in jail.

A magistrate in court one day,
Told one man he’d be put away,
For fifty minutes, that was all,
Because his crime was rather small.

But while banged up there in his cell,
He had to write a note to tell,
His victim that he did regret,
His actions which made her upset.

So once inside he took his pen,
Read what the judge said once again,
And on some paper which was white,
He settled down the note to write.

But our friend was a wily soul,
And thought that he might get parole,
As soon as he the note had writ,
And so he should get on with it.

And so he did but also he,
Thought even quicker he’d be free,
If he wrote sentences quite short,
Which were not ruled out by the court.

So he kept phrases short all round,
And consequently quickly found,
That pretty much like lightning greased,
He very quickly was released.

Is this a record? Likely yes.
But really this is just a guess,
And if you want to know for sure,
If someone else served minutes fewer,
Well then I have for you a task –
To go and Guinness Records ask.

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