It is reported that the EU has inserted an ‘Elgin Marbles’ clause into its draft post-Brexit trade negotiating demands to add to the Spanish land-grab on Gibraltar.

It’s pretty clear that the EU,
Sees trade agreements it will do,
With Britain should just be designed,
To make sure we are, well, maligned.

Some things aren’t relevant, of course,
But still it wants them all in force,
Because it thinks it might as well,
And in such things it does excel.

And so it says in guarded words,
That objects d’art – as it refers –
That people may – or not – dispute,
And so might be considered loot,
Should be returned from whence they came,
Or where made – which might be the same.

The Elgin Marbles spring to mind,
For those that were not left behind,
In London now have pride of place,
Which some Greeks think is a disgrace.

So the EU takes on their cause,
And cannot wait to get its paws,
On these and other things like that,
But only good stuff, not the tat.

So things like this might be imposed,
The Union being predisposed,
To include in its business plan,
Such dreadful features if it can.

In time, of course, we will all see,
If things like this will come to be,
Or if Boris (looks like a lout),
Will take his pen and strike them out.


Sledging hill

It is reported that £90,000 in European Union ‘cohesion’ funds has been spent on building a sledging hill in Hungary in the hamlet of Jakabszállás where it hardly ever snows.

If you would like to … yes you will!
Build some sort of a sledging hill,
Then my advice to you today,
Is get the kind EU to pay.

They have the cash, that’s not in doubt,
And they so like to dole it out;
They like to give it out so fast,
And do it with few questions asked.

There might be some, like, “What’s your name?”
Or, “Who will be the best to blame,
If it goes wrong and people say,
It shouldn’t have been done that way?”

But that aside, the money’s there,
So you might as well have your share;
It will look good, at least a bit,
Even if no-one uses it.

The Magyars did as they were told,
They built the hill for young and old,
But when all done they had to say,
There wouldn’t be much snow that day.

And not the next nor after that,
But if you thought you’d smelled a rat,
Don’t worry there might be a loss –
The EU couldn’t give a toss.

The project’s finished, money spent,
They can account for where it went,
So now they’ve gone, gone off in haste.
To see what more cash they can waste!


Brexit jigsaw 1

It is reported that Boris Johnson has stopped using the word ‘Brexit’ now that it has happened and we have left the European Union; it is a thing of the past.

The Government, it’s said, decreed,
That this word we no longer need,
For it refers to one event,
Which recently we underwent.

And that’s now firmly in the past,
So though some people were aghast,
It happened and can’t be undone,
To suit the ones who haven’t won.

But now we must attention turn,
To other matters of concern,
Like how we now cooperate,
With this new euro superstate.

For it’s still there, I have to say,
Still trying every which and way,
Despite the outcome of our poll,
That it can still exert control.

So for a year our work’s cut out,
And we must stay polite throughout,
Because this will, at any rate,
The others discombobulate.



It is reported that Nicola Sturgeon intends to keep flying the EU flag over Scottish government buildings after Brexit day.

She is a law unto herself,
And short, our favourite Scottish elf,
And she decided recently,
The flags the wanted flown would be,
Of course the Scottish saltire and,
The twelve gold stars of Euroland.

Now in the past this was OK,
Because, you know, back in the day,
Scotland was still in the EU,
Along with other places too.

But now they’re not the flag should go,
With just the Union Jack on show,
Though I suppose we could allow,
That cross that’s white on blue for now.

But is Miss S within her rights,
To use the flags to make such slights?
Or should she have to toe the line,
And fly flags of the right design?

The answer is I do not know,
And maybe nor does she and so,
Someone should tell to her the rules,
Which might – just might – her disabuse.

But even when she isn’t right,
She will be spoiling for a fight,
And one thing she’ll not do, I fear,
Is leave the flags and disappear.


Good bye

It is reported that Brexit Day passed off uneventfully and the dust has settled …?

The dust has settled, I suppose,
But really, truly, no-one knows,
Because the parties have now set
Out things we haven’t seen as yet.

It might be posturing – can’t say –
In preparation for the day,
When both sides meet to see if they,
Can do a deal that is OK.

The omens right now don’t seem good,
But they’ll start talking as they should,
And we must hope that Boris J,
Will not give everything away,
Like Mrs May did yesteryear,
Which drove most people to despair.

There’s now a deadline – end of year,
To force the pace as we prefer,
And this should mean at any rate,
The EU can’t prevaricate.

The EU lost round number one –
It failed to get Brexit undone –
So soon we’ll see who will prevail,
And if they’re still beyond the the pale.

So cross your fingers, hope for luck,
And that discussions don’t get stuck,
And do give Boris your support –
There is a battle to be fought!



It is reported that an argument has erupted as to whether the new Brexit fifty pence coin should have an ‘Oxford comma or not: (‘Peace, prosperity, and friendship, with all nations’ or ‘Peace, prosperity and friendship with all nations’)

The Oxford comma, have you heard?
Is placed after the final word,
Of several items in a list,
And some say it should not be missed.

But others, also learned too,
Say that it should be up to you,
To make your mind up for to use,
Might clarify or just confuse.

There really is no right or wrong,
Within the written English tongue;
No matter what you do it’s plain,
Somebody always will complain!


Big Ben

It is reported that Big Ben will not ring in Brexit on 31 January 2020 as it will be too costly to arrange.

Last year some MPs did propose,
In poetry – or was it prose ?–
That Big Ben should be set to chime,
As I’m explaining in this rhyme,
To mark our leaving the EU,
And after that it would strike too.

But Speaker Bercow, he said, “No!
I do not like Brexit and so,
To mark the day I’ll not agree,
And will not issue such decree.”

And that was it till Bercow went,
And his replacement’s new intent,
Was that MPs should have a vote,
Result of which he’d duly note.

But ere the vote could be arranged,
The basis of the costs had changed,
And somebody would have to pay,
A total of five hundred k.

Most MPs then thought it unwise,
To foot a bill of such a size,
And so the old clock’s chimes won’t play,
In January on Brexit day.