NO-DEAL BREXIT? NO BLT!

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It is reported that a spokesman for the British Sandwich Association has warned that sandwiches may be in short supply after a no-deal Brexit.

If you like sandwiches you may,
Be really dreading Brexit day,
And wondering if they’ll still be,
Available to have for tea.

Well, now the answer’s come today,
The Sandwich ’Ssociation say,
“Brexit might mean there is no veg,
To go with cheese – a slice, not wedge.”

But others say, “That is just tosh,
For sandwiches, though plain or posh,
Can be made with all sorts of stuff,
Some quite refined and others rough.

So after Brexit don’t despair,
The sandwich will be everywhere,
With fillings savoury or sweet,
And all still just as good to eat.”

TO LIKE OR NOT TO LIKE …

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It is reported that Donald Trump has been giving conflicting messages about what he thinks of Theresa May and Brexit.

Our Donald, who’s not far from here,
Is not always completely clear,
What he means when he tweets or speaks,
Including when he gives critiques.

He doesn’t approve of the way,
That our PM, that’s Mrs May,
Is handling Brexit (go or stay),
Or at least didn’t yesterday.

He said she’s got the whole thing wrong,
But then before so very long,
(By which I really mean quite soon),
It seems he had a change of tune.

Right now, he says , she’s doing good,
Since he’s advised her so she should,
And, as he said before Blenheim,
Most anything’s OK with him.

That is not all, I could say more,
Of things like this – at least a score,
For every day he seems to say,
Something he later blows away.

The consequence of this is that,
One really knows not where he’s at,
And so one doesn’t get too bored,
His comments might be best ignored.

So there I’ll end, good as my word,
I will write no more words absurd;
There’s no doubt that he’ll speak again,
This most peculiar of men.

JEAN CLAUDE DRUNKER?

Juncker cartoon

It is reported that the President of the European Commission was unsteady on his feet as he arrived at an official NATO function yesterday and had to be supported by the French President and other heads of state to prevent him falling over, which would have been almost as embarrassing as pictures of him struggling to stand up. A spokesman said his unsteadiness was due to sciatica, (not drink) … hic.

One Luxembourger likes his wine,
The types he drinks are very fine,
So not for him the Spanish plonk –
That’s far too prone to make one honk.

But though it might not make one ill,
Too many glasses likely will,
Make one unsteady on one’s feet,
When walking down the road or street.

So people then began to talk,
About Herr Juncker’s wobbly walk,
Because, it seemed, it could be due,
To glasses drunk – more than a few.

“Why, no,” his spokesman said quite quick,
“If you think that you’re pretty thick.
Sciatica is what he’s got,
In fact he suffers quite a lot.

His problem is sciatic pain,
Which he’s got used to in the main,
And so, though hard to reconcile,
He often manages a smile.

So talk of drink is premature,
He only drinks one glass or fewer,
So if you see him with some drink,
Well, that’s Ribena, I should think.”

Image – DonkeyHotey / Flickr

TRUMP ON THE WARPATH

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It is reported that Donald Trump has berated most European members of NATO and especially the stinking rich Germans for spending too little on defence.

The Trump is over here today,
In Brussels first then a foray,
To Britain to play golf and scoff,
And also tell the PM off.

About what subject matters not,
He’ll tweet it first and then, guess what,
He’ll talk with what charm he’s imbued,
Which means he’s likely to be rude.

But back to NATO where today,
He told the others they should pay,
And not just sponge from day to day,
On spending by the USA.

For far too long they hadn’t paid,
And as he said in his tirade,
They really had to up their game,
And then pay pretty much the same
As he does in proportion to,
The value of the things they do.

But singled out for special ire,
That easily could pay much higher,
Was Germany that he did say,
Not only does it little pay ,
But in the background it bankrolls,
The Russian state and all its goals.

They do this dint of buying gas,
Which really does seem pretty crass,
For somewhere there’s a smartphone app,
With which they can turn off the tap.

So Germany and others too,
Must be quite careful what they do,
Or they might find, alack, alas,
That suddenly they’ve got no gas.

And this is Donald’s case in point,
That’s put his nose right out of joint,
For though it has been rare before,
This could start economic war.

This might then be twixt friends or foes,
Because the Brexit process shows,
That one side might use as a ploy,
The other to try to destroy,
Even though it would in that case,
Cut off its nose to spite its face!

UNDERMINING DEMOCRACY

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It is reported that Donald Tusk, President of the European Council, possibly in connection with Donald Trump’s call for Russia to be readmitted to the G7 group of industrialised nations, has said that Donald Trump is ‘playing into the hands’ of those who want to undermine democracy.

Now Donald Tusk’s a kindly sort,
But when his namesake said they ought,
To admit Russia once again,
He said that he should use his brain,
And make Putin now bide his time,
Because he tries to undermine,
Democracy here in the West,
And can, therefore, be quite a pest.

All the above is likely true,
But one thing should be plain to you,
Which is that he and the EU,
Are undermining it all too.

For in Brexit the EU still,
Determined to defeat the will,
Of British people to secede,
Refuses to their voices heed.

It’s done this several times before,
Insisting voters vote some more,
Until people – that’s me and you –
Vote as we’re told by the EU.

It’s not just Brexit, though, because,
When Italy in turmoil was,
The EU told them that they can,
Not have a eurosceptic man,
Or woman as their next PM,
So they would have to choose again.

And then, of course, remember Greece?
The EU was intent to fleece,
The country for all that it had,
Which really was so very bad,
When Greeks had voted to be free,
In the home of democracy.

While former votes, French, Irish, Dutch,
Did not, in fact, amount to much,
As all were told to go away,
And vote again another day.

But the EU should just beware:
It hasn’t been elected there,
And dictatorial regimes,
Oppressing people, so it seems,
And stopping those that want to leave,
Should know such people are aggrieved.

And history tells regimes like this,
All, in due time, find they’re dismissed,
Except ones which their people shoot,
To make sure more don’t follow suit.

I’m not suggesting that they would,
Shoot citizens and spill their blood,
So history teaches that, perhaps,
The EU will, one day, collapse.

On that day many will rejoice,
Regain their democratic voice,
But what the future might then be,
We will just have to wait and see

BULLIES!

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It is reported that the Belgian Prime Minister has accused the United States of ‘putting a gun to the EU’s head’ during trade negotiations; something the EU would never do. Ask Theresa May.

You know that Donald Trump is for,
A world-wide, global all out war,
I don’t mean one that’s weapons grade,
But rather one affecting trade.

He threatens he will punish those,
He doesn’t like and will impose,
More tariffs on all sorts of things,
From steel and cars to earrings.

The EU says, “That’s so unfair!
To tax goods that are going spare.
And this is threatening, what you’ve said,
It’s like a gun against our head.

Now we would not behave like this,
Just ask the English, ask the Swiss;
We’re in discussion everywhere,
And all the time are more than fair.”

The English and the Swiss then sighed,
“It sounds like the EU has lied;
They set up meetings tête à tête,
But really don’t negotiate,
And if you don’t do as they say,
They give you a big bill to pay.

For they are bullies, simply put,
They walk around the room and strut;
They simply blurt out their demands,
And also lots of reprimands.

They are frustrating, that’s for sure,
Drive you to products of the brewer,
But one day they’ll run out of luck,
And that’s when they will come unstuck!

They rule, more or less, by decree,
Which doesn’t work when folk are free;
They don’t allow too much debate,
So one day will disintegrate.

For people won’t be pushed around,
Will vote with feet is what we’ve found;
For some it is the final straw,
And what we’re doing Brexit for.

CHEAP BUT NOT CHEERFUL

Passport

It is reported that the new, dark blue, post-Brexit British passports are to be made by a French company because they are the cheapest, instead of by the usual British supplier with a French-sounding name, De La Rue.

Our passports, which are red, not blue,
Right now are made by De La Rue,
Which, notwithstanding its French name,
Is based in Britain all the same.

They print them up in Tyneside where,
There are some workers going spare,
And if this contract should be lost,
There’ll likely be a human cost.

But, more than that, most people think,
The Government has has caused a stink,
Because, it seems, there is a chance,
The passports will be made in France.

The Government says that’s OK,
And it reminds us, by the way,
That EU rules do still exist,
And government contracts like this,
Should be procured by open bid,
So that’s exactly what it did.

But others say they are just fools,
By sticking to procurement rules,
While talks on Brexit rumble on,
And very soon we will be gone.

“The others,” you may say, “don’t stick,
To rules like this, they choose and pick;
French passports are all made in France,
So British printers have no chance.”

There are examples far and wide,
Three just below and more beside,
Where countries wanting to seem cool,
Just go ahead and break the rule.

French governments serve just French wine,
I think they do this all the time,
And now I’m authorised to tell,
They only serve French cheese as well.

Not only France behaves this way,
The Germans do it every day,
For, always, Mrs Merkel’s car,
Is sporting that three-pointed star.

Is this a teacup round a storm?
And what should really be the norm?
Perhaps the EU thinks we’re fools,
Because we never bend the rules,
And this case we’re discussing here,
Perhaps is not completely clear,
Because the contract could go to,
French-sounding firm called De La Rue.

Image – Chris Fleming