… IN THE FOOT

Hi viz vests

It is reported that the French Government has given in to the yellow vest protesters and promised to delay the planned tax increase on fuel for six months.

So Macron has now given in,
Which last week he said was a sin,
And so now with his tax delay,
The people will not have to pay,
The higher price for diesel fuel,
Which makes their cars go as a rule.

The gilet jaunes say, “Thanks a lot.
It means the money we have got,
Will now go further than before,
So, for the moment, nous t’adore.

But this is only for a while,
And Macron likely wears a smile,
Because he thinks in six months time,
He will have had months free of crime.

But, in fact, we all know the drill:
We will be demonstrating still,
With throwing bricks and torching cars,
And smashing windows in the bars.

But torching cars does, as a rule,
Involve the use of diesel fuel,
And until now we had concern,
The diesel we would have to burn,
Would likely be – how do you say? –,
More than we could afford to pay.

So Macron’s very kind response,
Which he announced not twice, but once,
Means we can buy the fuel we need,
To carry on with our misdeeds.

So Macron’s plan has now backfired,
The outcome’s not what he desired,
For the effect of this delay,
Is we don’t have so much to pay,
So can continue our protests,
Dressed in our trademark yellow vests!”

MAY DAY, MAY DAY

gin-461871_960_720

It is reported that Theresa May has lost control of everything in the whole wide world.

So what to make of Mrs May?
It seems, at last, she’s lost her way,
With enemies and more than most,
Expecting she will soon be toast.

That’s not the toast with glass and wine,
Though such a one would be just fine,
It is the one she ought to dread –
I mean the one with half burnt bread.

She’s lost control but carries on,
Insisting that her duty’s done,
And she to no-one else defers –
The only option now is hers.

One must admire her steely grit,
And motto: ‘Just get on with it’;
A lesser person might have tried,
But with the stress not have survived.

The problem is most don’t agree,
Including, this occasion, me;
To be pragmatic can seem strong,
But not if you’re completely wrong.

How this will end, nobody knows,
Depends, p’rhaps, if she stays or goes,
But when somebody else steps in,
I’d recommend a large, stiff gin!

… THEN LET THEM USE PETROL

Marie Antoinette

It is reported that thousands of people wearing yellow vests (Health and Safety, you know) are protesting, some violently, against French President Macron’s decision to increase the price of diesel fuel. “Sir, they have no diesel.” “Then let them use petrol.”

Macron looks like a wonder kid,
Though it’s not clear just what he did,
To get elected – year ago –
But someone, somewhere ought to know.

But like the chiefs who went before,
A shock has always been in store,
For now – if you look you can see –
He’s lost his popularity.

That was before events last week,
When Frenchmen in a fit of pique,
All donned their yellow vests and then,
Set off to protest once again.

The thing that kicked these protests off,
Was people had all had enough,
Of Macron and his diesel hike,
Intended to promote the bike.

“We will not stand this any more,
So heed as we say Zut alors!
It’s fine for you, you are so posh,
But this rise hits us dans la poche.

There’ve been protests like this before,
Which ended up in blood and gore,
But that was seventeen seventy-five,
And back then people couldn’t drive.

Then it concerned the price of bread,
Required by most that are not dead,
But there are parallels today,
If you will treat us in this way.

We mean that Marie Antoinette,
Who said, “If they’ve no bread then let,
Them eat brioche – a type of cake –
Then they will no more trouble make.”

The rest you know, she lost her head,
And ever since that day’s been dead,
And if she could look back I bet,
Those famous words she would regret.

So now here is some good advice:
We can’t afford the diesel price,
That is because it’s now sky-high …
But don’t tell us to petrol buy!”

MAKE AMERICA RAKE AGAIN

Rake forest 1922 date

It is reported that Donald Trump says that the President of Finland told him that they avoid forest fires by doing a lot of raking. The Finnish President says they never discussed this. Perhaps Trump wants to Rake America Great Again! Or is it just Rake News?

Now Donald Trump is never shy,
But often will not explain why,
He says the things he likes to spout,
In case, perhaps, he gets caught out.

And so it was the other day,
He claimed some guy to him did say,
That Finns maintain their forests green,
By raking up on which they’re keen.

The guy in question, in fact, was,
The Finnish President because,
The two had met the other day,
But some translation lost its way.

“We didn’t talk for very long,”
Said he in local Finnish tongue,
“And any talk of how to rake,
Is probably just news that’s fake.”

But Donald Trump was undeterred,
“There is no doubt what I have heard;
I really haven’t crossed my wires,
It’s why Finns don’t have forest fires!”

But common sense says he was wrong,
For it emerged before too long,
That in Finland a cold wind blows,
And when not raining then it snows.

So could it be that that is why,
The forests there don’t often fry?
And he is wrong, the one called Trump,
A bit like our friend Forrest Gump?

SCUMBAG SQUARE

Kremlin great-kremlin-palace-179284_960_720

It is reported that the Russians have named a windswept intersection in Moscow Kim Philby Square after the British spy who worked for the Kremlin. Mr Putin recently called spies who betrayed their countries scumbags.

Kim Philby spied for Russia and,
Eventually fled to that land,
Where he then spent his final days,
As they put him out there to graze.

But now that Philby is quite dead,
The leaders who that country led,
Have now decided, so it seems,
To honour Philby with a scheme.

A square in Moscow will be called,
Kim Philby Square – don’t be appalled,
For it’s not really one of note,
And if you go do take a coat.

It hosts a junction on the road,
Is not exactly à la mode,
And for some reasons, just a pair,
Perhaps it should be Scumbag Square!

FISHING CHIPS

Microchips electronic-devices-514178_960_720

It is reported that Chinese manufacturers, under the direction of the People’s Liberation Army (PLA), have been putting ‘spy chips’ and chips that can be controlled remotely by the Chinese in electronics hardware produced in China and used in Western systems including infrastructure and military systems.

The Chinese have a smiling face,
They’re happy with their current place,
As maker of the hardware which,
Most often works without a hitch.

It’s mostly chips, they make them cheap,
So prices are not all that steep,
And people buy without a care,
To use them almost everywhere.

So far, so good, but it’s been found,
By people working on the ground,
That spy chips have been put into,
The things that work for me and you.

Signs of this have been seen before,
But it was easy to ignore,
These chips that can be hard to trace,
Behind the smiling Chinese face.

But as things go to worse from bad,
Some countries think they better had,
Now ban the use of Chinese chips,
Until with this they’ve got to grips.

Then after that? We’ll have to see,
What the long-term outcome will be;
It will on several things depend,
Like how the Chinese make amends.

Right now they won’t admit that they,
Would ever act in such a way,
But since these chips can’t be removed,
Their actions should quite soon be proved.

Excuses will come thick and fast,
The next quite different from the last,
But they’d look stupid if they took,
Examples from the Russian book!

So in the meantime what to do?
We can’t not use them, that is true;
Perhaps it’s best, despite the cost,
To simply keep our fingers crossed!

SPIES, SPIES AND MORE SPIES

Spies 22762260847_a90227cf47_b

It is reported that half of the 150,000 Russians living in London are believed to be acting as informants to the Russian state (spies).

A government likes to be wise,
So some of them have lots of spies,
To find out all they want to know,
Especially if they’re a foe.

So it’s expected that they will,
Have people who this task fulfil,
In countries all around the globe,
Where they can look around and probe,
The secrets of the local place,
Without too great a loss of face.

But now you won’t believe your eyes,
When you read here how many spies,
The Russians have in London where,
There’s quite a lot and some to spare.

In thousands it’s seventy-five,
Not counting children or their wives,
And that’s a half of Russians here –
The other half are drunk on beer.

The purpose of all this is plain:
If there should be a war again,
The more info that they possess,
Will help them win it, more or less.

So in response, then, what to do,
Our own agents are likely few,
And though we can’t afford the same,
We really need to up our game.

Well, that’s a job for MI6,
Who doubtless have a box of tricks,
Or possibly it’s MI5,
Who, since they’re clever, might contrive,
To hit back at the Russian state,
By which I mean retaliate.

But all of this is secret so,
We really cannot further go;
To do so would be most unwise,
For it would help the Russian spies.

So should all these spies be kicked out,
Even those who the law don’t flout?
Or should we kindly let them stay,
And fight back in some other way?

BagoGames / Creative commons