O2 OH DEAR

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It is reported that O2’s phone and data network was out of action for a day leaving millions of people apparently unable to function.

So let’s about it make no bones,
We all rely on mobile phones,
To speak to people when they ring,
And, too, it seems all sorts of things.

They tell us when the bus is due,
The fastest way from me to you,
And if we press the buttons right,
They’ll tell us where to go tonight,
To see a film or have a meal,
And check out any special deal.

So when the network does go down,
It causes more than just a frown,
As people struggle to adjust,
To life without the phones they trust.

They’re helpless, that much is quite plain,
And it seems they can’t use their brain,
To carry on without their phone,
But many still know how to moan.

So what’s the answer? I don’t know.
Apart from playing tick-tack-toe,
But one should not think it is rude,
If ones ear at last comes unglued.

THE LEANING TOWER

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It is reported that the Leaning Tower of Pisa has straightened up a bit.

In Italy the tourist scene,
Revolves around that which does lean,
Folk flock there in their thousands and,
Discover that it’s built on sand.

More accurately, sands and clays,
And back in mediaeval days,
This mix was softer at one side,
Resulting in a sort of slide.

When I say ‘slide’ I do mean ‘tilt’,
Because the tower was jerry-built,
And when they reached floor number three,
With tilting there for all to see,
They stopped not to the footings shore,
And carried on past level four.

Eventually, as decades passed,
They reached the top, complete with mast,
And then in decades still to come,
It leant a bit more and then some.

Surprisingly, it didn’t fall,
Not just one bit, no not at all;
But in the end the main concern,
Was that the money it could earn,
Might finish, maybe or perhaps,
If Pisa’s landmark should collapse.

So first they tried to add some weight,
In tons, I think, some twenty-eight,
And, though there was a bit of flak,
The tower started leaning back.

But since then methods have improved,
And with more work the tower’s moved,
A bit more vertical, I think,
And that much further from the brink.

The work now finished was quite wise,
It sought the lean to stabilise,
And now it’s done there is no risk,
And tourist trade is rather brisk.

TWO FAT LADIES …

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It is reported that doctors in Croydon who have been prescribing dancing and bingo for their patients have seen a reduction in the number of visits made to hospital.

It would be rude for one to say,
On this or any other day,
That while the NHS is free,
It can be like a lottery.

The staff work hard, they do their best,
Most come out well in any test,
But if you ask they might well say,
They like patients to stay away.

So how to do this? One idea,
Which they have tried not far from here,
Is that they send patients away,
To where they can all bingo play.

These bingo players, studies show,
Found that they didn’t need to go,
To hospital or A and E,
So places there could be kept free.

The reason is, for this, not known,
But many of these folk are prone
To loneliness and things like that,
Which can be dealt with by a chat.

So Lucky seven, Kelly’s eye,
You’ll meet new people if you try,
And – who knows – you might get a date,
With Two fat ladies – eighty-eight.

FISHING CHIPS

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It is reported that Chinese manufacturers, under the direction of the People’s Liberation Army (PLA), have been putting ‘spy chips’ and chips that can be controlled remotely by the Chinese in electronics hardware produced in China and used in Western systems including infrastructure and military systems.

The Chinese have a smiling face,
They’re happy with their current place,
As maker of the hardware which,
Most often works without a hitch.

It’s mostly chips, they make them cheap,
So prices are not all that steep,
And people buy without a care,
To use them almost everywhere.

So far, so good, but it’s been found,
By people working on the ground,
That spy chips have been put into,
The things that work for me and you.

Signs of this have been seen before,
But it was easy to ignore,
These chips that can be hard to trace,
Behind the smiling Chinese face.

But as things go to worse from bad,
Some countries think they better had,
Now ban the use of Chinese chips,
Until with this they’ve got to grips.

Then after that? We’ll have to see,
What the long-term outcome will be;
It will on several things depend,
Like how the Chinese make amends.

Right now they won’t admit that they,
Would ever act in such a way,
But since these chips can’t be removed,
Their actions should quite soon be proved.

Excuses will come thick and fast,
The next quite different from the last,
But they’d look stupid if they took,
Examples from the Russian book!

So in the meantime what to do?
We can’t not use them, that is true;
Perhaps it’s best, despite the cost,
To simply keep our fingers crossed!

… NOT AS I DO!

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It is reported that senior people in Silicon Valley have been restricting their young children’s use of the IT technologies they develop as they believe that too much exposure may be bad for their development.

We all of us now use IT,
And lots and lots of it is free,
So people often use it till,
The day is done and then more still.

It’s not just adults stay online,
Most thinking all of it is fine,
But little children, teenies too,
Also think it’s the thing to do.

And so there is now some debate,
That all this might not be so great,
And children, with yet little brain,
Might find it all too much a strain.

So as their brain grows at a lick,
They might turn out to be quite thick,
For it might change, although not meant,
Their cognitive development.

The IT firms say, “Worry not;
We think you might have lost the plot.
We try to make things kiddies like,
Just like their skates or Chopper bike.

We really do not need to change,
Familiar things they’ll see, not strange,
And all of this stuff surely will,
Just be a force for good, not Ill.”

But it’s reported in the news,
That IT folk have different views,
Concerning their own children who,
You might expect these things to do.

Some IT parents have strict views,
On what devices they can use,
And how long on a normal day,
Their kids with all these things should play.

So what are we to make of this,
And could it be their nemesis?
Is it a case of ‘the cap fits’,
Or are they simply hypocrites?

SHHH!

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It is reported that GCHQ now has an Instagram account.

We all know of GCHQ,
Who spend time looking after you
In secret, though, I must confess,
Perhaps it’s now just more or less.

For they’ve an Instagram new page
Which I suppose is all the rage,
And on which they tell you about,
How they keep nasty people out.

Top of the list – no prizes here,
The Russians who are quite severe,
And then the Chinese who, no doubt,
Are checking all these pages out.

So how to get the pages right:
Inform while keeping secrets tight?

Well, I think they will need a trick,
Which works with spies who are not thick,
And is quite simple to be used,
To keep our enemies confused.

For most things everyone can know,
They write in any language, though
When they want to be more tight-lipped,
There’s no Chinese or Russian script!

Image – George Rex / Flickr

GOO-OGLE

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It is reported that Google employees across the world have staged a walkout to protest against its alleged tolerance of sexual harassment, systemic racism and a toxic working culture.

The folk at Google seem to say,
They are harassed from day to day,
And the top brass there seem to be,
Getting away with this scot free.

They do not like it, that’s for sure,
They want occasions to be fewer,
But senior people on the board,
Dismiss complaints, they are ignored.

So now to bring this to the fore,
Some thousand people, maybe more,
Walked out this week from east to west –
For bosses, then, a sort of test.

The big chief then addressed the crowd,
To say it was now his avowed
Intent to listen and to talk,
Result of this day’s ‘women’s walk’.

And if they’d now their arses move,
He’d certainly seek to improve,
The situation for them all,
So that at work they’d have a ball.

So there we are, we’ll have to see,
What actions follow words of he,
For firms like this don’t like to move,
And always say they will improve!