WORST FOOT FORWARD

Juncker 2

It is reported that Jean-Claude Juncker has given a speech to the European Parliament in which he painted a picture of a United States of Europe, saying that both Britain and Europe would regret Brexit and he would surely make certain that they would. With friends like this who needs ….

So Jean-Claude Juncker’s on fine form,
Now threatening, as is the norm,
That after Brexit – that’s a sin –
The sky will soon be falling in.

Brexit is bad, he’ll make it worse,
Will bring to bear the Euro curse,
And when it is all said and done,
The other states will all be one.

These others left will toe the line,
For not to do would be a sign,
Of disobedience which would,
For Juncker’s future not be good.

So members will lose their vetoes,
And will be forced to accept those,
New rules and regs and such whatnot,
Whether it’s good for them or not.

But now the highlight of his speech:
He would force rather than beseech,
All countries that have not yet joined,
The Euro with its notes and coins,
To join up quick without delay,
Which means to do it right away.

No matter ’twas a German trick,
Which worked ’cos people were so thick;
It’s right now to the zone enlarge,
With friendly Germans still in charge.

They will command us what to do,
They’re good at that as you all knew,
But will they keep us in the pink?
Well, you should have another think!

They’ll watch the money like a hawk,
If you want some they’re bound to balk,
And now that the die has been cast,
They’re running everything at last.

They’ve always wanted it that way,
So only they can have their say,
And if some should try to resist,
On points asking them to desist,
If you think back to days of yore,
That’s really all been tried before.

It didn’t work then and won’t now,
Will lead to one almighty row;
This is for them sine qua non,
And by then Juncker will be gone.

So how might all of this pan out?
The Germans, who have lots of clout,
Will doubtless want themselves to psych,
And might just call it the Fourth ….

Image – dw.com

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THE BIGGEST BILL EVER?

Wine bottles

It is reported that the EU negotiators are irritated by the UK’s ‘cheek’ in questioning the content of its €100 billion bill for exiting the European Union.

The biggest bill you’ve ever seen,
Perhaps the biggest there has been,
Apart from those that end a war,
Which might have been this big before.

And really, it is quite absurd,
That such a bill without a word
Of explanation should be made,
With expectation it be paid.

The British did not it dismiss,
They said, “We’ll take a look at this.
We’re reasonable as you knew,
But will not pay more than is due.

So we’ve been through it line by line,
Before and after drinking wine,
But either way, before or aft,
The invoice really is quite daft.

You must have been completely drunk,
At The King’s Head or Merry Monk,
When you assembled all that list,
And must have been completely … inebriated.

So let’s discuss now what we owe,
And try to get agreement, so
With kindly words and sober thought,
We will then pay you what we ought.

But one thing that we have to say,
Which we have just found out today,
Is there is in the thirteenth line,
A rather hefty bill for wine!

That really rather makes out point,
Why noses are put out of joint,
And why right now we are afraid,
This bill can really not be paid!”

BREXIT TRICKS

Brexit Big Ben

It is reported that many people think it unlikely that the Brexit negotiations will be finished by the UK’s departure date in 2019 and other people are complaining about the planned silencing of Big Ben for four years while repairs are being carried out.

Brexit is always in the news,
With lots of very different views,
Including how long it will take,
Before we finally can shake,
Ourselves free of the EEC,
And its supposèd tyranny.

Some say there’s not sufficient time,
Before the year that ends in nine
Comes round and that’s when most believe,
That we should get our bags and leave.

So civil servants, always quick,
Have come up with a little trick,
To get more time before that date,
In which they can negotiate.

Their small trick is to stop the clock,
So it will no more tick and tock,
And doing this they’re hoping will,
Make folk think time is standing still.

And, luckily, they’ve an excuse,
Which isn’t really too obtuse,
For that big clock that we all know,
Is just about to undergo,
An overhaul to see it right,
With work by day but not by night.

So they’ve announced the clock will stop,
Which has caught some folk on the hop,
Because they thought the lack of ‘bong’,
Would not be lasting quite so long.

Four years is what has been decreed,
It’s said that’s what the workmen need,
To do the job the proper way,
While working only through the day.

But that may now be in some doubt,
For it has just been pointed out,
That other ways might be devised –
Far more than had been realised.

So Brexit now is in a stew,
They’re not at all sure what to do,
For if the time they cannot stop,
Then Brexit might turn out a flop!

Image – Ilovetheeu / Wikimedia commons

MORE EUROS PLEASE

Wine red

It is reported that European Commissioners are travelling extravagantly and being paid expenses without having to submit receipts.

So what is new? This is folklore,
And we have heard it all before;
The leaders of the great EU,
Have always known just what to do,
To travel in the way that’s best,
No matter North, South, East or West.

So when they fly they travel first,
Which means their leg-room’s more dispersed,
And though there is Champagne on tap,
There’s that bit more room for a nap.

But sometimes first class is too plain,
So they might want to think again,
And since there’s still more money yet,
They might quite like a private jet.

Now private jets do not come cheap,
And though the EU’s pockets deep,
They’re struggling now to pay the fare,
To keep their people in the air.

So what to do? The cash is short,
And still more tickets must be bought;
Perhaps they could tell Mrs May,
In Brexit she will have to pay.

A hundred billion might do,
The UK paying isn’t new,
So they will know just how to send,
The money for them all to spend.

The Brits will doubtless moan and bitch,
And go on endlessly ’bout which,
Clause in the treaty says that they,
Have anything at all to pay.

They’ll say the figure is too high,
But you know just as well as I,
That if your spending at their rate,
A hundred billion isn’t great!

Image – Les Haines / Flickr

GARDER À GAUCHE

Citroen 2CV half

It is reported that the authorities in Calais are planning that everyone should drive on the left during the Bank holiday weekend in May 2018 as a kind gesture to the Brexiting British.

The French have got une bonne idée,
Although it may not seem that way,
They plan one weekend next year, spring,
That people who their cars do bring,
For just a few days they all might,
Drive on the left and not the right.

“The Brits will like it,” says the mayor,
“For when they come from over there,
Such driving will avoid the queues,
As they stock up on bargain booze.

They’ll find it’s really very good,
Will spend and drink more than they should,
And when they are all set to load,
They will not have to cross the road.

So they will load up twice as fast,
The first box right through to the last,
And if they’re sober when they leave,
That’s something I would disbelieve.”

“But what about the French?” you ask,
“For them it will be such a task,
To navigate on left not right,
And some of them might start a fight.”

“We’ve thought of that,” the mayor replied,
“And we are keeping them on side.
We’ve told them it’s a chance to learn,
For something that they mostly yearn,
Which is to leave this place Calais,
And go and live in the U.K!”

Image -High Contrast / Wikimedia commons

A ROCKY ROAD?

brexit-2224018_960_720.png

It is reported that Brexit negotiations have begun and that the leaders exchanged appropriate gifts.

So Brexit talks are underway,
Have lasted so far one whole day,
And both sides say they want to be,
Conducting them pragmatically.

So leaders firstly exchanged gifts,
To counter claims of any rifts,
Between the two sides as they met,
But hadn’t really spoken yet.

The Frenchman’s present was a book,
Which when inside he had a look,
Explained although in prose not rhyme,
How best one should a mountain climb.

This Frenchman who was of like mind,
Presented help of different kind –
A walking stick – and said he hoped,
That it would help the British cope,
And navigate along the path,
They had to in the aftermath,
Of last year’s referendum vote,
To disembark the EU boat.

Both gifts were meaningful perhaps,
Intended to prevent collapse,
Of these talks which as we all know,
Have still a full two years to go.

So watch this space, I will report,
And try to not get too distraught,
If on occasions the outcome,
Looks like it might be rather glum.

MACRON WINS!

Macron

It is reported that Emmanuel Macron has won the French presidential election.

So Macron wins, donc quelle surprise,
And he achieved the feat with ease,
For everybody thought he would,
But not because he’s any good,
Rather they liked less Ms Le Pen,
Who’ll have to wait to try again.

Most will heave a sigh of relief,
That Ms Le Pen has come to grief,
But some will curse and likely say,
They don’t want Macron anyway.

His party is so very new,
He might not know quite what to do,
And so whatever his intent,
It may be the French Parliament,
Will get itself into a stew,
And frustrate what he wants to do.

But that is for a later date –
That’s what I think at any rate –
And though true fans may be quite few,
He’s very keen on the EU.

And the EU is keen on him,
For if he’d lost things would be grim,
With Ms Le Pen determined to,
An awful lot of trouble brew.

But now they think all is secured,
The EU’s future now assured,
And they might think that from this day,
Opponents will all fade away.

So to reward this French result,
Claude Juncker has sought to insult,
The British, saying from next week,
He will no longer English speak.

I s’pose when Brexit is complete,
The only English-speaking state,
Remaining in the then EU,
Is Ireland who speak Irish too.

So English may then cease to be,
Une langue officielle de l’UE,
But if English is not then used,
Things could get terribly confused.

But back to France where it may seem,
La langue Francaise now reigns supreme,
And though for now they are quite chuffed,
The Germans might yet see them stuffed!

Image: Gouvernement Francais