Conchita Wurst

It is reported that the Eurovision Song Contest has taken place in Kiev and the winner was … Portugal.

I’ve long been dreading yesterday,
’Cos I must think of things to say,
About the Euro Song Contest,
Which is abysmal at its best.

The music’s dire most will agree,
It doesn’t help that it’s all free,
But if we’re lucky p’rhaps one day,
They’ll show it where we have to pay.

And contestants can be so strange,
Especially viewed at close range,
And Conchita who once came first,
Was possibly one of the Wurst.

Statistics, as you’d guess, abound,
And some analysis has found,
That Ireland’s in fact won most times,
With the UK one place behind,
Failing to take the winner’s cup,
But fifteen times the runner up.

At risk you’ll think that I don’t care,
I think I will now finish there,
My piece today is pretty poor,
And surely you’re not wanting more.

Image – Albin Olsson License: CC BY-SA 3.0



It is reported that audiences at the Royal Opera House sometimes boo when they don’t like the performance and the new director has urged people to clap even if they don’t like what they have seen as a matter of politeness.

The Royal Opera House it seems,
Not always exceeds people’s dreams,
And some of them – we don’t know who –
Consider it’s all right to boo.

This does seem really rather rude,
Both pre and post the interlude,
And the new man in charge has asked,
People to think about the cast,
And be polite and only clap,
Including when they think it’s crap.

He says that folk should be polite,
And I suppose that he is right,
If they’re upset they can complain,
Or maybe just not go again.

Most people when they’re out at night,
Will do their best to be polite,
But there are some – just one or two –
Who will not be told what to do.

One such who’s always in the news,
And famously has a short fuse,
Is Donald Trump of whom you’ve heard,
And likely would find it absurd,
To clap when he thinks he should boo,
And maybe wants to throw things too.

But somehow I don’t think that he,
Much of a worry needs to be,
’Cos opera where folk dance and sing,
Is probably not quite his thing!

Image – Wikimedia commons



It is reported that the 2017 Oscars ceremony was messed up when the best picture award was wrongly awarded.

The Oscars generally are dull,
’Cos the event is always full,
Of people in expensive clothes,
Repeatedly then thanking those,
Who might perhaps have had a hand,
In some film made in La La Land.

It gets a mention, I should say,
In papers but for just a day,
But then that’s it, we hear no more,
Including of the clothes they wore.

But this time since it all went wrong,
They have made such a dance and song,
Effect of which this movie clique,
Has been kept in the news all week.

So although movie makers claim,
They’re angry with the ones to blame,
In secret they might rub their hands,
’Cos they’re not fools and understand,
That all publicity is good,
That they’ve now got more that they should,
And this will make for extra cash,
For films that aren’t completely trash.

So probably as they now plan,
For next year they’ll see what they can,
Make go wrong on purpose next time,
So more people will spend a dime.

Image – Flickr



It is reported that the award for best picture at the Oscars was made to the wrong film before the mistake was noticed and the correct award made.

The Oscars are the film awards,
For actors treading on the boards,
And every year they cheer and clap,
But this year got into a flap.

For last night there was a mistake,
A real live case of double take,
As Mrs Bonnie, Mr Clyde,
On stage there standing side by side,
Announced they had the outcome and,
This year’s best film was La La Land.

But part way through the second speech,
They were cut short and with a screech,
As one tall and bald-headed man,
Said one more film was better than,
The one that had just been announced,
Which had now been completely trounced.

This second announcement was right,
The gong went to the film Moonlight,
So all it’s actors came on stage,
And just like always took an age,
To thank their kids and nannies who,
Had somehow helped all this win through.

So that is it, a touch absurd,
That such confusion had occurred,
Next year if there’s the same mistake,
Then they should do another take.

Image – Flickr



It is reported that the final of Strictly Come Dancing has taken place, Ore Oduba and Joanne Clifton have won and head judge Len Goodman is retiring amid suggestions that he should receive a knighthood.

For weeks and months Strictly has been,
The darling of the TV screen,
But now the final’s been and gone,
With every score at least a one.

The scores last night were pretty high,
Numbers for which Ed Balls would die,
With lots of tens, the odd low nine,
For dances which did not quite chime.

They had to dance three times last night,
Three chances then to get steps right,
But also more chance they might fall,
And give away the glitterball.

But in the end one called Oré,
Came right out on top yesterday,
And it was truly magic for,
The man had never danced before.

So that’s it for another year,
But for Len Goodman, not yet Sir,
It is the last time he will be,
There judging with the other three.

For he has strictly now retired,
And people say he has inspired,
Along with others on the show,
More people to get up and go,
Wear fancy clothes and learn to dance,
And so their general health enhance.

That’s not to say all will succeed,
For some will have left feet indeed,
And if you can’t avoid the falls,
Then be inspired by Edward Balls,
Who showed us weekly as a rule,
The best known way to act the fool!

Image – Daily Express

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It is reported that Edinburgh City Council is examining the possibility of using silent fireworks at its Hogmanay celebrations.

The Scottish people you may know,
Are keen on new year’s eve and so,
When midnight on that day comes round,
They all of them feel duty bound,
To have a party with a band,
Which carries on while they can stand.

The bands in question may not be,
Quite our idea of harmony,
For ignoring complaints and gripes,
They serenade us with bagpipes.

I’ve heard them sometimes pretty loud,
And each time I have been avowed,
When they play in key E or F,
To pray that I might please go deaf.

But back now to the first of Jan,
They like to have then if they can,
Some fireworks that all bang and flash,
Which ’cos they’re pricey is quite rash.

Now any firework as you know,
Affects four of our senses so,
We see the light, we hear the sound,
We taste the smoke that floats around,
And finally there is the smell,
Which everybody gets as well.
But that is it, well pretty much,
’Cos we must not blue paper touch.

But in their capital that’s quaint,
It seems there has been some complaint,
From one who likes not any bang,
When he is singing the Auld Lang.

The City Council hearing this,
Should simply this complaint dismiss,
But they seem now resolved to find,
Fireworks of quite a different kind,
That make no noise when they are lit –
Just flash a bit and that is it.

But really they should look elsewhere,
For noise which might pollute the air,
For worse by far is any type,
Of Scotsman playing his bagpipe,
For when the pipes begin to wail,
It really is beyond the pale!

Image – Wikimedia commons

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WE 300 KINGS …


It is reported that the villagers of Calne in Wiltshire had over one thousand wise men in their Nativity play.

For round about two thousand years,
With plays by others and Shakespeare’s,
A favourite one will always to be,
The play of the Nativity.

The cast in general doesn’t change,
To do so would be rather strange,
There’s Mary, Joseph, Baby J,
And the innkeeper who says ‘Nae’.

Then we have shepherds with their sheep,
A lot of them ’cos they come cheap,
And finally, wise men there be,
Of whom the number’s always three.

They bring their presents – one – two – three,
As they go down on bended knee;
Some other number makes no sense,
With gold and myrrh and frankincense.

But this year down in Calne in Wilts.,
As well as angels up on stilts,
And where there should be just three kings,
They’ve got a thousand of the things.

The reason must be strange indeed,
It’s more than they will ever need,
And if they all should presents take,
It could turn out a big mistake,
For if they leave them in a heap,
They’ll find a pile more than knee-deep.

So hearing ’bout all these wise men,
Writ in the script by means of pen,
We asked them why in this year’s play,
They had so many on display.

At first they ventured no reply,
Which made us think they knew not why,
But then they said ’twas their intent,
To show they were intelligent.

Image – Wikimedia commons

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