NO MO!

Mofarahannivgames1

It is reported that Mo Farah has now retired from track competitions to begin road running, objects to being asked about alleged former drug-related irregularities and no longer wants to be called Mo, opting for the more formal Mohamed.

“My last race might just disappoint,
But my nose is not out of joint,
Because you can add up the score,
And I have won so much before.

I’ve done it all with tears and sweat,
And no-one anywhere as yet,
Has proved that I have been a cheat,
As I move on from track to street.

With rumours always flying round,
And none of the suspicions sound,
You should take care not to accuse,
Because all this is just fake news.

And one more thing I want to say,
Is going forward from today,
Though you like it, I know, I know,
I don’t want you to call me Mo.

Mohamed will be fine instead,
And since that won’t fit on my head,
Without a risk we will misspell,
Maybe the bot can go as well!”

Image – Brian Minkoff- London Pixels / Wikimedia commons

 

LIGHTNING BOLT

Usain_Bolt_Rio_100m_final_2016cr

It is reported that Usain Bolt has retired from running but unfortunately he failed to win his last race.

You’ve heard of Usain Bolt all right,
And how he did retire last night,
But sadly, his last race he panned,
Not quite the ending he had planned.

He came in third, I have to tell,
Because he ran not quite so well,
As two men from the USA,
Of whom one in a former day,
Had taken drugs to speed his feet,
And thus been branded twice a cheat.

Those watching him were quite upset,
Thought he’d still be the fastest yet,
And though it did seem rather rude,
The winning runner they all booed.

But even though he didn’t win,
He should just take it on the chin,
Because from races won before,
He seems to have medals galore.

How many he has I’m not sure,
Perhaps thirteen or slightly fewer,
But I think that I have been told,
That all of them are made of gold.

So as he makes plans to retire,
He couldn’t have got that much higher;
He was the fastest man of all,
And also more than six feet tall.

Two reasons, then, for people to,
Look up to him as they now do;
He did his distance dominate,
And showed that he was truly great.

Image – Fernando Frazão/Agência Brasil / Wikimedia commons

OUT!

Maria_Sharapova_–_Wimbledon_2009_01

It is reported that the All England Lawn Tennis Club (that’s Wimbledon to you and me) is reminding members that its strict dress code still applies irrespective of what MPs may be doing with their ties.

The MP’s recent dumbing down,
Is causing more than just a frown,
At Wimbledon as you may guess,
Where members must wear formal dress.

That means a shirt and tie and suit,
With formal socks and shoes to boot,
And members must say that they swear,
This formal clothing set to wear.

If not there’ll be a quiet word,
Designed to not be overheard,
But if the man will not comply,
He’ll be fixed with a beady eye,
With ejection as the intent,
Which might cause some embarrassment.

So if you’re going there do check,
That all your clothes are well in spec,
For if they’re not you may have to,
Pick litter like the Wombles do!

Image – Maria Sharapova / Justin Smith UK / Wikimedia commons

DON’T SPEAK LIKE THAT!

Istanbul_Atatürk_Olympic_Stadium_2

It is reported that Turkish President Erdogan has decreed that sporting venues should be called ‘stadiums’ and not ‘arenas’ because the latter is ‘un-Turkish’.

“Good evening and here is the news,
Complete with presidential views,
And so we now have things to say,
Which will affect you from today.

Your president is on the ball,
He doesn’t plan to build a wall,
But he’ll decree the words you say,
When watching games home or away.

The word ‘arena’ is now banned,
The length and breadth of our fair land,
So when you watch please park your bums,
Instead in our great stadiums.

The reason is in Roman times,
Arenas were the scenes of crimes,
As gladiators had to fight,
On Saturday and Sunday night.

Now things like that have gone away,
’Cos we’re more civilised today,
And though the past we can’t excuse,
We can select the words we use.”

But maybe someone with some clout,
To Erdogan might just point out,
The plural’s unfamiliar:
Not ‘stadiums’ but ‘stadia’!

POWER SHOWER

Shower symbol

It is reported that girls are increasingly abandoning sport at ages as young as eight as it is seen as unfeminine and it is thought that this situation would improve if better-smelling soap were provided in the changing rooms and lavatories.

If you’re a girl and still at school,
You may find as a general rule,
That changing rooms are not so nice –
Places you wouldn’t visit twice.

They may be clean or maybe not,
The showers tepid, seldom hot,
And these privations, it’s now thought,
Discourage you from doing sport.

Now sport is good, you must agree,
It keeps you slim as one can see,
And now we’ve come up with a way,
To make sure that you’ll want to play.

The plan is simple in extreme:
Providing face and body cream,
And also soap and posh shampoo,
Plus super-soft rolls in the loo

The boys, though, will not get the same,
And they’ve only themselves to blame,
Because it seems they just don’t care,
And will get changed most anywhere.

We hope this will encourage you,
To stick at sports now – just a few,
And that is it so there you are –
Your very own sport mini spa!

HEART ATTACK ANYONE?

Exercise cartoon

It is reported that the British Heart Foundation has said that people who do not take enough exercise are at an increased risk of a heart attack and even those who do are still at risk if they sit down too much.

We must have heard it all before,
Recently and in days of yore,
If you don’t exercise quite well,
You’ll go to heaven, maybe hell.

You have to do some every day,
One-fifty mins. is what they say,
And if you think this is extreme,
I think each week is what they mean.

That’s just enough to stay on track,
Perhaps avoid a heart attack,
But even then if you should sit,
Too long then that could still be it.

For sitting, it seems, is so bad,
And for us all it’s pretty sad,
Because – and I am sure it’s true –
Sitting is what we mostly do.

So best foot forward and take care,
How long you exercise out there,
And afterwards please understand,
While at the bar you’d better stand.

Cheers!

Image – Pixabay

GOLF EXPERTS

golf-course

It is reported that the governing bodies of the game of golf are proposing to change the rules so that good golfers don’t get stuck behind their less expert brethren.

The game of golf is very slow,
And if you play it then you’ll know,
How irritating it can be,
To get stuck behind he or she,
Who acts as if they didn’t play,
Their first round until yesterday.

They take an age to take their shot,
Is it a good one? It is not!
The ball goes spinning off the side,
Because they hit the damn thing wide.

Then when it ends up in the rough,
Just finding it can be too tough,
For those who can scarce hit the ball,
And shouldn’t play the game at all.

So all in all you’ve spent your day,
Behind someone who couldn’t play,
And all of your now wasted time,
Could have been spent on ale or wine.

So to address this crucial point,
So noses are less out of joint,
It is proposed to change some rules,
To deal with all these silly fools.

They’ll have less time to take their shot,
And if their aim is not so hot,
When they get to a certain score,
According to this new by-law,
They’ll take their ball and end their turn,
Which might encourage them to learn.

And also when their shot they fluff,
And once again land in the rough,
The time allowed to find their ball,
Is really not that much at all;
Three minutes is all they will get,
A time that’s not been tested yet.

And there are more new rules in store,
For those who might, or not, shout ‘Fore!’
And so less need for language coarse,
To speed them swiftly through the course.

So if you’re no good at the game,
And playing with someone the same,
Spiked shoes are not the ones to choose –
You’re better off in running shoes!

Image – http://www.wikihow.com