steel mll 1568604_960_720

It is reported that Donald Trump plans to impose punitive tariffs of 25% on steel and 10% on aluminium imported into the United States, and the European Union has announced severe retaliation plans.

It’s been announced that Trump has plans,
For metals used in cars and cans,
To soon be taxed at higher rates,
When they reach the United States.

He says that they are under threat,
For Chinese steel producers let,
Their factories now produce too much,
Of steel for cars and cans and such.

And since this steel cannot be used,
He says that rules have been abused,
As they then tons of metal dump,
Upon the land of Donald Trump.

But Trump’s taxation plan is wide,
And will affect much more beside,
As special steels used for defence,
Are taxed which makes a bit less sense.

These taxes affect the EU,
So they’re now getting upset too,
And so henceforward from today,
They say that Trump will have to pay.

“For tax like this we will not stand,
But as well as a reprimand,
We are intending to impose,
A higher import tax on those,
Products which we’ve come to expect,
Will have the maximum effect.

We’ve thought a lot, done studies too,
On what might cause most harm to you;
And the best option from these facts,
Will be a peanut butter tax!

A tax like this is very wise,
Applies to jars of any size,
And whether smooth or with a crunch,
It will affect most any lunch.

But here in Brussels EU staff,
Think peanut butter’s pretty naff;
With Michelin starred food each day,
They never eat it anyway.”



M&S logo

It is reported that Marks and Spencer has changed the design of its ladies’ underwear. (Knickers to you.)

If you are needing underwear,
The best place you can buy a pair,
Is – though I’m sure you all can guess –
That favourite clothes shop – M&S.

They have all kinds and colours too,
But one that should appeal to you,
Is the ‘Supima Cotton’ type,
In colours, plain, without a stripe.

They’ve been on sale a long long time,
As you are learning from this rhyme,
And though they seldom are displayed,
They are worn as a comfort aid.

And that is what the ladies like,
With all pairs very much alike,
The pants in which the wearers sit,
Have always been the perfect fit.

But now, they find, something has changed,
Which makes the fit feel rather strange:
The seam has been moved to the side –
It’s raised and is, perhaps, less wide.

The upshot of this re-design,
Is, while the old ones fitted fine,
The new design some comfort lacks,
Beneath a skirt or even slacks.

So they appealed to M&S,
To now relieve their new-found stress,
And to the old design revert,
For comfort underneath the skirt.

Well, M&S, as you may know,
Were keen to sort this out and so,
They fished out their old patterns and,
The new ones could forthwith be canned.

So if your knickers don’t fit right,
Perhaps too loose or even tight,
You should on what you like insist –
Not get your knickers in a twist!



It is reported that a large group of businessmen attending a men only charity fundraising event at the Dorchester Hotel were attended by a not-quite-so-large number of young hostesses in skimpy dresses, to the general consternation of anybody who heard about it afterwards.

Before I start, I want to say,
I don’t approve of things this way,
But to pretend that no-one knew,
Or didn’t really have a clue,
Just how the evening was arranged,
Most likely is a bit deranged.

For some the clue was simply there,
Perhaps the skirts the girls would wear,
While some might have had to rehearse,
Though, hopefully, in prose, not verse.

The complaints did not seem to be,
About the morals – he, not she –
But whether girls, however dressed,
Were in some shape or form oppressed.

And, too, the gender gap in pay,
Now in the news from day to day,
Was raised again post this event,
Relating to the ones that went.

Now this seems odd, you might agree,
Because, as far as I can see,
The only people getting paid,
Were those dressed as upmarket maids.

But back to morals, I’d have thought,
In lots of places that this sort,
Of entertainment still goes on,
For wealthy people wanting fun.

So those complaining should have known,
And would have, if they’d interest shown,
Before, last week, it came to light,
That this would be a seedy night.

So when there’s an event like this,
That you’re not sure if you should miss,
Do check it out and then you’ll know,
If it’s appropriate to go.

And if you do go, know the rules,
So that you will not look like fools,
If you should think it’s just a lark,
And maybe overstep the mark.

The test for morals, it is said,
Is whether you would go bright red,
When, if a girl should smile and pout,
Someone you know should then find out.

If you liked this please share it with your friends and enjoy another one tomorrow.


Hacking 1

It is reported that ‘Open Banking’ is to start on 13 January 2018 in the European Union under which bankers and other financial institutions will be obliged to share customers’ private financial information with one another and there is then an increased risk of hacking, scams and fraudulent misuse. Another wonderful European Union idea!

“Roll up. Roll up. Fantastic news.
Go out and celebrate with booze,
For Open Banking starts today,
So, everyone, shout, ‘Hip hooray’.

It means we can your data share,
(Before this week we wouldn’t dare)
But now, it seems, we’ll have free rein,
To share it once, twice and again.

This really is good news for you,
For many people – not a few,
Will now send to you day and night,
Some offers that will see you right.

They’ll know what you’re paid, what you spend,
How much is left at the month end;
And armed with all this data they,
Will work out how much you can pay,
For what it is they want to sell,
And charge over the odds as well.

And if all this just makes you vexed,
You probably won’t like what’s next,
Which is with data being tracked,
It’s much more likely you’ll be hacked.

This probably was overlooked,
But recently we’ve all been spooked,
As hacking, which perhaps should cease,
Has been, instead, on the increase.

So let your watchword be, ‘Take care’,
When you are banking on the air;
It’s better to have cash than not,
So watch out for that password bot.”



It is reported that the process for producing bitcoins – called mining – uses a staggering amount of energy, in the end to achieve nothing!

I’ve not dealt with bitcoins before,
’Cos I don’t want to be a bore,
And, also, if the truth be told,
Although I might be very old,
I really didn’t have a clue,
What they were or were meant to do.

But explanations have appeared,
Quite recently and, as I feared,
It doesn’t all make too much sense,
To those imbued with common sense.

Invented by – nobody knows –
But after kicking off he goes,
And disappears, just as he came,
With billions to his unknown name.

Bitcoins, in fact, do not exist,
But if you really can’t resist,
You can buy them at a machine,
Though I, myself, am non too keen.

You put your cash in through the slot,
Though, sadly, it won’t buy a lot,
And you’ll get an encryption key,
To show that it belongs to thee.

Supposedly, then, you can spend,
The coin and so achieve some end,
And nobody will ever know,
That the transaction’s yours and so,
If you’re a criminal it’s great,
As you’ll, perhaps, appreciate.

But more bizarre is making new,
Bitcoins for that’s what some folk do,
So do read on, there’s info here,
Which might on this give you a steer.

You must, if thus you do resolve,
A cryptographic puzzle solve,
The prize for which, if you succeed,
Is one bitcoin – it’s all you need.

The problem is this puzzle’s hard,
Yet still it is not a canard,
So you will need a warehouse and,
Computers by the ten thousand.

They chug away by day and night,
Trying to get the puzzle right,
But as they do so they consume,
Power in this vast computer room.

And it’s been estimated that,
All bitcoin miners working flat,
Use power enough for, more or less,
Three million homes in the US!

But much of this is China based,
Where normal miners work in haste,
Producing coal to make the power,
To keep these going every hour.

So after tons and tons of coal,
These computers achieve their goal,
Of solving then this puzzle so,
The bitcoin miner can then go,
And use then his encryption key,
To say this coin belongs to he.

I hope the point has not been missed,
That these bitcoins do not exist,
So all that this coal has achieved,
Apart from fooling those naïve,
Is global warming to increase,
When, preferably, it ought to cease.

So with this problem, what to do?
It’s too complex for me or you;
But governments are now concerned,
That tax on cash that has been earned,
Might not, in fact, be being paid,
By people who would tax evade.

And those with criminal intent –
Those people who aren’t straight, but bent –
Will doubtless for the time being,
Use it for money laundering.

So we might expect them to act,
To deal with these coins so abstract,
But what they’ll do, how far they’ll go,
At this stage I just do not know.

But when there is some more to say,
Which could, in fact, be any day,
About what’s happening in this sphere,
Be sure to come and read it here.

Important note: Some of the above may be factually incorrect and none of it should be considered to constitute any sort of investment advice.


Monopoly tax

It is reported that the SNP Government in Edinburgh is to increase the rates of income tax in Scotland. Risky, eh?

The Scots are noted for their thrift,
(Tight-fisted, if you get my drift,)
And they have a no-nonsense way,
Of dealing with requests to pay.

They listen with impatience hid,
To learn how much to pay they’re bid,
Then if they think you take the p*ss,
You might get a Glaswegian kiss.

They’re honest as the day is long,
Like speaking in their native tongue –
That’s English with a Scottish lilt –
And then there’s bagpipes and the kilt.

But one thing they don’t like is tax,
That’s much the same as Sassenachs,
So if the tax should be increased,
It’s likely they’ll protest at least.

So when Ms Sturgeon stood up and,
Took her life right into her hands,
By announcing that from today,
Scots people will more taxes pay,
She knew that this was quite a risk –
See in verse two: my asterisk.

But Mrs Sturgeon is no fool,
She even sometimes keeps her cool,
And she’ll have worked out ’cos she’s short,
That burly men from that seaport,
Will find it quite hard not to miss,
Should they try a Glaswegian kiss!

Image – Images money / Flickr


Coins cartoon

It is reported that it has been proposed that the use of copper coins should come to an end.

Perhaps when you this title read,
A thought then formed inside your head,
Concerning not your hard-earned cash,
But where you might go for a slash.

And that’s quite strange because you know,
When, formerly, you had to go,
The price back then was just one pence,
So 2P doesn’t make much sense.

In fact that penny, which was old,
Were two forty per pound, I’m told,
So if you had to have a leak,
Five bob would see you through the week.

But this has little now to do,
With what I’m writing down for you,
Which is concerning coins and cash,
And if the small ones are just trash.

Some say small coins have little point,
Will not buy much in any joint,
And so they should be melted down,
And used to make some other noun.

But if so there’ll be a surprise,
For he who in the Mint then tries,
To make new coins that do look real,
For these are copper not, but steel!