2P OR NOT 2P?

Coins cartoon

It is reported that it has been proposed that the use of copper coins should come to an end.

Perhaps when you this title read,
A thought then formed inside your head,
Concerning not your hard-earned cash,
But where you might go for a slash.

And that’s quite strange because you know,
When, formerly, you had to go,
The price back then was just one pence,
So 2P doesn’t make much sense.

In fact that penny, which was old,
Were two forty per pound, I’m told,
So if you had to have a leak,
Five bob would see you through the week.

But this has little now to do,
With what I’m writing down for you,
Which is concerning coins and cash,
And if the small ones are just trash.

Some say small coins have little point,
Will not buy much in any joint,
And so they should be melted down,
And used to make some other noun.

But if so there’ll be a surprise,
For he who in the Mint then tries,
To make new coins that do look real,
For these are copper not, but steel!

Advertisements

PARADISE PAPERS

isle-of-man-26904_960_720

It is reported that leaked documents reveal numerous really rich people and companies using tax havens to pay less tax.

As if we didn’t have enough,
Long-running stories full of guff,
We’ve now another one to read,
Which tells of wealthy people’s greed.

I should, right now, if not before,
Say people did not break the law;
In fact, I do not have a clue,
But this is what the others do.

So that disclaimer out the way,
It is OK for me to say,
Some things that have reported been,
’Bout people who are rich but mean.

By ‘mean’ I mean that some of they,
Take steps so not much tax they pay,
When, really, with their great big pile,
They could the taxman pay with style.

They could dress up and ask him round,
Then offer him a million pound,
And I’d expect he would be pleased,
As his collecting job is eased.

But if they try to hide their wealth,
He’ll likely track them down by stealth,
And all the leaks now come to light,
Will give him ammo for a fight.

So if you’re rich you ought to pay,
The tax you owe from day to day,
And if you don’t, then do be warned,
Your yacht just might have to be pawned!

LIDL SURPRISES!

Lidl-Logo.svg

It is reported that the supermarket Lidl has airbrushed religious Christian symbols from photographs used on its packaging.

“Now welcome to our store today,
Where you can shop before you pay;
You’ll find we’ve got all sorts on sale,
Though, on occasions, bread is stale.

Our packaging has had a lift,
And, hopefully, you’ll get my drift,
When I say that we don’t intend,
That it should anyone offend.

So our new packaging is bland,
It’s on the food, both fresh and canned;
Most should be generally OK,
But still we’ve airbrushed bits away.

So no more crosses, crescents, stars,
Will feature on our tins and jars,
And on the Weetabix … Oh damn! –
We’ve left the golly on the jam!”

SPEAKS DIRECT

Christmas Fair 26-11-2010

It is reported that Sport Direct has issued an order that bans its employees from speaking foreign languages at work – including Welsh. Not sure about Scotland; perhaps he hasn’t taken on the Sturgeon yet.

Mike Ashley has the strongest views,
Including language to be used,
In his warehouses, vans and shops,
To stop him getting in a strop.

All words said must in English be,
No German, Spanish, or Chinee,
And this applies to any role,
And those employees on parole.

One reason given’s HSE –
What other reason could there be? –
So everyone will understand,
While working in the Sports D land,
Just where to go and what to do,
And when it’s best to use the loo.

And also they should be polite,
With all the words they read and write,
So customers more likely will,
Keep coming back to use the till.

But some folk who in Welsh can speak,
Have said it is a real cheek,
And in fact it’s completely wrong,
They can’t speak in their native tongue.

Perhaps they know swear words in Welsh,
Like ‘Daion fi’ or ‘Blendithiwych fy enaed’*,
So if they want a private moan,
They can use swear words of their own.

So now a dispute may arise,
Court cases could materialise,
’Til one side stops and just gives in,
’Cos this is a ‘Storm mewn tywyn!’**

* Like ‘goodness me!’or ‘bless my soul!’
**‘Storm in a …….’
* And anyway, it seems nothing in English rhymes with ‘Welsh’.

Image – Martin Pettitt / Flickr / Creative Commons

FOR RICHER, FOR POORER

Jeff bezos

It is reported that on 27 July 2017 Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon, briefly became the world’s richest man before being knocked off the number one slot by Microsoft’s Bill Gates.

Jeff Bezos is a wealthy man,
He saves his pennies where he can,
And though he hasn’t been a flop,
He’s never quite got to the top.

Until, that is, one day last week,
When Amazon shares hit a peak,
And Bezos’ wealth was then propelled
Up by the number that he held.

So on that day the man became,
The richest in the world by name,
And likely he thought on that date,
He should find time to celebrate.

But Bezos rather modest is,
And by the time he’d bought the fizz,
Then checked again to see what’s what,
By then he’d been pushed off top slot.

It really came as no surprise,
To find out that his swift demise,
Was all because his friend Bill Gates,
Had pushed him back to second place.

So with the Champagne what to do?
He thought he might drink just a few,
Then sell the rest at bargain rates,
To richest man – that’s still Bill Gates!

MORRI-SINGHS-BURY’S

Morrisons_Supermarket

It is reported that a Tyneside grocer has removed his SINGHSBURY’S sign over his shop replacing it with MORRISINGHS; Sainsbury’s objected while Morrisons didn’t.

A shopkeeper thought it was fine,
To trade beneath an orange sign,
Proclaiming then his name to be,
Ten letters spelling Singhsbury.

He thought it all looked rather nice,
Most people would look at it twice,
And at the risk of whiplash ache,
They’d mostly do a double take.

But nonetheless they’d go inside,
Buy eggs that might be boiled or fried,
And other groceries as well,
Depending what the shop might sell.

It all went well until one day,
A man called round from Sainsbury, J,
And said, “You cannot use that sign,
Because the copyright is mine.”

The grocer said, “Oh very well,
Most people think it’s rather swell.
But I’ll see how the shop till rings,
With my new sign of Morrisinghs.

I will ask their permission though,
Because I do not want to go,
And have another new sign made,
If under it I cannot trade.”

But Morrisons, when asked, said, “Fine,
You have our blessing with your sign.
We do not mind, it’s for the best,
And hope your clients are impressed.

We hope you’ll go from strength to strength,
Expanding through the breadth and length,
Of Britain and including where,
Sainsbury’s still have the biggest share.

And so today we wish you well,
Put up your sign, go out and sell,
And when you get increased demand,
Be sure you’re ready to expand.

And as for Sainsbury’s tough reply,
We are not sure exactly why,
They spoke those words straight from their mouth,
But then, of course, they’re from the south!

Image – Betty Longbottom / Wikimedia commons

REALLY BAD OR REALLY GOOD?

Car_tailpipe_2

It is reported that Donald Trump has told Angela Merkel that the Germans are ‘really bad’ for exporting millions of cars to the USA. Really bad. And the emissions test cheating saga rumbles on.

Now Donald Trump just loves to tweet,
They are so short he thinks they’re neat,
And are for any short confab,
Just perfect for his small vocab.

So just this week he was quite terse,
With just a few words, not in verse,
When he said Germany was bad,
Because he’d now found out it had,
Been exporting too many cars,
Some of which had three-pointed stars.

“This will not do!” he said today,
“From this point on you’ll have to pay
A higher rate of import tax,
Because we have been far too lax.”

The Germans said, “We are not fools.
To do that is against the rules.

You say that we are ‘really bad’,
Because of the success we’ve had.
But you have got it all to cock,
And this may now come as a shock:
Your folk have not misunderstood,
And think our cars are ‘really good’.

So ‘good’, not ‘bad’, you ought to say,
If you should tweet your words today,
Our cars are really quite the best,
Apart from the emissions test.”

Image – De Facto / Wikimedia commons