TOO MANY TOYS

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It is reported that a new study has concluded that children who have fewer toys to play with are more resourceful and creative than those who have lots.

Most children like a lot of toys,
That’s true for girls as well as boys,
And other genders I suppose,
But let’s not worry about those.

But lots of toys are not so good,
Kids don’t play with them as they should,
And a report says that, in fact,
Such kids are easy to distract.

With fewer toys kids must work hard,
Less things to use in that regard,
And their imagination is,
Improved and that’s both hers and his.

For parents this is all good news;
There’s fewer things that one can lose,
And less to stand on, less to break,
So, in the end, less earache.

But you should choose the toys with care,
Your child might say it isn’t fair,
If one’s a Hoover, though renowned,
Which she’s supposed to push around.

But please don’t go to the extreme,
Or you might hear your infant scream;
For though some toys can be a hit,
There surely must be a limit,
To what your Harry, Tom or Dick,
Can make with just one Lego brick!

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FRANÇAIS ÊTRE NOMBRE UN!?

French 1

It is reported that French President Emmanuel Macron has announced in a speech in Burkina Faso that he will make French the first language of Africa and then the first language of the world. Dream on!

French presidents, you might have thought,
Have many things they really ought,
To do while they in office are,
As well as propping up the bar.

The country’s big, it must be run,
The job’s not meant to be much fun,
Especially when Brexit looms,
Creating words for Macron’s plumes.

Speaking of which, his latest ploy,
Deliberately to us annoy,
Is rubbishing the English tongue,
And say he will, before too long,
Make French the leader in its stead,
Which will help France to get ahead.

In Brexit, then, he sees his chance,
For this change might his plans enhance,
Because right after we are gone,
In the EU there’ll be no-one,
Whose formal language English is,
For talking politics and biz.

So Macron soon might make his move,
The English language to remove,
From all of Europe’s regs and rules;
But other people are not fools,
And they know it is not the case,
That French the English can displace.

For it’s so commonly in use,
With rules for grammar rather loose,
And as you can see in this verse,
The writing’s really none the worse,
For what the French would think kaput –
The words in any order put.

So Macron should take care right now,
Since he has rashly made this vow;
But, luckily, in French he spoke,
Not understood by many folk,
And though he’d think that a disgrace,
It might just help to save his face!

KIDDIESHRINKS

Psychiatrist Flickr anr

It is reported that a third more children are seeing psychiatrists as their stress levels increase with mounting levels of anxiety, bullying, depression and the effects of social media.

A kiddie’s life one time was fun,
They used to go outside and run,
And, if allowed, then they would play,
There pretty much the whole damn day.

Then bullying was not so rife,
But a backhander from the wife,
While aimed towards a child’s behind,
Would never then depress the mind.

But now, it seems, all this has changed,
Our little kids are all deranged;
It doesn’t matter what you think,
More children now go see a shrink.

One reason, you have likely guessed,
Is that the blighters are depressed,
And, more than that, it seems to me,
They’re consumed by anxiety.

The culprits are not hard to spot,
Because kids now spend such a lot,
Of time on Facebook, Twitter too,
And, probably, that Tube called You.

The stress of this distorts the mind,
More so than any other kind,
Of interaction with one’s peers,
Even if one or two are queers.

So time thus spent should be reduced,
For, if so, it can be deduced,
That kids will come back from the brink,
And then they might not need a shrink!

SACRE BLEU!

French

It is reported that some French people want to end the precedence of the masculine gender in French grammar.

In language, French, the gender male,
Is now seen as beyond the pale;
It gets undue importance when,
French people write their words with pen.

It’s been this way for many years,
Puts madames well behind monsieurs,
But inevitably today,
Some people must stand up and say,
That things that used to be OK,
No longer can be done that way.

These troublemakers, you might think,
Are just concerned with pen and ink,
And, probably, you would be right.
As they try to their language blight.

So they propose new words to use,
Despite the risk this may confuse,
For they add complication to,
What may be writ by me for you.

I’ll not seek to elaborate,
Because if I now try to state,
While sitting at my escritoire,
What all these proposed changes are,
You’ll possibly be overawed,
Or, on the other hand, just bored.

So let’s not get into a tizz,
It’s hard enough – French – as it is,
And if it is changed any more,
It might, for me, be the last straw!

So let’s continue as we were,
Refuse to these folk to defer;
We shouldn’t really get uptight,
But we are sure that we are right!

KITKAT ANYONE?

Kitkat

It is reported that the headmaster of a school in Mirfield, West Yorkshire wrote to all parents to ask their permission to give each child a KitKat to eat as part of a lesson in which they would write a step-by-step guide on how to eat a chocolate bar. To the presumed delight of the children, none withheld their permission.

A KitKat is a chocolate bar,
(My writing is so good so far)
It’s very small and wrapped up neat,
And people find it nice to eat.

But one schoolteacher had a plan,
To get the children, if he can,
To write a guide for all to use,
If they one day a KitKat choose.

And so that he would be PC,
He sent out letters – thirty-three –
To mums and dads whose kids they are,
Before each got a chocolate bar.

I expect parents were amused,
And one or two perhaps bemused,
To get a letter about this,
Which p’rhaps comes under their aegis.

But, anyway, they all said, ‘Yes’,
So no child was left in distress,
And mum’s permission paved the way,
For the great chocolate giveaway.

Next day the kids had to write down,
How to eat KitKats, coloured brown;
To this some gave a lot of thought,
While other methods were quite short!

THOU SHALT NOT COVET …

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It is reported that a YouGov poll has found that many people think that the first three of the Ten Commandments can be dispensed with. At your peril!

The Ten Commandments are well-known,
Since that day when, all carved in stone,
They came down from the mountain high,
And, in the story, carried by,
That man called Moses who, we think,
Was that day none the worse for drink.

He held them high, he read out loud,
The people watching him all bowed,
And by the time he got to ten,
The ones still listening to him then,
All threw their arms up and proclaimed,
They were relieved it hadn’t rained.

Since then they haven’t changed that much,
And some say they’re now out of touch;
With social things and modern strife,
Who thinks about the afterlife?

Most think that the first three should go,
So just in case you don’t them know,
They say you shan’t have other gods,
Must go to church in Sunday togs,
And with your language do take care,
Because you really mustn’t swear.

The rest, though, people say are fine,
Because you’ve got to draw the line,
And behave in a proper way,
So numbers four to ten can stay.

So don’t be rude to mum and dad,
To kill someone is plainly bad;
Adultery should still be banned,
And any burglars must be canned.

Then – nearly finished – do not lie,
And if you don’t have cash to buy,
Don’t covet neighbour’s goods or wife,
’Cos they got wed for all their life.

But there’s a loophole heretofore:
A neighbour means the wife next door;
So if you really want to cheat,
Pick someone in another street!

DOUBLE DUTCH

Beer 1

It is reported that when Dutch people speak in German their pronunciation improves after they have had a drink.

The Dutch can speak most any tongue,
And seldom do they get it wrong,
A demonstration, I would say,
Of their intelligence at play.

They learn to speak when very small,
In English, German, French and all,
And possibly, though none can tell,
They likely do some Dutch as well.

Pronunciation’s very good,
With syllables said as they should,
But German, which can give a fright,
May not be said exactly right.

The answer to this, they have found,
Is that the speaker buys a round,
And when the drink has been consumed,
Instead of speech then being doomed,
Pronunciation is enhanced,
With listeners everywhere entranced.

The Germans say they quite agree,
But do not know how it can be,
That drinking, which can slur your words,
Can improve speaking – it’s absurd.

The Dutch say, “Why, now, thanks a lot.
It is a secret we have got.
We have a drink, but not too much –
That’s why we call it Double Dutch!”