SACRE BLEU!

SONY DSC

It is reported that McDonald’s is planning to provide cutlery in its French restaurants.

McDonald’s is a household name,
And it has risen to great fame,
By selling hamburgers and chips,
And not expecting any tips.

No tips because in every land,
You eat your burger with your hand,
And it can make a dreadful mess,
As Miliband, Ed, would confess.

But in France as a general rule,
To eat with fingers is not cool,
And McD thinks it will lose trade,
Unless there is a fork and blade.

So now across the board in France,
McDonald’s will give you the chance,
To eat there with a fork and knife,
That’s you, the kids, so too the wife.

But if you want to do beware,
’Cos of what’s on the menu there,
It’s only top-price meals apply,
And for the irons qualify.

Then when it comes don’t get upset,
Because I haven’t told you yet,
That though the knives and forks are free,
It’s likely they will plastic be!

DON’T SPEAK LIKE THAT!

Istanbul_Atatürk_Olympic_Stadium_2

It is reported that Turkish President Erdogan has decreed that sporting venues should be called ‘stadiums’ and not ‘arenas’ because the latter is ‘un-Turkish’.

“Good evening and here is the news,
Complete with presidential views,
And so we now have things to say,
Which will affect you from today.

Your president is on the ball,
He doesn’t plan to build a wall,
But he’ll decree the words you say,
When watching games home or away.

The word ‘arena’ is now banned,
The length and breadth of our fair land,
So when you watch please park your bums,
Instead in our great stadiums.

The reason is in Roman times,
Arenas were the scenes of crimes,
As gladiators had to fight,
On Saturday and Sunday night.

Now things like that have gone away,
’Cos we’re more civilised today,
And though the past we can’t excuse,
We can select the words we use.”

But maybe someone with some clout,
To Erdogan might just point out,
The plural’s unfamiliar:
Not ‘stadiums’ but ‘stadia’!

REALLY BAD OR REALLY GOOD?

Car_tailpipe_2

It is reported that Donald Trump has told Angela Merkel that the Germans are ‘really bad’ for exporting millions of cars to the USA. Really bad. And the emissions test cheating saga rumbles on.

Now Donald Trump just loves to tweet,
They are so short he thinks they’re neat,
And are for any short confab,
Just perfect for his small vocab.

So just this week he was quite terse,
With just a few words, not in verse,
When he said Germany was bad,
Because he’d now found out it had,
Been exporting too many cars,
Some of which had three-pointed stars.

“This will not do!” he said today,
“From this point on you’ll have to pay
A higher rate of import tax,
Because we have been far too lax.”

The Germans said, “We are not fools.
To do that is against the rules.

You say that we are ‘really bad’,
Because of the success we’ve had.
But you have got it all to cock,
And this may now come as a shock:
Your folk have not misunderstood,
And think our cars are ‘really good’.

So ‘good’, not ‘bad’, you ought to say,
If you should tweet your words today,
Our cars are really quite the best,
Apart from the emissions test.”

Image – De Facto / Wikimedia commons

TRUMP MEETS HIS HOLINESS THE MOPE

Trump and Pope

It is reported that at his meeting with Pope Francis Donald Trump was all smiles but the Pope did not smile and stared at his feet. The two have clashed previously on the Mexican wall and climate change.

The President has been all smiles,
The best he’s ever looked by miles,
For when he met the Pope that day,
He looked so happy and so gay.

Pope Francis, though, looked at the floor,
’Cos maybe he’d failed to implore,
The Donald not to build his wall,
Or at least not build it so tall.

“You should build bridges there instead,”
Is what the Pope’s thought to have said,
“Inviting migrants is the key,
If you want to a Christian be.”

And then to rub it in some more,
He told him that guy called Al Gore,
Had got it right on climate change;
And after just a brief exchange,
The Pope gave Trump a paper which,
Supports the global warming pitch.

We don’t know what the Donald said,
But like as not the Pope saw red,
And since he doesn’t like to tweet,
He stood there staring at his feet.

Of his displeasure it’s a sign,
More subtle than a cat-o-nine,
Or torture as there used to be,
Back in the fifteenth century.

So Trump had better watch his step,
For this Pope Francis is the rep,
Of the Almighty here on earth,
And with the President’s large girth,
The Pope could organise a hack,
Or possibly a heart attack!

Image – DonkeyHotey / Flickr

DONALD DUCK

Donald Duck Figurine Detail

It is reported that as more Russian revelations emerge, Donald Trump is angry and frustrated about his continual bad press and is blaming his White House staff who fear they will be made scapegoats.

Now Donald’s had a dreadful week,
Bad headlines with leak after leak,
The latest of which seems to be,
Concerning Russia and that he,
Or his men had engaged in crimes,
Emailing Russians eighteen times.

Of course all this will be denied,
And scorn poured on the ones who spied,
But if the Trumps indeed did sin,
The net may soon be closing in.

Trump says the answer’s ‘No’ not ‘Yes’,
That this is simply all bad press,
And it’s his staff that are to blame,
Because they’re no good at their game.

So staff expect more heads will roll,
US, Hispanic, even Pole,
As Donald goes for counterclaim,
And looks for someone else to blame.

Then when the mud* should hit the fan,
And go which every way it can,
He will not stand to have a look –
Instead the President will Duck.

But Donald who Tweets, ‘SO UNFAIR!’,
While trying to look debonair,
Should not assume we are all thick,
’Cos in the end the mud will stick.

Although if he on every day,
Chose carefully the words to say,
He might, just might, avoid the muck –
And we could call him Donald Duck!

* An alternative spelling is available

Image – Tony Takitani / Flickr

RUSSIAN MENACE?

Putin cartoon

It is reported that Donald Trump allegedly asked James Comey, Director of the FBI, to drop the investigation into alleged links between his associates and the Russians.

This story has been on the go,
A little while now as you know,
But I’ve not been sure what to say,
Because the facts change every day.

The Russian rumours are quite old,
But then just last week we were told,
That Comey of the FBI,
Was told ’twas time to say ‘Goodbye’.

With reasons I will not you bore,
You’ve likely heard them all before,
And anyway, the reasons picked,
Seem to each other contradict.

Trump makes a statement of intent,
His gofers then try to invent,
Some rationale that sounds OK,
And then compose some words to say.

So far so good but not for long,
For very soon it all goes wrong,
As Donald on his Twitter feed,
Contradicts it all at breakneck speed.

And if that wasn’t bad enough,
There’s still more to this Russian stuff,
And it seems likely more will leak,
More frequently than once a week.

So I will soon have more to say,
It will make sense, I hope and pray,
But maybe that’s an order tall,
With Donald Trump behind it all.

FROTTER LEUR NEZ DEDANS

May 09 Macron

It is reported that Emmanuel Macron, the new French President elect, entered his first speech engagement to the music of Ode to Joy, the anthem of the European Union, rather than La Marseillaise as might have been expected.

Macron’s just beaten Ms Le Pen,
The leader of right-wing FN,
Which said it would stand up for the,
Country against the EEC.

Most people were quite keen on this,
Have tendencies quite nationalist,
And would have voted for Le Pen,
If she’d not been in the FN,
With all it’s dark unpleasant past,
At which they mostly were aghast.

They voted therefore for Macron,
So the conclusion was foregone,
He certainly was not a slob,
But just the best of a bad job.

One might have thought then when he won,
The first thing that he might have done,
Would be to show that he was smart,
And had the people’s France at heart.

But no! As he made to address,
His first meeting you’d never guess,
The music played was Ode to Joy,
Quite likely therefore to annoy,
Those folk not wanting to stargaze,
And who preferred La Marseillaise.

So this was Macron’s first mistake,
For though he did the most votes take,
They only voted for him then,
Because they didn’t like FN.

So now he really must take care,
With demonstrations in the air,
He should be careful how he goes,
And not to get up people’s nose!

Ecole Polytechnique Université / Flickr