BLAME BREXIT (WHAT ELSE)

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It is reported that German Chancellor Angela Merkel has suffered a third bout of shaking while standing in public within a month. She continues to insist that everything is OK although she admits to not knowing what is not wrong with her.

“I see you’ve noticed that I shake,
When standing if too long they take
To play the music, make the speech,
And if my lectern’s out of reach.

Some people think I must be ill,
And therefore ought to take a pill,
But in response I have to say,
It wouldn’t do much anyway.

That’s ’cos I don’t know what it is,
That sends me thus into a tizz,
And so, unlike an earache,
I wouldn’t know which pill to take.

So I just plan to soldier on,
Two years till 2021,
But after that we’ll have to see –
The chancellor will not be me.

But until then do not concern
Yourselves if I should have a turn,
It might not even be the same,
But we can simply Brexit blame.”

BONKERS BANKERS

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It is reported that Christine Lagarde, who was convicted of negligence for her part in a financial scandal while French finance minister (but then let off because she was famous and had been head of the International Monetary Fund since her (also French) predecessor was arrested) is being proposed as the next head of the European Central Bank.

The ECB needs a new boss,
And though I don’t much give a toss,
It does seem strange they might appoint,
Ms C Lagarde to head the joint.

So far so good but do recall,
In former times she had a fall
From grace while minister in France,
In charge, I think, of their finance.

The case then ended up in court;
She’d not been doing what she ought,
And after arguments quite tense,
She then went down for negligence.

I say ‘went down’ which means to jail.
But this case was beyond the pale,
For as she was well-known, you know,
The French court simply let her go.

So very soon we’ll likely find,
As long as MEPs don’t mind,
This careless personality,
Is in charge of the ECB.

For euro this not augurs well,
It might go badly, who can tell?
But we must trust for good or ill,
French fingers stay out of the till.

Image – MEDEF / Wikimedia Commons

EXCITED? SURELY NOT

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It is reported that Angela Merkel suffered another shaking fit as she stood at a swearing in ceremony, her second public shaking in a little over a week.

Frau Merkel, German Chancellor,
To some might seem a dreadful bore,
And one would not imagine she,
Would ever too excited be.

But in the days most recently,
On two occasions, maybe three,
She has been seen to shake a bit –
Was it excitement or a fit?

When asked, she said her health was good,
She took no more pills than she should,
And this slight shaking that we saw,
Was not something we should deplore.

“In fact,” said she, “I’m really fine.
I consume daily ale and wine,
And if my head is feeling sore,
Then I might drink a little more.”

So now you know, I think that we,
More clearly the problem see:
Her body wouldn’t shake like this,
If she weren’t always on the p*ss!

OMG – STILL BREXIT!

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It is reported that three months after we were promised we would leave the European Union we are still in it and Brexit’s occupation of the daily news is undiminished. The cast may be changing but the plot is immovable.

Six months ago I ceased to write,
My daily blog which did seem right,
Because, recall, our Mrs May,
Had promised us our Brexit day.

In March would that day come to pass,
But then the stupid silly ass,
Extended it not once but twice,
And that is it to be precise.

With many this went down not well,
And some spoke up, said, “Why the hell,
Have you done this? It is no good,
We should have left, you know we should.”

So in reply, she said, “My deal,
Is really quite the best, I feel;
It is for us the very best,
And comes out well in any test.”

But people said, “That deal is crap,
For us it’s in the face a slap;
It will not do, you have to go,
And that’s a fact I think you know.

Well, in the end, she said she’d go,
But people really ought to know,
’Twould do no good because, she’s sure,
Her present deal may still endure.

So here we are a few months on,
And Mrs May will soon be gone,
But who will then be at the top,
And will he be another flop?

I suppose, in time, we’ll likely see,
What sort of person he will be,
Right now there’s two could wear the crown –
There’s Mr Smooth or Mr Clown!

KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON

Keep calm and carry on

It is reported that I have been writing blogs every day for more than two years but, starting in Brexit year, I will no longer write one each day. There will still be occasional new ones so keep looking and there are over eight hundred previous ones which will hopefully keep you amused. So Happy New Year and happy reading. And all are available as Kindle and paperback collections on Amazon – search for Ebenezer Bean.

I’ll leave you on a Brexit note,
The consequence of that old vote,
And, really, it was bound to be,
Enshrouded in controversy.

The pros and cons, you know, are vexed,
No-one knows what might happen next;
Some still predict a golden age,
While others are in quite a rage.

So do keep reading every week,
You’ll find out if the future’s bleak,
And what becomes of Mrs May –
I’m meaning will she go or stay?

So, too, across the Channel there,
Will any politician dare,
To tell French farmers would they please,
Stop exporting their wine and cheese.

French farmers have a lot of clout,
Will get the yellow jackets out,
And with their tractors – how you say? –
They know well how to block the way.

So when it comes to Brexit day,
And everyone has had their say,
Do read my writings one by one,
And just keep calm and carry on.

 

RESTER CALME

Keep calm and carry on

It is reported that President Macron has tried (unsuccessfully) to silence the gilets jaunes protesters with a handful of big giveaways which, being France, could start a revolution.

With Brexit now it’s my belief,
You’d like a bit of light relief,
So hop across the Channel where,
The Macron Wunderkind is there.

I’m sorry, though, and must report,
The news from there is of the sort,
That might still tend to make you yawn,
Concerning Macron’s Gallic dawn.

He promised to reform the state,
To lower the taxation rate,
Because it takes a half, you see,
Of France’s yearly GDP.

He did some bits and bobs at first,
But then began to fear the worst,
As rioting within the towns,
Threatened to bring him crashing down.

He opened up the coffers then,
And so he might the riots stem,
He gave out cash, reduced the tax,
So fiscal discipline was lax.

But rioting still did not stop,
For since he’d given such a lot,
Presumably, the people thought,
They’d carry on and see what sort,
Of other goodies they might get,
So not to stop the fighting yet.

Protesters, therefore, all still fight,
Against Macron with all their might,
And he could have across the land,
A revolution on his hands.

For when the going gets too tough,
And people have just had enough,
The French rebel, Germans invade,
But as for Britons, I’m afraid,
With common sense sine qua non,
We just keep calm and carry on.

HUGS AND KISSES

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It is reported that the President of the European Commission Jean Claude Juncker has been photographed going round kissing EU officials and tousling their hair.

It seems like almost every day,
That somebody pops up to say,
That – how can I put this in verse –
They’ve been molested, maybe worse.

Because this is beyond the pale,
Some people then end up in jail,
And others who I cannot name,
Will stop if they have done the same.

It seems there’s less of this today,
We hope it has all gone away,
And now at work there isn’t much,
For folk may look but not to touch.

But the EU seems out of line,
For, risking prison or a fine,
The boss man in the whole EU,
Might have some learning still to do.

For he’s been photographed out there,
Running his hands through people’s hair,
And kissing them upon a whim,
With some that look less keen than him.

Perhaps he’s simply not aware,
Or might he do it for a dare?
Or maybe, though I can’t think why,
To him the rules might not apply.

Image – Dimitris Avramopoulos