CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED

christmas-tree-cartoon

It is reported that Bradford City Council has banned the putting up of Christmas decorations in its offices so as to avoid the cost of repairing drawing pin holes etc.

“This Christmas thing that comes around,
Can cause some problems we have found,
It’s gone down badly in the past,
So this year we are acting fast.

We’re issuing this pocket guide,
Which you should all keep by your side;
The points within it are quite few,
And will tell you what not to do.

So where to start? Now let us see,
If you have brought to work a tree,
Don’t stand it up or plug it in,
For it must go straight in the bin.

For Christmas trees can catch alight,
In which case there’s a chance they might,
Make quite a lot of smoke and smell,
And burn the office down as well.

Next up is holly, thin or thick,
Which can give you a nasty prick,
So with such branches act in haste,
And put them in the garden waste.

And then there’s stars and things you pin,
Upon the walls when you get in;
The stars themselves don’t cause distress,
But drawing pins can make a mess.

And finally we have balloons,
So oft the cause of misfortunes,
For they around the office hang,
Until one day they all go ‘Bang!’

This can give folk a dreadful fright,
And it could even start a fight,
For some folk might think it could be,
Perhaps the start of World War Three.”

Image – pixabay

Find all Ebenezer Bean’s books on Amazon.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Ddigital-text&field-keywords=ebenezer+bean&rh=n%3A341677031%2Ck%3Aebenezer+bean

WALL CLIMB DOWN

great-wall-of-china

It is reported that Donald Trump is softening on his promise to build a wall along the Mexican border.

“When I was looking for your vote,
One thing I often said and wrote,
Was that I planned to build a wall,
And that it would be pretty tall.

This really is still my intent,
As long as there’s enough cement,
But if there isn’t don’t despair,
A wall is mostly in the air,
So some parts might just be a fence,
Suggested by my mate Mike Pence.

The fence will also be quite high,
Protruding up into the sky,
And if some bits are on a hill,
It likely would go higher still.

Where there are hills costs could reduce,
’Cos fences made of wire or spruce,
Might be dispensed with in some way,
So that there will be less to pay.

And lastly, as to who will build
The wall for this will need unskilled
Workers who work hard every day,
And do it all for little pay.

Historical analysis,
Of major projects just like this,
Shows migrants always get these jobs,
Not more expensive local yobs.

So we can have one final twist,
Because I think we would insist,
Migrants we would take on and pay,
While they are in the USA.

Then when, at last, the job is done,
We would just sack them every one,
And as a very general guide,
We’d do it on the other side.

So this kills two birds with one stone –
As well as cheap they’ve gone back home!”

Image – flickr

Find all Ebenezer Bean’s books on Amazon.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Ddigital-text&field-keywords=ebenezer+bean&rh=n%3A341677031%2Ck%3Aebenezer+bean

EBENEZER BEAN

Ebenezer Bean 1

I am Ebenezer Bean.  I write a daily blog based on one of the news stories in the day’s papers.  It’s in verse and is supposed to be funny.

I have written thirteen books, listed below and all available in paperback and Kindle versions on Amazon.  Just search for Ebenezer Bean or use the link below and ignore the general of the same name in the American Civil War who is no longer alive.  Happy reading.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Ddigital-text&field-keywords=ebenezer+bean&rh=n%3A341677031%2Ck%3Aebenezer+bean

HILARIOUS HISTORY  Two thousand years of English history from the Romans to the Victorians told in verse in five volumes.  Comprehensive, accurate and hilariously funny – but not necessarily in that order.

FIRST SEPTEMBER  A gripping terrorist novel set in the aftermath of the bombing of PanAm Flight 103 over Lockerbie.

THE LONG SPOON  A fictional political thriller telling the ‘inside story’ of the Irish Peace Process.

REBEL RHYMES  Twenty famous fairy stories told in hilarious verse.  Much funnier than the originals.

CRUNCH!  Over thirty sketches of political foolery and other important matters of the day for politicians and other nuisances.  Witty and amusing although some of the politicians may not agree.

OUCH!  Lessons from history for politicians who think they know best.

RANDOM WRITINGS  Witty commentary on the important matters of the day including the Credit Crunch.  Plus a collection of general ramblings about all sorts of things including some jokes and a puzzle.

RANDOM WRITINGS  (ZigZag SpeeedRead Edition)  The witty commentary of Random Writings (Second Edition) set in ZigZag SpeeedRead for faaaster reading and extra value.  The world’s first ZigZag SpeeedRead paperback.

RHYME AND PREJUDICE  Jane Austen’s famous classic novel re-written in verse.  Accurate and faithful to the original but absolutely hilarious.  Written and published during the novel’s bicentenary year for added authenticity.  Expect to see it mentioned on the next ten pound note!

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE  So similar to the above as to be indistinguishable.  Search for either but don’t buy both to avoid disappointment.

Note:
Bean’s Blogs is light-hearted re-reporting of news items of the day for amusement only. On occasions this involves mild exaggeration and choices of words which are humorous and can also be made to rhyme and scan. This should be obvious in the context of the verses. While every care is taken to avoid any inaccuracies or incorrect assertions to which individuals referred to may take exception, should these occur we will be happy to make corrections. Happy reading.