REALLY BAD OR REALLY GOOD?

Car_tailpipe_2

It is reported that Donald Trump has told Angela Merkel that the Germans are ‘really bad’ for exporting millions of cars to the USA. Really bad. And the emissions test cheating saga rumbles on.

Now Donald Trump just loves to tweet,
They are so short he thinks they’re neat,
And are for any short confab,
Just perfect for his small vocab.

So just this week he was quite terse,
With just a few words, not in verse,
When he said Germany was bad,
Because he’d now found out it had,
Been exporting too many cars,
Some of which had three-pointed stars.

“This will not do!” he said today,
“From this point on you’ll have to pay
A higher rate of import tax,
Because we have been far too lax.”

The Germans said, “We are not fools.
To do that is against the rules.

You say that we are ‘really bad’,
Because of the success we’ve had.
But you have got it all to cock,
And this may now come as a shock:
Your folk have not misunderstood,
And think our cars are ‘really good’.

So ‘good’, not ‘bad’, you ought to say,
If you should tweet your words today,
Our cars are really quite the best,
Apart from the emissions test.”

Image – De Facto / Wikimedia commons

SMALL PRINT TO DISAPPEAR

contract

It is reported that the Government is intending to require companies to shorten and simplify the terms and conditions they expect consumers to understand and accept.

WHEREAS the Government’s concerned,
That folk at school have not much learned,
So when they’re faced with Ts and Cs,
It’s only those who have degrees,
And therefore been a graduand,
That have a chance to understand.

The first thing is they can be long,
Far more so than an iTunes song,
Which now determines what kids can,
Achieve for their attention span.

And songs have words that do repeat,
Ten times before the song’s complete,
So if one phrase they can recall,
They probably could sing it all.

The other problem is the words,
Some of which can sound quite absurd,
Like inasmuchas, heretofore –
I could go on for there are more.

But most of us don’t even try,
To read these words by means of eye.
We simply blindly tick the box,
Which means that for that pair of socks,
We’d set our heart on we’re OK,
With anything that comes our way.

All this is bad, this legal blah,
You’ll concur if you’ve read this far,
’Cos if the socks you’ve bought don’t last,
You would want to return them fast.

But if you’ve signed your rights away,
You might lose all you had to pay,
Then when you go for jogs or strolls,
You’re wearing socks all full of holes.

So reading terms is really cool,
But they’re much too long as a rule,
And this is now the problem that,
The Government plans to combat.

So in the future terms will be,
As short as short as short can be,
And so that they won’t disappoint,
They should be shown in bullet point.

Then anyone of any age,
Their doubts on purchase can assuage,
By reading something no more long,
Than lyrics in an iTunes song.

Image – Pixabay

TRUMPS TERRIBLE TWEETS

twitter-logo

It is reported that Twitter has continued to make a loss despite its incessant use by Donald Trump which was expected to boost its revenues.

The Twitter force was almost spent,
When the new US government,
Led by one Donald Trump, no less,
Use it the people to address.

So Twitter from that day became,
The Government in all but name,
For policy, commands and all,
And information on the wall.

It was the means by which you knew,
What edicts had been issued to,
Officials who would them enact,
And generally with little tact.

So everybody thought Trump was,
A saviour now arrived because,
As Twitter users caught the news,
It should increase its revenues.

But no, this hasn’t quite worked out,
Despite the fact that Trump’s got clout,
Its revenues stay in decline,
Despite his tweeting asinine.

So is this once again Trump’s curse?
Affecting business as diverse,
As fashion to his girl’s dismay,
And Twitter as we see today.

Trump boasts about his business skills,
That he knows how to fill the tills,
But usually he interacts,
With flunkeys who might give him facts,
And should they say not ‘yes’ but ‘no’,
Then out the door they will soon go.

But speaking to the common man,
He should remember if he can,
That customers and voters say,
They’ll not take insults in that way.

For soon the people might rebel,
Will make his life just complete hell,
A revolution would be worst –
It would indeed not be the first!

Image – Pixabay

BRING BACK THE CHARCOAL BURNERS

charcoal-burners

It is reported that Donald Trump has promised to restore closed-down industries to the USA.

The Donald Trump that we all know,
Has promised that he’ll strike a blow,
For US workers, some at least,
Whose jobs have gone to the Far East.

Some of the firms back then went bust,
And factories were just left to rust,
So Trump has promised with no wait,
These factories he will reinstate.

So gone will be the mould and rust,
Then everyone can earn a crust,
And industries of old they lack,
Will very soon be coming back.

The charcoal burners will be first,
For their fate’s really been the worst;
It’s centuries since they last worked,
Or in some cases, maybe shirked.

And then the coopers, wheelwrights too,
If they remember what to do,
Plus sailmakers who I’m afraid,
Have little for the navy made,
For probably two hundred years,
Since companies were trading furs.

But one thing that he has not said,
Is if things won’t be in the red,
The workers’ wages if you please,
Must be the same as the Chinese.

The prospect, then, does not look swell,
And probably won’t go down well,
There might be more than grunts and bleats,
Like rioting down in the streets.

Image – Wikimedia commons

TESCO TOP HAT & TAILS

shopping-trolleys

It is reported that Tesco has banned people from shopping in their pyjamas but other supermarkets have different policies.

Our supermarkets know their food,
And some of them think it’s just rude,
If customers don’t dress up right,
And turn up in their clothes of night.

They don’t insist on morning dress,
Which would the checkout girls impress,
But what they want is normal clothes,
Preferably including those,
There on display within their shops,
Between the loo rolls, soap and mops.

So Tesco says, “You can’t come in,
For wearing PJs is a sin;
Our people will on you all frown,
If you are in your dressing gown.”

John Lewis, though, says “We don’t mind.
People can come in any kind,
Of ’jamas whether new or old,
Because we’ll not be undersold.”

Then on to Sainsbury’s where they say,
“We have no dress code here today;
Our customers show common sense,
As they spend all their pounds and pence.”

And then to Asda, “We don’t care,
What kind of clothes the people wear,
When they come in to buy their food,
As long as they’re not in the nude.”

And finally, from Yorkshire, West,
Comes Morrisons which says, “It’s best,
To let in folk of any class,
As long as they’ve brought lots of brass!”

Image – Pixabay

THE BELL TOLLS

big-ben-clock-and-bell

It is reported that the Whitechapel Foundry, which opened in 1570 when Elizabeth I was on the throne, is to close in 2017.

The foundry in Whitechapel Road,
To which I dedicate this ode,
Has stood since ’Lizabethan days,
When Shakespeare wrote most of his plays.

It makes things out of metal, cast,
Is not concerned to do things fast,
And one commission it did take,
A century or more to make.

Its main business is making bells,
For churches such as Bath and Wells,
But its most famous bell to date,
Was cast in 1858,
It’s hung in London Town since then,
And we all know it as Big Ben.

In fact Big Ben was there re-cast,
Because the first one did not last,
It had been first cast if you please,
Up north in Stockton on the Tees.

The first one broke I’m sad to say,
And so it was then sent away,
To Whitechapel to be re-made,
And hopefully to make the grade.

It all went well, no loss of face,
And was hung in its proper place,
The hammer then gave it a whack,
And it got quite a nasty crack.

The bellman said, “Why, damn and drat!
The thing sounds really rather flat.”
The crack is still there to this day,
And that is why it sounds that way.

But I digress to some extent,
For with this verse it’s my intent,
To give you facts and figures so,
More than before you ought to know.

The foundry is the oldest firm,
In Britain just as you now learn,
And as for a bell-making space,
The whole world has no older place.

But sadly I must now report,
That orders have been rather short;
Whitechapel’s been left in the lurch,
’Cos people don’t now go to church.

So next year it has plans to close,
To sell its assets I suppose,
And then for bells you’ll have to go,
To Taylor’s up in Loughboro’

It will be sad I have to say,
To see this old firm fade away,
Perhaps some person rich and brave,
Might step in to the foundry save.

Image – Flickr

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TOBLERONE

SONY DSC

It is reported that the makers of Toblerone have made the chocolate bar smaller by increasing the spacing of the peaks.

The makers of this chocolate bar,
Are fast becoming the bête noir,
Of chocoholics everywhere,
Because they just don’t seem to care.

They have bought up some famous brands,
But once they get them in their hands,
They put less chocolate in the bar,
So that they don’t then go as far.

While they do this the outer size,
Looks much the same to people’s eyes,
It’s when they look inside the block,
That chocolate lovers get a shock.

We’ve seen the orange hollowed out,
Of this there really is no doubt,
And here now in the latest tweaks,
The spacing of the Alpine peaks,
In Toblerone has been increased,
By thirty-five per cent at least.

They must think people will not spot,
The changes but they’re quite a lot,
And with this Toblerone attack,
The thing looks like a cycle rack!

Image – Wikimedia commons

Find all Ebenezer Bean’s books on Amazon.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Ddigital-text&field-keywords=ebenezer+bean&rh=n%3A341677031%2Ck%3Aebenezer+bean