JEAN CLAUDE DRUNKER?

Juncker cartoon

It is reported that the President of the European Commission was unsteady on his feet as he arrived at an official NATO function yesterday and had to be supported by the French President and other heads of state to prevent him falling over, which would have been almost as embarrassing as pictures of him struggling to stand up. A spokesman said his unsteadiness was due to sciatica, (not drink) … hic.

One Luxembourger likes his wine,
The types he drinks are very fine,
So not for him the Spanish plonk –
That’s far too prone to make one honk.

But though it might not make one ill,
Too many glasses likely will,
Make one unsteady on one’s feet,
When walking down the road or street.

So people then began to talk,
About Herr Juncker’s wobbly walk,
Because, it seemed, it could be due,
To glasses drunk – more than a few.

“Why, no,” his spokesman said quite quick,
“If you think that you’re pretty thick.
Sciatica is what he’s got,
In fact he suffers quite a lot.

His problem is sciatic pain,
Which he’s got used to in the main,
And so, though hard to reconcile,
He often manages a smile.

So talk of drink is premature,
He only drinks one glass or fewer,
So if you see him with some drink,
Well, that’s Ribena, I should think.”

Image – DonkeyHotey / Flickr

PISCIS (LATIN = FISH)

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It is reported that fishmongers in Marseille have been fined for failing to display the Latin or full scientific names of fish at point of sale as required by EU regulation No 1379/2013.

The EU overflows with rules,
Some seem to be made up by fools,
And when it comes to food and wine,
The French will take charge every time.

It’s likely that they’ve had a say,
In each rule that comes into play,
Including one concerning fish –
A very appetising dish.

The regulation says you must,
If selling fish to earn a crust,
Display the fish with Latin name,
And where it’s from and whence it came.

The reason for this isn’t clear,
And so I can’t give you a steer,
But likely it’s a pointless rule,
Designed by people who play boules,

But anyway, I have digressed;
Because the French should know the best,
You might expect them to adhere,
To their own rules, however queer.

But I have learnt that they do not;
It mostly matters not a lot,
But in Marseilles the other day,
The fishmongers were made to pay.

The fines were hundreds – pounds, I think,
And there they caused a dreadful stink,
Because the French, who like their way,
Declared then that they wouldn’t pay.

And there we are, so what is new?
The Germans act in this way too;
Whatever rules they like to make,
Eventually they seem to break!

UNDERMINING DEMOCRACY

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It is reported that Donald Tusk, President of the European Council, possibly in connection with Donald Trump’s call for Russia to be readmitted to the G7 group of industrialised nations, has said that Donald Trump is ‘playing into the hands’ of those who want to undermine democracy.

Now Donald Tusk’s a kindly sort,
But when his namesake said they ought,
To admit Russia once again,
He said that he should use his brain,
And make Putin now bide his time,
Because he tries to undermine,
Democracy here in the West,
And can, therefore, be quite a pest.

All the above is likely true,
But one thing should be plain to you,
Which is that he and the EU,
Are undermining it all too.

For in Brexit the EU still,
Determined to defeat the will,
Of British people to secede,
Refuses to their voices heed.

It’s done this several times before,
Insisting voters vote some more,
Until people – that’s me and you –
Vote as we’re told by the EU.

It’s not just Brexit, though, because,
When Italy in turmoil was,
The EU told them that they can,
Not have a eurosceptic man,
Or woman as their next PM,
So they would have to choose again.

And then, of course, remember Greece?
The EU was intent to fleece,
The country for all that it had,
Which really was so very bad,
When Greeks had voted to be free,
In the home of democracy.

While former votes, French, Irish, Dutch,
Did not, in fact, amount to much,
As all were told to go away,
And vote again another day.

But the EU should just beware:
It hasn’t been elected there,
And dictatorial regimes,
Oppressing people, so it seems,
And stopping those that want to leave,
Should know such people are aggrieved.

And history tells regimes like this,
All, in due time, find they’re dismissed,
Except ones which their people shoot,
To make sure more don’t follow suit.

I’m not suggesting that they would,
Shoot citizens and spill their blood,
So history teaches that, perhaps,
The EU will, one day, collapse.

On that day many will rejoice,
Regain their democratic voice,
But what the future might then be,
We will just have to wait and see

A TRILLION? SO WHAT?

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It is reported that the European Commission’s budget now exceeds one trillion pounds per year to the dismay of some of those having to pay for it.

The EU, it seems, knows no bounds,
When it prepares the budget rounds,
For it has just produced a sum,
That’s will make lots of people glum.

The budget that they want to spend,
Which member states must give, not lend,
Is over one trillion pounds,
A quantity that’s without bounds.

The Austrians, who this have seen,
It’s fair to say are non too keen,
And I’m completely free to tell,
So are the Danes and Dutch as well.

Their governments are up in arms,
And at this prospect are alarmed,
So to the EU they complain,
But the reply is just disdain.

The EU says they do not know,
Why this cash must be spent and so,
There is no way that they can say,
So they should just shut up and pay.

That will not go down very well,
In some countries quite hard to sell,
But for those still in the EU,
There’s not a lot that they can do.

BULLIES!

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It is reported that the Belgian Prime Minister has accused the United States of ‘putting a gun to the EU’s head’ during trade negotiations; something the EU would never do. Ask Theresa May.

You know that Donald Trump is for,
A world-wide, global all out war,
I don’t mean one that’s weapons grade,
But rather one affecting trade.

He threatens he will punish those,
He doesn’t like and will impose,
More tariffs on all sorts of things,
From steel and cars to earrings.

The EU says, “That’s so unfair!
To tax goods that are going spare.
And this is threatening, what you’ve said,
It’s like a gun against our head.

Now we would not behave like this,
Just ask the English, ask the Swiss;
We’re in discussion everywhere,
And all the time are more than fair.”

The English and the Swiss then sighed,
“It sounds like the EU has lied;
They set up meetings tête à tête,
But really don’t negotiate,
And if you don’t do as they say,
They give you a big bill to pay.

For they are bullies, simply put,
They walk around the room and strut;
They simply blurt out their demands,
And also lots of reprimands.

They are frustrating, that’s for sure,
Drive you to products of the brewer,
But one day they’ll run out of luck,
And that’s when they will come unstuck!

They rule, more or less, by decree,
Which doesn’t work when folk are free;
They don’t allow too much debate,
So one day will disintegrate.

For people won’t be pushed around,
Will vote with feet is what we’ve found;
For some it is the final straw,
And what we’re doing Brexit for.

FENCING POLES

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It is reported that Poland is to build a 770 mile long fence along its eastern border with Russia, Belarus and Ukraine to keep wild boars out as they spread African swine fever.

The Poles don’t like the Russian boar,
Of which they’re seeing more and more,
Because they have a bad disease,
Passed on to local pigs with ease.

It’s fever, African of swine,
Which I must twist to make it rhyme,
And farmers are all up in arms,
Because it does a lot of harm.

So there are plans to build a fence;
The study has been quite intense,
And with a height of six foot four,
It should keep out the Russian boar.

But boars are clever, they can dig,
At least as well as any pig;
So it must be part underground,
Or so the detailed study found.

So that’s the plan, they start it soon,
At least before the end of June,
And, though a fence, it’s not as tall,
As Donald Trump’s more famous wall.

It will be built of post and wire,
As I said: six foot four, no higher;
They’re certain to achieve their goals,
’Cos they’ve got lots of six foot poles!

BREXIT THREATS

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It is reported that Michel Barnier, the EU’s chief negotiator, has angered some of the other twenty-seven EU members by aggressively insisting on impossible conditions for the UK’s exit and threatening to deal out punishments by blocking goods and grounding flights if Britain fails to do as he demands.

The Brexit talks are now in stall,
And I, for one, cannot recall,
If any progress has been made,
Relating to the terms of trade.

There’s been some talk of transition,
Attempts at its definition,
But Barnier, chief ‘them or us’,
Has now been quite discourteous.

We must accept his terms, he say,
With which you likely are au fait,
And if we don’t he will block trade,
So that his rules we can’t evade.

So no more cars or cheese or wine,
Vacations where the sun doth shine;
And if to Europe you are bound,
Your aircraft will stay on the ground.

This is severe, it’s nonsense too,
’Cos members of the new EU,
Though they think leaving may be rash,
Above all they still want our cash.

So member states now show their hand,
For this they won’t much longer stand,
And they’ll tell Barnier his aims,
Must be more realistic claims.

For what’s been offered is inept,
No country would such things accept,
And this is, so it seems, the view,
Of other states in the EU.

So Barnier’s been ill-advised,
To issue threats of such a size,
And maybe now some other states,
Will say he should not so dictate,
But make some offers that just might,
Survive to see, of day, the light.

If he does not then panic may,
Break out if Britain walks away,
Because the EU knows it must,
Agree trade terms at any cost.

It’s unbelievable that they,
Should think that they could get away,
With such behaviour as they’ve shown,
And they should all have better known.

Within a year we should all know,
If this is right or wrong and so,
With fingers crossed let’s bide our time,
Till the next update, here, in rhyme.

Image – www.securityconference.de Kai Mork / Wikimedia commons