POSTMAN PAT

Postman Pat

It is reported that Royal Mail has banned the flying of England flags on their vans during the World Cup.

The World Cup is now under way,
So there might be a lot to say,
About the games, who scores the most,
And also ’bout the Russian host.

For politics comes on the scene,
And though I don’t like to be mean,
One must refer to just a few
Things that the Russians like to do.

You will know of all these, of course:
Invading countries, small, by force,
Nerve agent to infect a man,
And hacking everything they can.

But what of dear old Postman Pat,
I haven’t said too much of that,
But as he drives along the street,
With all his addressees to meet,
He’s wondering now if he can,
Fly England’s flag upon his van.

He puts one up, it flies so high,
That Mrs Potts says, “My oh my!”
But Pat’s boss at the GPO,
Says, “Oh my gosh, it’s no, no, no!

We can’t fly flags from our red vans,
It’s one of our long-standing bans;
The reason is, you have to see,
A problem with H S and E.

The safety problem’s always there,
Just like your wheels which have a spare,
And so your big red and white flag,
Will have to stay packed in its bag.”

Pat said, “Well, now, that is a shame,
I’d hoped we’d do well in the game,
And that the flag I’m flying high,
Might Mr Putin terrify.”

CYBERLIGHTS

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It is reported that Russia may be able to hack Britain’s traffic lights and cause chaos on the roads. Have they no ambition? They could try something a bit more challenging!

Remember traffic lights on red,
Mean do not go or you’ll be dead,
Whereas if they have turned to green,
Proceed with caution’s what they mean,

That’s just the basic kind of light,
Which isn’t really all that bright,
But some exponents of the art,
Are frequently described as smart.

These smart lights are quite good, all told,
And by some centre are controlled,
So that they change throughout the day,
In order then to speed your way.

A problem, though, has come to light,
For when he’s spoiling for a fight,
The Russian leader might decide,
To try to make our cars collide.

It’s pretty simple, it would seem:
The lights would all be turned to green,
And then a lot would likely crash,
And be turned into so much trash.

It’s like a version of fake news,
Designed to normal folk confuse,
With red and green, I think you’ll find,
A sort of extreme colourblind.

Then on TV in Russian bars,
They could all watch these dodgem cars,
Because to keep his fans on track,
He also might the cameras hack.

BEST FRIENDS

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It is reported that Kim Jong-un is Donald Trump’s new best friend … but is this just because he makes the President look slim?

That Kim is fat is not in doubt,
In fact he’s more rotund than stout,
But Kim’s new friend he used to hate,
Is only slightly overweight.

Trump’s sensitive about his pounds,
Lest they should make him look too round;
He also frets about his height,
Which, if it is too low, just might,
Result in BMI increase,
And make the President obese.

So in his recent photocall,
Trump used some words addressed to all,
Suggesting they might both look thin,
On photographs of he and Kim.

Now this was devious – a con,
For while Trump can stand sideways on,
His friend of half a day can try,
But since his girth relates to pi,
Whichever way he turns around,
He still takes up the same foreground.

Kim Jong-un should be cross at this
Attempt by Trump to take the p*ss,
But though it is a real cheek,
Kim Jong-un does not English speak.

So maybe he was not aware,
Of talk about a tyre that’s spare,
Or Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee,
Unsure of which one he might be.

Image – Les Haines / Flickr

SINGAPORE SUMMIT

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It is reported that Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un have met in Singapore and signed a vague statement of intent not to bomb each other. Kim seems to be Trump’s new best friend

I s’pose I have to write today,
About what the news programmes say,
Which is that Trump and Kim have met,
With outcome quite unknown as yet.

A document was duly signed,
Assuming others wouldn’t mind,
Ending his army’s exercise,
Which some have said was not so wise.

And Trump went further, saying that,
His new friend, who is rather fat,
Is really such a lovely man,
And so he’s now his biggest fan.

But one thing he would not address,
Was Kim’s fantastic great success,
In killing North Koreans who,
He simply takes exception to.

Like labour camp folk who are thin,
Or sometimes relatives of him,
And yesterday Trump seemed to say,
That all of this was quite OK.

Now I suppose it isn’t odd,
Some president or other bod,
Might have to deal with others who,
Do bad things no-one else would do.

But generally they don’t extol,
The ‘virtues’ of them on the whole,
And even if they’ve got great strength,
They try to keep them at arm’s length.

But Trump is different as you’ve seen,
Is always wont to vent his spleen,
And when he does so he reveals,
Perhaps just how he really feels.

Then, finally, just yesterday,
He said that people might well pay,
To stay in condos on the beach,
And so the USA could teach,
Kim and his people what to do,
So lots would come including you.

There is a problem, though, but slight,
For his new best friend, Kim, just might,
Have need to promise in a speech,
To not fire missiles on the beach!

Image – DonkeyHotey / Flickr

UNDERMINING DEMOCRACY

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It is reported that Donald Tusk, President of the European Council, possibly in connection with Donald Trump’s call for Russia to be readmitted to the G7 group of industrialised nations, has said that Donald Trump is ‘playing into the hands’ of those who want to undermine democracy.

Now Donald Tusk’s a kindly sort,
But when his namesake said they ought,
To admit Russia once again,
He said that he should use his brain,
And make Putin now bide his time,
Because he tries to undermine,
Democracy here in the West,
And can, therefore, be quite a pest.

All the above is likely true,
But one thing should be plain to you,
Which is that he and the EU,
Are undermining it all too.

For in Brexit the EU still,
Determined to defeat the will,
Of British people to secede,
Refuses to their voices heed.

It’s done this several times before,
Insisting voters vote some more,
Until people – that’s me and you –
Vote as we’re told by the EU.

It’s not just Brexit, though, because,
When Italy in turmoil was,
The EU told them that they can,
Not have a eurosceptic man,
Or woman as their next PM,
So they would have to choose again.

And then, of course, remember Greece?
The EU was intent to fleece,
The country for all that it had,
Which really was so very bad,
When Greeks had voted to be free,
In the home of democracy.

While former votes, French, Irish, Dutch,
Did not, in fact, amount to much,
As all were told to go away,
And vote again another day.

But the EU should just beware:
It hasn’t been elected there,
And dictatorial regimes,
Oppressing people, so it seems,
And stopping those that want to leave,
Should know such people are aggrieved.

And history tells regimes like this,
All, in due time, find they’re dismissed,
Except ones which their people shoot,
To make sure more don’t follow suit.

I’m not suggesting that they would,
Shoot citizens and spill their blood,
So history teaches that, perhaps,
The EU will, one day, collapse.

On that day many will rejoice,
Regain their democratic voice,
But what the future might then be,
We will just have to wait and see

PARDON ME

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It is reported that Donald Trump and his lawyer Rudi Giuliani are claiming that the President can pardon himself for any crime since he is the country’s Chief Law Officer; but the President says he will not use the power because he has done nothing wrong. Others may disagree on one or both points.

“I am boss of the USA,
And so with confidence I say,
I can commit most any crime,
And even do it all the time.

Then if those goons, the FBI,
Have some ambition then to try,
Investigating crimes of mine,
It will all be a waste of time.

For legal counsel has decreed,
That any time that I might need,
A pardon for what I have done,
And even if I’m on the run,
I really need to do no more,
Than pull up at a general store,
And on some paper that I’ve bought,
I simply then write out what sort,
Of crime it is for which I need,
A pardon and at breakneck speed.

And there it is, it’s all complete,
The process can be pretty neat,
And then the judges and the spies,
Can go find someone else to try.

Some say that it’s beyond the pale,
And I should really go to jail,
But when I’ve paid the lawyer’s fee,
I can say that I disagree;
It is much better to be free –
Except for crooked Hillary!”

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

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It is reported that Russian TV has Photoshopped a smile onto Kim Jong-un’s frowning face in a recent photograph of him with Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov. Can you not trust anybody these days?

If you watch Kim for quite a while,
It’s likely you’ll not see him smile;
He’s often looking pretty grim,
A trademark of this leader, Kim.

It matches up, so some might say,
With life that’s lived from day to day,
By people in the hermit state,
Or some of them at any rate.

But now a problem has occurred,
For when the Russian TV heard,
That one photo with Lavrov S,
Might cause the Kremlin some distress,
They thought to please those at the top,
By dint of a quick Photoshop.

So Kim’s lips were turned upside down,
Which made a smile from just a frown;
And though it doesn’t look quite right,
Because his mouth is rather tight,
The rather odd smile now of Kim,
Could all be put down just to him;
Not Russia getting up his nose,
Just a non-photogenic pose.

You might like it, though not a lot,
As Kim and Lavrov hatch a plot,
Ahead of Kim’s meeting and more,
With Donald Trump in Singapore.

What this might be we’ll have to wait,
Until these two odd heads of state,
Have met then maybe we will tell,
If Trump gets Photoshopped as well.