BREXIT-TRIGGERED PSYCHOSIS

Doctor

It is reported that a doctor has identified a first case of ‘Brexit-triggered psychosis’ in one of his patients.

Some days ago I said that I,
Would ignore Brexit – do or die,
And now it seems my view was sound,
Because a doctor has since found,
A mental health state in a man,
Which he is pretty sure began,
After the referendum poll,
Which did upset him on the whole.

You’ll find it in the BMJ,
(That’s Brit Med Journal by the way)
Which I suggest you go and read,
For accuracy’s guaranteed.

But who might this poor person be?
And is it he or maybe she?
I do not know so cannot say,
And protocols we have today,
Would not allow me to disclose,
In verse as here or yet in prose,
Because of his insanity,
… And confidentiality.

But While I really could not say,
A guessing game is under way,
Which to this doctor’s great dismay,
Might one day give the game away.

Reporters will now look for clues,
Like, ‘Can we say the kind of shoes?’
Or with the doctor in despair,
Perhaps he has got yellow hair.

But that is it, I can’t say more,
Than you have read hereinbefore,
But maybe the important thing,
Is check if it’s at all catching!

For if it is you’ll need a jab,
So not to end up on the slab,
But maybe it’s still not OK,
And better just to stay away.

So that’s my policy for now,
As I now take another bow,
And hope things will soon be improved,
With Brexit from the news removed!

CROSS WORDS

gun

It is reported that on the Andrew Marr show on 29 September it was suggested that the Prime Minister’s use of language that might be considered to encourage violence such as ‘surrender’ (more likely to reduce violence in a military context?), and ‘humbug’ (mint projectiles at dawn?) should be calmed down. In the event, the programme discussed very little else and bad language emanating from supporters of the other side of the House such as ‘coup’, ‘hanged’, ‘drawn’, ‘quartered’ ‘lamppost’ and ‘bollocks’ seemed somehow to have escaped attention.

So language is the things we say,
We mostly use some words each day,
But enemies will soon complain,
Especially those for Remain.

This happened big time just last week,
Where in the Commons those that speak,
Decided that they ought to shout,
To try to drown the others out.

And in addition words were used,
That should, perhaps, not be excused,
And this has started quite a row,
With lots of ‘holier than thou’.

Then people called for increased calm,
To minimise the risk of harm,
From people who might hurl abuse,
And use these words as an excuse.

Now by the weekend all this was,
A problem for TV because,
The way reporters work today,
Exaggerates what they all say.

So playing down was now the theme,
But like those things we call a meme,
They all had to exaggerate,
Or try their best at any rate.

Except, that is, for Boris J,
Who diligently said that they,
Should tone it down and not portray,
Words in such an unseemly way.

But all the while he was drowned out,
By Andrew Marr who didn’t shout,
But constantly did interrupt,
These calmer answers to obstruct.

So all in all, not very good,
The interviewer really should,
Have minimised what all did say,
So that these words might fade away.

But on a broader note, perhaps,
Our metaphors might all collapse,
As some of them will now be seen,
As rabble rousing or obscene.

But really, it’s not words but deeds,
That will most likely sow the seeds,
Of protest where some folk’s intent,
Is always to be violent.

So as you go about your life,
Alone, maybe, or with the wife,
Of metaphors, both you and her,
Don’t dare say ‘shoot the messenger’!

LOO ROLLS

Toilet rolls

It is reported that Brexit planning will prevent shortages of most things but toilet rolls are especially vulnerable to unnecessary panic buying. Could the decision of the Supreme Court hinge on our propensity for buying extra toilet tolls?

From time to time both me and you,
Have need to make use of the loo,
And when we do we like to see,
A roll for you and one for me.

But loo rolls are for common use,
So let’s not now be too obtuse;
If there is one we’ll always share,
But it’s still nice to have a spare.

But now it’s found that we import,
Most of these rolls so if the Court,
Does not block Brexit which is tough,
It might be thought there’s not enough.

We all might start to panic then,
Instead of one start buying ten,
Then when there’s nothing on the shelf,
And no-one to blame but oneself,
Someone somewhere is bound to claim,
It must be Brexit that’s to blame.

It’s possible that this is true,
But when somebody needs the loo,
There ought to be a good supply,
As long as we don’t panic buy.

RIOTING IN PARLIAMENT

Crowd cartoon

It is reported that opposition MPs staged a riot during the prorogation of Parliament.

If you think MPs are polite,
You should have seen them late last night,
When after praise at Bercow’s end,
Whose excellence they did contend,
They staged a protest in the House,
Where normally they sit and grouse.

Black Rod came in, they wouldn’t move,
Because they just did not approve,
That Parliament should be shut down,
By Boris who looks like a clown.

The Oppos. stood, each sang a song,
Aiming to Parliament prolong;
To objections they seemed immune,
And neither could they sing in tune.

The songs they chose were Welsh and Scot,
But that which really beat the lot,
Was The Red Flag which gives a clue,
As to what Corbyn might just do,
If ever he becomes PM,
And gets the keys to Number Ten.

Eventually they shuffled off,
While many viewers simply scoffed,
At childish antics they could see,
All broadcast now on World TV.

PURDAH

Fighting

It is reported that the uncertainties around Brexit have now become so intolerable that Ebenezer Bean may go into a period of self-imposed purdah and refrain from writing about it until all is clear. Could be in for a long break.

So purdah, like prorogue’s a word,
That most of us had never heard,
Until the recent ballyhoo,
Brought both of them out into view.

Prorogue we discussed days ago,
So now let’s take the other mot,
And trying not to get confused,
See just how this word should be used.

I think in parlance it might mean,
The period that’s in between,
The time when an election’s called,
And the date on which voting falls.

And in this intervening time,
No business should in prose or rhyme,
Be carried out because they say,
The winners who will then hold sway,
Might want most of such things undone,
When they have scarce their plans begun.

So back to me, the stress is bad,
About the worst I’ve ever had,
And so with purdah from hereon,
I’ll write no verse – and I mean none –
About this Brexit every day,
Until the whole thing’s gone away.

What else to write? There’s lots to choose,
And always something in the news;
Not sure to what they will relate,
But not the big affairs of state.

So check my blogs each day you can,
Throughout my little Brexit ban,
And I will do my very best,
To make sure you don’t get depressed.

That’s some tall order now I think,
But don’t yet reach out for the drink,
It could be I am not that smart,
But banning Brexit is a start.

JACK RUSSELL TERRIFIER

Dog 1

It is reported that 10 Downing Street has a new occupant called Dilyn with a fierce reputation.

Ten Downing Street has got a cat,
But you already knew of that,
He is called Larry, comes and goes,
Another fact everyone knows.

But from today there is a dog –
A change from just another mog –
And if you ask what type of breed,
It’s just the one the Johnsons’ need.

She’s a Jack Russell, fierce too,
Would like to sink her teeth in you,
Or maybe, too, in someone’s leg,
While other dogs just sit and beg.

The dog will likely instil fear,
In anyone who gets too near,
And so one would indeed be bold,
To not to do as one is told.

She’ll ministers in order keep,
Might nip them if they fall asleep,
And though debate might be well-meant,
She will not tolerate dissent.

But there’s another reason why,
This dog is sort of do or die,
Because it seems quite plain to me,
That after or before her tea,
She’ll have to most days walkies go,
With her new master, Boris Jo.

And since she’s fierce so she can guard,
The Premier in that regard,
So that she can now earn her keep,
As bodyguard but on the cheap!

PRO-ROGUE

Big Ben

It is reported that at the request of the Prime Minister the Queen has prorogued parliament for a few extra days in September.

For months Remainers have tried to,
Restrict what Government can do,
As it tries for an exit way,
That Parliament will find OK.

They’ve tried the tricks there in the book,
To get our Boris on the hook;
They say a ‘no deal’ they’ll prevent,
And so reduce their discontent.

Such tricks, though they have largely failed,
And very few have at them railed,
When Government then actions take,
By extending the autumn break,
They all complain, “It’s a deceit!”
And start protesting in the street.

But all these folk, we should recall,
Do not want us to leave at all,
And others, doubtless on a whim,
Are commies simply joining in.

So Boris hopefully has done,
His homework and not just begun,
So he can see the best way through,
And which route is best to pursue.

Expect much more in days to come,
With time in court and still then some;
How it pans out we’ll have to see,
And you can follow on TV.