It is reported that Jacob Rees-Mogg, the new Leader of the House of Commons, has issued his staff with a style guide to ensure that they stick to the correct writing rules and express themselves most correctly. I continue to write now with trepidation.
“This booklet which I give today,
Will be your guide in what to say,
And, more important, what you write,
So use it morning, noon and night.
It tells you how you should address,
A person, not to cause distress,
And you will find, should you enquire,
Untitled males are called esquire.
Of course that might perhaps just seem,
A touch pedantic or extreme,
But it is easier for you –
Just shorten it to E s q.
In other titles: Mrs, Miss,
The trailing dot should be dismissed,
The same for Ms though I don’t know,
Why out of use we don’t this throw.
A body corporate should be,
The singular you will agree,
And after full stops don’t forget,
Two spaces you should there beget.
But the most crucial point by far,
When travelling or at the bar,
Is to recall that I require,
The measurements of the Empire.
There’s more to see, please read the text,
Then you will know what’s coming next,
With lots of punctuation and
Some words and phrases that are banned.
And just one point to end this verse,
You really must not be averse,
To seeking errors that there lurk,
So please be sure to check your work!”
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