(UN)DIPLOMATIC MEMOS

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It is reported that (un)diplomatic memos from the UK’s ambassador in Washington which were critical of the Trump administration, describing it as ‘inept’ and ‘incompetent’ have been leaked to the press to the annoyance of all concerned.

“Hello! Hello! I’m Mrs May,
And still PM as of today,
So though I’m not much in the news,
I do have things to do … and views.

So while those two fight for my job –
The smartypants and unkempt slob –
I do still come to work each day,
And deal with what is in my tray.

So let me see, now what is this?
It says that I should now dismiss,
Our man across the pond who writes,
The sort of things that can start fights.

Now his job’s to report to me,
About the States quite honestly,
So what’s he writ? Let’s see … My God!
He has made for our backs a rod!

‘Incompetent’, ‘inept’ as well,
Trump will not like this I can tell,
And though they have been said before,
He still won’t want them said once more.

The President, as we all know,
Is so thin-skinned he’s sure to go
On Twitter where you’ll find him lots,
And where he thinks he calls the shots.

And it should come as no surprise,
To learn he likes to criticise,
All sorts of people every day,
But anyone who dares to say,
That he is anything but smart,
Will straightaway be deemed a fart.

So let me see … uin his reply,
He’s picked on me, that’s rather sly,
And he says – I s’pose you can guess –
That Brexit is an awful mess.

With this, of course, I don’t agree,
The facts are there for all to see,
But my skin’s thick as you all know,
So I don’t plan to have a go.

If at this point we let it rest,
I think that would be for the best,
And since he now says I’m the pits,
Perhaps we should just call it quits!”

WHAT’S IN A NAME?

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It is reported that Jeremy Hunt, the rival candidate to Boris Johnson for the Conservative Party leadership, is in favour of repealing the ban on hunting with hounds. … Jeremy who? … No really, that’s taking it too far!

Our Jeremy does try to please,
He changes tack with greatest ease,
And never ceases – yes, you guessed,
To make out that he is the best.

As businessman he knows the ropes,
The NHS he helped to cope,
And now his wife who is Chinese,
Will find her role is just a breeze.

But now he’s gone beyond the top,
His claims, it seems, will never stop,
Because he has now found his name,
Might also help him just the same.

Now hunting with dogs, you’ll recall,
Was banned so now there’s none at all,
So Mr Hunt – please note the name –
Decided that he would proclaim
He’d bring it back and not pro-tem,
If he would be the next PM.

But this subject is rather tense,
With feelings that can be immense,
And since so many think it’s cruel,
They now think that the man’s a fool.

So do watch out these next few days,
As he, no doubt, looks for some ways,
To change what he has said and writ,
Or else for him that might be it!

OMG – STILL BREXIT!

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It is reported that three months after we were promised we would leave the European Union we are still in it and Brexit’s occupation of the daily news is undiminished. The cast may be changing but the plot is immovable.

Six months ago I ceased to write,
My daily blog which did seem right,
Because, recall, our Mrs May,
Had promised us our Brexit day.

In March would that day come to pass,
But then the stupid silly ass,
Extended it not once but twice,
And that is it to be precise.

With many this went down not well,
And some spoke up, said, “Why the hell,
Have you done this? It is no good,
We should have left, you know we should.”

So in reply, she said, “My deal,
Is really quite the best, I feel;
It is for us the very best,
And comes out well in any test.”

But people said, “That deal is crap,
For us it’s in the face a slap;
It will not do, you have to go,
And that’s a fact I think you know.

Well, in the end, she said she’d go,
But people really ought to know,
’Twould do no good because, she’s sure,
Her present deal may still endure.

So here we are a few months on,
And Mrs May will soon be gone,
But who will then be at the top,
And will he be another flop?

I suppose, in time, we’ll likely see,
What sort of person he will be,
Right now there’s two could wear the crown –
There’s Mr Smooth or Mr Clown!

KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON

Keep calm and carry on

It is reported that I have been writing blogs every day for more than two years but, starting in Brexit year, I will no longer write one each day. There will still be occasional new ones so keep looking and there are over eight hundred previous ones which will hopefully keep you amused. So Happy New Year and happy reading. And all are available as Kindle and paperback collections on Amazon – search for Ebenezer Bean.

I’ll leave you on a Brexit note,
The consequence of that old vote,
And, really, it was bound to be,
Enshrouded in controversy.

The pros and cons, you know, are vexed,
No-one knows what might happen next;
Some still predict a golden age,
While others are in quite a rage.

So do keep reading every week,
You’ll find out if the future’s bleak,
And what becomes of Mrs May –
I’m meaning will she go or stay?

So, too, across the Channel there,
Will any politician dare,
To tell French farmers would they please,
Stop exporting their wine and cheese.

French farmers have a lot of clout,
Will get the yellow jackets out,
And with their tractors – how you say? –
They know well how to block the way.

So when it comes to Brexit day,
And everyone has had their say,
Do read my writings one by one,
And just keep calm and carry on.

 

HUGS AND KISSES

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It is reported that the President of the European Commission Jean Claude Juncker has been photographed going round kissing EU officials and tousling their hair.

It seems like almost every day,
That somebody pops up to say,
That – how can I put this in verse –
They’ve been molested, maybe worse.

Because this is beyond the pale,
Some people then end up in jail,
And others who I cannot name,
Will stop if they have done the same.

It seems there’s less of this today,
We hope it has all gone away,
And now at work there isn’t much,
For folk may look but not to touch.

But the EU seems out of line,
For, risking prison or a fine,
The boss man in the whole EU,
Might have some learning still to do.

For he’s been photographed out there,
Running his hands through people’s hair,
And kissing them upon a whim,
With some that look less keen than him.

Perhaps he’s simply not aware,
Or might he do it for a dare?
Or maybe, though I can’t think why,
To him the rules might not apply.

Image – Dimitris Avramopoulos

BORIS FOR PM?

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It is reported that Brexit, Mrs May and everything else that is boring is set to rumble on interminably. Roll on Christmas … but which one? … hic.

Who will replace our Mrs May?
Some say it might be Boris J;
He’s had his hair cut, you can tell,
But that job wasn’t done too well.

It’s shorter but still lacks a brush,
Perhaps he was just in a rush,
When he got up and ventured out,
For he goes jogging round about.

Next thing, he cycled off to work,
It’s said he works hard, doesn’t shirk,
But bicycles don’t get you far –
Compared to a black Jaguar.

So now if he wants that top job,
He must stop looking like a slob;
That might just stand him in good stead,
Not like he’s just rolled out of bed!

In weeks to come there will be more,
Contenders than there were before,
But if you follow them I think,
You really ought to have a drink.

Image – Arno Mikkor (EU2017EE)

OH YES YOU DID!

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It is reported that Jean Claude Juncker called Mrs May ‘nebulous’ and she took exception to it, perhaps the first time she has disagreed with him in the past two years?

The panto season’s in full swing,
With all the laughter it will bring,
And people flock from everywhere,
So of the jokes they’ll get their share.

The actors on the stage can be,
Celebrities we often see,
And others who are hard to tell,
Because they are not known so well.

But it’s unusual, I’d say,
That people like Theresa May,
And Jean Claude Juncker (who is he?),
Are there in pantomimes to see.

So now these two, not so well-known,
Decided to put on their own,
And as reported here in rhymes,
They knew the famous panto lines.

“You called me nebulous,” said she,
“A poor description, that, of me,
For you should listen with your ear,
That I have been so very clear!”

“Oh no I didn’t,” he replied,
Putting his glass of wine aside,
“The words I used were rather few,
And they were not describing you.”

“Oh yes you did,” she answered back,
“So do not try now to change tack;
Your words were broadcast on TV,
And certainly were aimed at me.”

They argued, was it ‘no’ or ‘yes’,
Then later Juncker told the Press,
That they had since kissed and made up,
But now he had his wine to sup.

And that was it till Mrs May,
When speaking later in the day,
Said that she wasn’t all that fussed,
For their discussion was robust,
And it would not be her death knell,
Because they work together well.

On this last point who would have guessed,
That these were good friends, even best,
But Mrs May would say, I fear,
That she has made it very clear!