BEST FRIENDS

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It is reported that Kim Jong-un is Donald Trump’s new best friend … but is this just because he makes the President look slim?

That Kim is fat is not in doubt,
In fact he’s more rotund than stout,
But Kim’s new friend he used to hate,
Is only slightly overweight.

Trump’s sensitive about his pounds,
Lest they should make him look too round;
He also frets about his height,
Which, if it is too low, just might,
Result in BMI increase,
And make the President obese.

So in his recent photocall,
Trump used some words addressed to all,
Suggesting they might both look thin,
On photographs of he and Kim.

Now this was devious – a con,
For while Trump can stand sideways on,
His friend of half a day can try,
But since his girth relates to pi,
Whichever way he turns around,
He still takes up the same foreground.

Kim Jong-un should be cross at this
Attempt by Trump to take the p*ss,
But though it is a real cheek,
Kim Jong-un does not English speak.

So maybe he was not aware,
Of talk about a tyre that’s spare,
Or Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee,
Unsure of which one he might be.

Image – Les Haines / Flickr

SINGAPORE SUMMIT

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It is reported that Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un have met in Singapore and signed a vague statement of intent not to bomb each other. Kim seems to be Trump’s new best friend

I s’pose I have to write today,
About what the news programmes say,
Which is that Trump and Kim have met,
With outcome quite unknown as yet.

A document was duly signed,
Assuming others wouldn’t mind,
Ending his army’s exercise,
Which some have said was not so wise.

And Trump went further, saying that,
His new friend, who is rather fat,
Is really such a lovely man,
And so he’s now his biggest fan.

But one thing he would not address,
Was Kim’s fantastic great success,
In killing North Koreans who,
He simply takes exception to.

Like labour camp folk who are thin,
Or sometimes relatives of him,
And yesterday Trump seemed to say,
That all of this was quite OK.

Now I suppose it isn’t odd,
Some president or other bod,
Might have to deal with others who,
Do bad things no-one else would do.

But generally they don’t extol,
The ‘virtues’ of them on the whole,
And even if they’ve got great strength,
They try to keep them at arm’s length.

But Trump is different as you’ve seen,
Is always wont to vent his spleen,
And when he does so he reveals,
Perhaps just how he really feels.

Then, finally, just yesterday,
He said that people might well pay,
To stay in condos on the beach,
And so the USA could teach,
Kim and his people what to do,
So lots would come including you.

There is a problem, though, but slight,
For his new best friend, Kim, just might,
Have need to promise in a speech,
To not fire missiles on the beach!

Image – DonkeyHotey / Flickr

PARDON ME

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It is reported that Donald Trump and his lawyer Rudi Giuliani are claiming that the President can pardon himself for any crime since he is the country’s Chief Law Officer; but the President says he will not use the power because he has done nothing wrong. Others may disagree on one or both points.

“I am boss of the USA,
And so with confidence I say,
I can commit most any crime,
And even do it all the time.

Then if those goons, the FBI,
Have some ambition then to try,
Investigating crimes of mine,
It will all be a waste of time.

For legal counsel has decreed,
That any time that I might need,
A pardon for what I have done,
And even if I’m on the run,
I really need to do no more,
Than pull up at a general store,
And on some paper that I’ve bought,
I simply then write out what sort,
Of crime it is for which I need,
A pardon and at breakneck speed.

And there it is, it’s all complete,
The process can be pretty neat,
And then the judges and the spies,
Can go find someone else to try.

Some say that it’s beyond the pale,
And I should really go to jail,
But when I’ve paid the lawyer’s fee,
I can say that I disagree;
It is much better to be free –
Except for crooked Hillary!”

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

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It is reported that Russian TV has Photoshopped a smile onto Kim Jong-un’s frowning face in a recent photograph of him with Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov. Can you not trust anybody these days?

If you watch Kim for quite a while,
It’s likely you’ll not see him smile;
He’s often looking pretty grim,
A trademark of this leader, Kim.

It matches up, so some might say,
With life that’s lived from day to day,
By people in the hermit state,
Or some of them at any rate.

But now a problem has occurred,
For when the Russian TV heard,
That one photo with Lavrov S,
Might cause the Kremlin some distress,
They thought to please those at the top,
By dint of a quick Photoshop.

So Kim’s lips were turned upside down,
Which made a smile from just a frown;
And though it doesn’t look quite right,
Because his mouth is rather tight,
The rather odd smile now of Kim,
Could all be put down just to him;
Not Russia getting up his nose,
Just a non-photogenic pose.

You might like it, though not a lot,
As Kim and Lavrov hatch a plot,
Ahead of Kim’s meeting and more,
With Donald Trump in Singapore.

What this might be we’ll have to wait,
Until these two odd heads of state,
Have met then maybe we will tell,
If Trump gets Photoshopped as well.

HARD UP NORTH KOREA

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It is reported that the North Koreans don’t want to pay for their hotel which will cost up to £4500 per room per night during their meetings with President Trump in Singapore.

The meeting has been off then on,
But now the North Korean won,
Is not so strong as heretofore,
Because the country’s really poor.

So choosing Singapore to meet,
Is now not looking quite so neat,
Because hotel rooms cost a bomb,
And can’t be paid in NK won.

So everyone shuffles their feet,
And hopes that someone else will meet,
The bill for Kim’s palatial suite,
And all the cheese that he can eat.

So this is now Kim’s first demand,
Before discussing what is banned,
And he’ll insist someone should pay,
Or else he’ll take his ball away.

So who should pay? Not Donald Trump;
For things like this he will not stump.
But he suggests that Singapore,
Should really pay just that bit more.

And while they’re at it, maybe they,
Would also for the US pay,
And if to this they will say ‘Yes’,
He will declare a great success!

FANCY THAT

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It is reported that the previously announced (on Twitter) meeting between Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un in Singapore has been cancelled and then – possibly – uncancelled.

This meeting was first on then off;
Perhaps someone had got a cough,
Or maybe some sort of a pain,
For now it might be on again.

One knows not whom one should believe,
Or if they might try to deceive,
But to give them what is their due,
They also might not have a clue.

The upshot is I do not know,
And nor does anyone and so,
Although the bookings have been made,
Including food and lemonade,
It really should not be assumed,
That all of it will be consumed.

This poem, I must now confess,
Is really pretty meaningless,
And so I will now end my rhyme,
So not to waste more of your time.

Before that, though, a small excuse,
Though it may be of little use,
Which is: compared to this, my verse,
The meetings likely would be worse.

KIM JONG-BOOM

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It is reported that North Korea has promised to blow up its nuclear test tunnels with journalists watching (from a distance) but Chinese scientists say this is all a trick.

Surprisingly, as we have heard,
Kim Jong-un has given his word,
That test tunnels he will destroy,
But others say it’s just a ploy.

A ploy for what, we are not sure,
It seems he’ll then have tunnels fewer,
But whether said in prose or rhyme,
He might be playing for more time.

More time for what, we do not know,
For weapons progress can be slow,
But maybe he needs to back-track,
Because his mountain has a crack.

Perhaps it can’t be used again,
Which, for him, would be quite a shame,
And so he just wants to pretend,
He’s bringing testing to an end.

So he’ll fill them with dynamite,
And blow them up at dead of night,
Then while he’s safe down in Pyongyang,
The journalists will hear the bang.

But wait, it now occurs to me,
That these explosions we might see,
Will be quite small though with aplomb,
Compared with any atom bomb.

And since the tunnels were designed,
To withstand atom bombs you’ll find,
However hard you try, you might,
Not shift them all with dynamite!