CATALAN REFERENDUM

Catalonia map

It is reported that Spanish police violently tried to stop a referendum on Catalan independence from Spain which had been declared illegal by the Spanish courts.

The Catalan folk have long said,
That their small enclave on the Med,
Should from Spain independent be,
So that its people can be free.

They’ve had this view a long long time,
As I am telling you in rhyme,
But the Government in Madrid,
Has always tried to keep a lid,
On any separatist dissent,
And never on this would relent.

So when the Catalans declared,
That people’s views should now be aired,
By voting in favour or not,
You might think it had lost the plot.

It blocked the voting in the court,
To try to take away support,
Then when the people didn’t cease
It sent in riotous police.

The police with a heavy hand,
Said, “Voting here has just been banned.
You have to disperse very quick,
Or else we’ll hit you with our sticks.”

They didn’t go, so some were bashed,
As voters and police then clashed,
And injured ones went pretty fast,
To where they sold Elastoplast.

They got patched up as you could see,
From images on the TV,
And police tactics could not hide,
As pictures quickly went worldwide.

The EU was asked for its view,
But words it uttered were so few,
That people started to conclude,
That in this Inter-Spanish feud,
They thought the separatists should pay,
But didn’t really want to say.

We don’t know what will happen next,
With everybody pretty vexed;
The whole wide world now waits agog,
And you can read it in my blog.

Image – Mutxamel, subido por Rastrojo / Wikimedia commons

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WORST FOOT FORWARD

Juncker 2

It is reported that Jean-Claude Juncker has given a speech to the European Parliament in which he painted a picture of a United States of Europe, saying that both Britain and Europe would regret Brexit and he would surely make certain that they would. With friends like this who needs ….

So Jean-Claude Juncker’s on fine form,
Now threatening, as is the norm,
That after Brexit – that’s a sin –
The sky will soon be falling in.

Brexit is bad, he’ll make it worse,
Will bring to bear the Euro curse,
And when it is all said and done,
The other states will all be one.

These others left will toe the line,
For not to do would be a sign,
Of disobedience which would,
For Juncker’s future not be good.

So members will lose their vetoes,
And will be forced to accept those,
New rules and regs and such whatnot,
Whether it’s good for them or not.

But now the highlight of his speech:
He would force rather than beseech,
All countries that have not yet joined,
The Euro with its notes and coins,
To join up quick without delay,
Which means to do it right away.

No matter ’twas a German trick,
Which worked ’cos people were so thick;
It’s right now to the zone enlarge,
With friendly Germans still in charge.

They will command us what to do,
They’re good at that as you all knew,
But will they keep us in the pink?
Well, you should have another think!

They’ll watch the money like a hawk,
If you want some they’re bound to balk,
And now that the die has been cast,
They’re running everything at last.

They’ve always wanted it that way,
So only they can have their say,
And if some should try to resist,
On points asking them to desist,
If you think back to days of yore,
That’s really all been tried before.

It didn’t work then and won’t now,
Will lead to one almighty row;
This is for them sine qua non,
And by then Juncker will be gone.

So how might all of this pan out?
The Germans, who have lots of clout,
Will doubtless want themselves to psych,
And might just call it the Fourth ….

Image – dw.com

WATTS UP?

Cleaner cartoon

It is reported that the European Union has banned the sale of vacuum cleaners with a power of more than 900 Watts as of 1 September 2017.

A hoover helps to clean the room,
Does not portend impending doom,
So the EU, without a doubt,
Should really keep its fingers out.

The best ones have a lot of suck,
Which helps them quickly clean the muck,
And whether bag or cyclone type,
Though there can be a lot of hype,
It’s those that have the highest power,
That better can the work devour.

So hoovering should be a breeze,
All done and with consummate ease;
You really just have to make sure,
The watts you get are more, not fewer.

But now the EU sticks its nose,
Into the hoover, just in prose,
And they say that a hoover green,
Can still produce a house that’s clean,
And since the watts are rather few,
It’s likely to be quiet too.

So they have banned from yesterday,
Machines which on the label say,
That they’re more than nine hundred watt,
Which, although it might sound a lot,
Is not so much and rather mean,
When you want to your carpet clean.

So from now on you might expect,
Because of your great intellect,
To keep your carpets clean and bright,
You’ll have to hoover through the night.

Nocturnal hoovering is bad,
But could it now become a fad?
Because the EU folk are dense,
Or at least short on common sense.

But rules as bad as ones like this,
Can often be a nemesis;
So in this case might they portend,
Some misfortune, perhaps the end,
Of the EU that some can’t stand –
Should we give it a helping hand?

MORE EUROS PLEASE

Wine red

It is reported that European Commissioners are travelling extravagantly and being paid expenses without having to submit receipts.

So what is new? This is folklore,
And we have heard it all before;
The leaders of the great EU,
Have always known just what to do,
To travel in the way that’s best,
No matter North, South, East or West.

So when they fly they travel first,
Which means their leg-room’s more dispersed,
And though there is Champagne on tap,
There’s that bit more room for a nap.

But sometimes first class is too plain,
So they might want to think again,
And since there’s still more money yet,
They might quite like a private jet.

Now private jets do not come cheap,
And though the EU’s pockets deep,
They’re struggling now to pay the fare,
To keep their people in the air.

So what to do? The cash is short,
And still more tickets must be bought;
Perhaps they could tell Mrs May,
In Brexit she will have to pay.

A hundred billion might do,
The UK paying isn’t new,
So they will know just how to send,
The money for them all to spend.

The Brits will doubtless moan and bitch,
And go on endlessly ’bout which,
Clause in the treaty says that they,
Have anything at all to pay.

They’ll say the figure is too high,
But you know just as well as I,
That if your spending at their rate,
A hundred billion isn’t great!

Image – Les Haines / Flickr

GARDER À GAUCHE

Citroen 2CV half

It is reported that the authorities in Calais are planning that everyone should drive on the left during the Bank holiday weekend in May 2018 as a kind gesture to the Brexiting British.

The French have got une bonne idée,
Although it may not seem that way,
They plan one weekend next year, spring,
That people who their cars do bring,
For just a few days they all might,
Drive on the left and not the right.

“The Brits will like it,” says the mayor,
“For when they come from over there,
Such driving will avoid the queues,
As they stock up on bargain booze.

They’ll find it’s really very good,
Will spend and drink more than they should,
And when they are all set to load,
They will not have to cross the road.

So they will load up twice as fast,
The first box right through to the last,
And if they’re sober when they leave,
That’s something I would disbelieve.”

“But what about the French?” you ask,
“For them it will be such a task,
To navigate on left not right,
And some of them might start a fight.”

“We’ve thought of that,” the mayor replied,
“And we are keeping them on side.
We’ve told them it’s a chance to learn,
For something that they mostly yearn,
Which is to leave this place Calais,
And go and live in the U.K!”

Image -High Contrast / Wikimedia commons

SMURFRIES

Chips

It is reported that the EU is insisting that the Belgians change their recipe for making chips so as to avoid the formation of acrylamide which is bad for health.

The Belgians always fry chips twice,
Which is what makes them extra nice,
But the EU says if thus fried,
They will contain acrylamide.

They say the temperature’s too high,
They should parboil before they fry,
And if they do their chips will be,
The safest they can ever be.

Smurflanders say, “This is all rot!
To parboil’s something we will not!
We know all this ’cos we are wise,
And don’t want any soggy fries.

The Belgian method is so good,
The chips turn out just like they should,
With centres soft and crisp outside,
They are the best you’ve ever tried.”

The EU then backs off a bit,
“We really do not want to sit,
In judgement on your Belgian fries,
Or what they ought to be in size.

But health and safety’s number one,
So when your chips are being done,
Do keep below one seven five,
So there’ll be no acrylamide.

And then you ought to be all right,
Can eat your chips both day and night,
But it’s still not quite ‘All right Jack’ –
You might still have a heart attack!”

Image – Jeremy Keith / Flickr

HOW TO PEEL A BANANA

Banana Dolphins

It is reported that bananas should be peeled starting at the non-stalk end.

Bananas come, bananas go,
But one thing that you ought to know,
When opening one is your intent,
No matter be it straight or bent,
Is from which end you ought to peel,
So to prepare it for your meal.

Now monkeys, ’cos they’re very smart,
All know at which end they should start;
It’s not the stalk end that they choose,
Instead the other one they use.

So we should take our cue from them,
No longer starting at the stem,
Then as we do prepare our treat,
Our enjoyment will be complete.

And so that we will peel this way,
You ought to know ’til Brexit day,
Procedures for this simple chore,
Will be enshrined in EU law.