KNICKERS UP!

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It is reported that higher levels of home working are believed to be responsible for recent increases in sales of nightwear, loungewear and underwear. The first two I can understand but underwear?

If people work from home that’s good,
And if you can you really should,
It is the new thing on the scene,
And, take my word, it’s very green.

There is no need to wear a suit
Or fancy dress at which folk look,
So for the most part of the day,
You can in your pyjamas stay.

Or maybe loungewear’s more for you,
A bigger choice there, that is true,
And then, depending on the job,
You might just look less like a slob.

Result of all this people say,
Is sales of these are up today,
But also up if you compare,
Are Primark’s sales of underwear.

I do not know why this should be,
But data like this … let me see …
Suggests that we – please do not smirk –
Wear more at home than when at work.

BRUSH OFF

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It is reported that Stella McCartney is advising people not to wash or (solvent) dry clean clothes; simply let the dirt dry and then brush it off. She said “I am incredibly hygienic myself, but I’m not a fan of dry cleaning or any cleaning really.” Hmm.

If you’re like me you likely wash,
Your clothes, no matter rags or posh,
And then it’s likely that you try,
To hang them out or tumble dry.

This is the norm but wait a bit,
Stella McCartney says that it,
Is better not to wash at all –
No need for that detergent ball.

“Instead,” says she, “just let them dry,
Then take a brush and with it try,
To brush them clean, it ought to work,
Though on occasions stains might lurk.

Ignoring most will be just fine,
But do be careful with the wine,
It’s easier if you desist,
The night before from getting p*ssed.”

But I doubt this will work too well,
For there might be an awful smell;
Your friends might really think it strange,
If you don’t socks and knickers change!

ONE OWNER, LOW MILEAGE

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It is reported that Japanese car rental companies have been noticing that many of their customers drive almost no miles when they rent a car. It turns out that office workers are renting cars in which they can sit to eat their lunch away from the office … and their boss.

The Japanese are rather quaint,
Or that’s the picture people paint,
Because they sometimes do strange things,
Which then that reputation brings.

Now one such thing has come to light,
That’s causing some concern, but slight,
For companies that rent the car,
Are finding they’re not driven far,
Before they are returned to base –
That’s really odd in any case.

And sometimes when a rental’s bought,
The time that’s booked can be quite short,
Perhaps an hour or maybe half,
Is what they’re finding – that’s the staff.

Of course the Japs are so polite,
That to enquire does not seem right,
And so they have been in the dark.
About their cars which must be parked.

But now the secret’s coming out,
And it seems odd without a doubt,
As it transpires that people are,
Just spending lunchtimes in the car.

They want somewhere to get some peace,
A place where working time can cease,
For just a half hour in the day,
No matter what their boss might say.

Their lunch break will be over soon,
And then throughout the afternoon,
It’s back to work, boss doesn’t know,
Just where it is his people go.

He finds, though, they come back refreshed,
And equal then to any test,
And with an increase in work rate,
He hopes they’ll still stay working late.

Image – Sketyl none

BONKERS BANKERS

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It is reported that Christine Lagarde, who was convicted of negligence for her part in a financial scandal while French finance minister (but then let off because she was famous and had been head of the International Monetary Fund since her (also French) predecessor was arrested) is being proposed as the next head of the European Central Bank.

The ECB needs a new boss,
And though I don’t much give a toss,
It does seem strange they might appoint,
Ms C Lagarde to head the joint.

So far so good but do recall,
In former times she had a fall
From grace while minister in France,
In charge, I think, of their finance.

The case then ended up in court;
She’d not been doing what she ought,
And after arguments quite tense,
She then went down for negligence.

I say ‘went down’ which means to jail.
But this case was beyond the pale,
For as she was well-known, you know,
The French court simply let her go.

So very soon we’ll likely find,
As long as MEPs don’t mind,
This careless personality,
Is in charge of the ECB.

For euro this not augurs well,
It might go badly, who can tell?
But we must trust for good or ill,
French fingers stay out of the till.

Image – MEDEF / Wikimedia Commons

MILLIONS, BILLIONS OR TRILLIONS?

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It is reported that Jeff Bezos, founder of Amazon, has settled his divorce from his wife of twenty-five years by paying her thirty-eight billion – yes, thirty-eight, yes, billion – dollars.

Jeff Bezos is a wealthy man,
He saves his money when he can,
And ’cos of this he is, some say,
The richest in the world today.

So when he settled for divorce,
His wife knew he was rich, of course,
And so her lawyers thought they’d try,
For lots of cash – and aim sky-high.

So this they did, got thirty-eight,
That’s billions of dollars straight,
And this was high you must agree,
But still not missed at all by he.

For if your wealth is so extreme
And more than anyone can dream,
It matters not what people say,
Or how much you might give away.

Image – DonkeyHotey

@don’t shout!

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It is reported that lawyers are advising managers not to use capital letters in emails as to do so may be considered equivalent to shouting and could lead to complaints and disciplinary action.

An email can be rather terse,
But less so if it is in verse,
As it conveys a message to,
Someone a bit like me or you.

Because they’re brief, it’s hard to show,
Emotion when you press the ‘Go’,
But if someone is in disgrace,
You might write it in upper case.

But lawyers say you should watch out,
It may be deemed to be a shout,
And if your voice this way you raise,
It could start an harassment case.

O2 OH DEAR

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It is reported that O2’s phone and data network was out of action for a day leaving millions of people apparently unable to function.

So let’s about it make no bones,
We all rely on mobile phones,
To speak to people when they ring,
And, too, it seems all sorts of things.

They tell us when the bus is due,
The fastest way from me to you,
And if we press the buttons right,
They’ll tell us where to go tonight,
To see a film or have a meal,
And check out any special deal.

So when the network does go down,
It causes more than just a frown,
As people struggle to adjust,
To life without the phones they trust.

They’re helpless, that much is quite plain,
And it seems they can’t use their brain,
To carry on without their phone,
But many still know how to moan.

So what’s the answer? I don’t know.
Apart from playing tick-tack-toe,
But one should not think it is rude,
If ones ear at last comes unglued.