P-P-P-PICK UP A PENGUIN

Penguins

It is reported that the Falkland islanders are worried that they may lose EU funds which they use to look after penguins after Brexit.

The Falkland islanders are tough,
Because the weather there is rough,
And as you will read in these words,
So are the local penguin birds.

They turn up each year without fail,
Arriving via swim, not sail,
And islanders will give them aid –
Some voluntary, it’s not all paid.

Some money comes from the EU,
But now with Brexit there’s a view,
That nasty Europeans will,
Be awkward and not pay the bill.

So, with this problem, what to do?
A million penguins is not few;
If Brussels will not pay its share,
The penguins then must look elsewhere.

Now one recalled when he had been
Out fishing that he thought he’d seen,
Some pictures of him in the sea,
Discarded after someone’s tea.

“I do not think!” He told his friend,
“The cameraman did quite intend,
So many pictures there should be,
And all to end up in the sea.

So maybe we could charge a fee,
For each consumed for someone’s tea,
And with the number that I saw,
We’ll have much more cash than before.

So that is what we ought to do,
The EU will not have a clue,
And we, the penguins, will survive,
And despite Brexit even thrive!”

BUGGE(RE)D

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It is reported that the EU thinks that its Brexit discussions are being bugged by the British Secret Service.

As if things were not bad enough,
With all this Euro Brexit stuff,
It has now recently transpired,
That the EU thinks that it’s wired.

By ‘wired’ they mean there is a bug,
That might just help to pull the rug,
From under them as Brexit looms,
And countries set off to their dooms.

The British say, “But have no fear,
We don’t need to do that round here;
For documents you will not give,
Your own side leaks them like a sieve.

And do remember, if you will,
The Downing Street dinner that still,
Annoys us for on the next day,
You leaked all that we had to say.”

The EU says, “We don’t mean that.
We were then round the table sat,
Consuming food with knives and forks –
We mean instead our private talks.

No matter what the means or ends,
You shouldn’t eavesdrop on your friends,
When they are planning what to do,
And how they might the British screw.”

The British said, “Our friends are few,
We used to have more, it is true;
But your behaviour has of late,
Been spiteful to the British State.

So ‘friends’ is not the word to use,
Of that we must you disabuse;
Your attitude’s not friendly so,
You must be either fiend or foe.

And as for claiming we bugged you,
You know spy people never do,
Comment in any shape or form,
And that has always been the norm.

But one thing that we might point out,
To you there in the Land of Sprout:
Any bugs in all likelihood,
Have so far not done us much good!”

NO-DEAL BREXIT? NO BLT!

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It is reported that a spokesman for the British Sandwich Association has warned that sandwiches may be in short supply after a no-deal Brexit.

If you like sandwiches you may,
Be really dreading Brexit day,
And wondering if they’ll still be,
Available to have for tea.

Well, now the answer’s come today,
The Sandwich ’Ssociation say,
“Brexit might mean there is no veg,
To go with cheese – a slice, not wedge.”

But others say, “That is just tosh,
For sandwiches, though plain or posh,
Can be made with all sorts of stuff,
Some quite refined and others rough.

So after Brexit don’t despair,
The sandwich will be everywhere,
With fillings savoury or sweet,
And all still just as good to eat.”

TO LIKE OR NOT TO LIKE …

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It is reported that Donald Trump has been giving conflicting messages about what he thinks of Theresa May and Brexit.

Our Donald, who’s not far from here,
Is not always completely clear,
What he means when he tweets or speaks,
Including when he gives critiques.

He doesn’t approve of the way,
That our PM, that’s Mrs May,
Is handling Brexit (go or stay),
Or at least didn’t yesterday.

He said she’s got the whole thing wrong,
But then before so very long,
(By which I really mean quite soon),
It seems he had a change of tune.

Right now, he says , she’s doing good,
Since he’s advised her so she should,
And, as he said before Blenheim,
Most anything’s OK with him.

That is not all, I could say more,
Of things like this – at least a score,
For every day he seems to say,
Something he later blows away.

The consequence of this is that,
One really knows not where he’s at,
And so one doesn’t get too bored,
His comments might be best ignored.

So there I’ll end, good as my word,
I will write no more words absurd;
There’s no doubt that he’ll speak again,
This most peculiar of men.

JEAN CLAUDE DRUNKER?

Juncker cartoon

It is reported that the President of the European Commission was unsteady on his feet as he arrived at an official NATO function yesterday and had to be supported by the French President and other heads of state to prevent him falling over, which would have been almost as embarrassing as pictures of him struggling to stand up. A spokesman said his unsteadiness was due to sciatica, (not drink) … hic.

One Luxembourger likes his wine,
The types he drinks are very fine,
So not for him the Spanish plonk –
That’s far too prone to make one honk.

But though it might not make one ill,
Too many glasses likely will,
Make one unsteady on one’s feet,
When walking down the road or street.

So people then began to talk,
About Herr Juncker’s wobbly walk,
Because, it seemed, it could be due,
To glasses drunk – more than a few.

“Why, no,” his spokesman said quite quick,
“If you think that you’re pretty thick.
Sciatica is what he’s got,
In fact he suffers quite a lot.

His problem is sciatic pain,
Which he’s got used to in the main,
And so, though hard to reconcile,
He often manages a smile.

So talk of drink is premature,
He only drinks one glass or fewer,
So if you see him with some drink,
Well, that’s Ribena, I should think.”

Image – DonkeyHotey / Flickr

TRUMP ON THE WARPATH

Trump 1

It is reported that Donald Trump has berated most European members of NATO and especially the stinking rich Germans for spending too little on defence.

The Trump is over here today,
In Brussels first then a foray,
To Britain to play golf and scoff,
And also tell the PM off.

About what subject matters not,
He’ll tweet it first and then, guess what,
He’ll talk with what charm he’s imbued,
Which means he’s likely to be rude.

But back to NATO where today,
He told the others they should pay,
And not just sponge from day to day,
On spending by the USA.

For far too long they hadn’t paid,
And as he said in his tirade,
They really had to up their game,
And then pay pretty much the same
As he does in proportion to,
The value of the things they do.

But singled out for special ire,
That easily could pay much higher,
Was Germany that he did say,
Not only does it little pay ,
But in the background it bankrolls,
The Russian state and all its goals.

They do this dint of buying gas,
Which really does seem pretty crass,
For somewhere there’s a smartphone app,
With which they can turn off the tap.

So Germany and others too,
Must be quite careful what they do,
Or they might find, alack, alas,
That suddenly they’ve got no gas.

And this is Donald’s case in point,
That’s put his nose right out of joint,
For though it has been rare before,
This could start economic war.

This might then be twixt friends or foes,
Because the Brexit process shows,
That one side might use as a ploy,
The other to try to destroy,
Even though it would in that case,
Cut off its nose to spite its face!

UNDERMINING DEMOCRACY

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It is reported that Donald Tusk, President of the European Council, possibly in connection with Donald Trump’s call for Russia to be readmitted to the G7 group of industrialised nations, has said that Donald Trump is ‘playing into the hands’ of those who want to undermine democracy.

Now Donald Tusk’s a kindly sort,
But when his namesake said they ought,
To admit Russia once again,
He said that he should use his brain,
And make Putin now bide his time,
Because he tries to undermine,
Democracy here in the West,
And can, therefore, be quite a pest.

All the above is likely true,
But one thing should be plain to you,
Which is that he and the EU,
Are undermining it all too.

For in Brexit the EU still,
Determined to defeat the will,
Of British people to secede,
Refuses to their voices heed.

It’s done this several times before,
Insisting voters vote some more,
Until people – that’s me and you –
Vote as we’re told by the EU.

It’s not just Brexit, though, because,
When Italy in turmoil was,
The EU told them that they can,
Not have a eurosceptic man,
Or woman as their next PM,
So they would have to choose again.

And then, of course, remember Greece?
The EU was intent to fleece,
The country for all that it had,
Which really was so very bad,
When Greeks had voted to be free,
In the home of democracy.

While former votes, French, Irish, Dutch,
Did not, in fact, amount to much,
As all were told to go away,
And vote again another day.

But the EU should just beware:
It hasn’t been elected there,
And dictatorial regimes,
Oppressing people, so it seems,
And stopping those that want to leave,
Should know such people are aggrieved.

And history tells regimes like this,
All, in due time, find they’re dismissed,
Except ones which their people shoot,
To make sure more don’t follow suit.

I’m not suggesting that they would,
Shoot citizens and spill their blood,
So history teaches that, perhaps,
The EU will, one day, collapse.

On that day many will rejoice,
Regain their democratic voice,
But what the future might then be,
We will just have to wait and see