Phone Chinese woman

It is reported that a Chinese woman had to undergo three hours of emergency surgery after spending twenty hours glued to her mobile phone while on a packed train.

Some people use their phones a lot,
As if they were some kind of bot,
But while it’s on their ear most will,
Not stay for many minutes still.

They walk to where they’re going or,
Fill up their basket in the store;
Or if they think they need to shout,
Then they might wave their arms about.

But now in China, on a train,
Someone caused damage to her brain,
By sitting, staring at her screen,
For twenty hours – a bit extreme.

The phone was damaging her head,
And she was very nearly dead;
She staggered round, now feeling weak,
And then she found she couldn’t speak.

What was the problem? We don’t know.
She’d talked a lot for hours and so,
Had she simply run out of words?
Or is that really just absurd?

Or could she be affected by,
Phone radiation in the sky?
Again, that seems a little queer,
Though lobe and brain are fairly near.

But, in the end, the doctors said,
The reason she was almost dead,
Was that she hadn’t moved at all,
Because her space was far too small.

This caused some clotting in the brain,
Which isn’t too good in the main,
Because, as you’ll appreciate,
You’d rather not be styled ‘the late’.

But could the phone have been to blame?
She could have frozen all the same,
But phoning might move just your lips,
Or possibly your fingertips.

So when you’re on the phone take care,
Especially if seated where,
You haven’t got a lot of room –
Unless you want to meet your doom!




It is reported that Stephen Hawking has sadly died at the age of seventy-six.

Professor Hawking was well-known,
As tributes on his death have shown;
He was a genius, it’s true,
And far more so than me or you.

His theories of space and time,
Set out in prose instead of rhyme,
Were lengthy, not so very terse,
And describe the whole universe.

His book, Brief History of Time,
Was not translated into rhyme,
But many bought it nonetheless,
Though some of them would then confess,
That, as they read, try as they might,
They really struggled to get right
To the end of this book on time –
It would be easier in rhyme.

But one more thing made him stand out,
And maybe did enhance his clout,
And that is that he couldn’t walk,
He very nearly couldn’t talk,
But it seems the professor’s brain,
Was well-nigh perfect in the main.

It seems amazing, now, to me,
That he could all these insights see,
And work out the equations which,
Describe them all without a hitch,
When, whether wearing suit or gown,
He couldn’t, himself, write them down.

So his great fame is well-deserved;
Not only has he science served,
But despite all his toils and strife,
He has brought science back to life.

Image – Doug Wheller / Wikimedia commons


lego tree

It is reported that Lego has announced that, as part of its sustainability initiative, it will start making its plastic trees and leaves from polythene made from sugar cane. But perhaps there is a better and easier option.

Now Lego isn’t very green,
It’s trees are made of polythene,
And all the bricks, they would confess,
Are still all made of ABS.

This ABS is not so green,
It has been long upon the scene;
It’s made from oil so use your brains –
It might affect the climate change.

And when the little girls and boys,
Have broken all their Lego toys,
The plastic has been so well-made,
It simply won’t biodegrade.

So Lego’s now devised a plan,
To make it greener if they can,
And they will now make, in the main,
Their polythene from sugar cane.

This may address point number one,
But when the playing is all done,
These toys that will no longer be,
Will go to landfill or the sea.

But I have a suggestion now,
To tell the Lego people how,
They very possibly now could,
Make all their trees from bits of wood.

This really would be very green,
A climate helper on the scene;
And if, for wood, they pick a twig,
In pieces which are not too big,
They simply take one from their stocks,
And pop it in a cardboard box.

Then, Bob’s your uncle, job all done,
And you can pay two quid for one.

So everybody’s happy now,
For this new Lego mini bough,
Which should have been thought of before,
Will make the Lego profits soar!


Fat Boar 5611069_0736e339

It is reported that the Fat Boar pub and restaurant in Wrexham is offering customers a 25% discount off their food bill if they leave their mobile phones at the door when they arrive.

Whenever you go out to eat,
Which may be as a special treat,
You know that in this day and age,
The mobile phone is all the rage.

Folk sit down at the table and,
With mobile phone fixed in the hand,
On this device their eyes stay glued,
Which is, of course, extremely rude.

You thought, and you should have been right,
That when you booked your meal that night,
You would engage in discourse and,
The others would all understand.

But no, there seems no chance of that,
The conversation will be flat,
With those whose entire life-skills are,
Immersed in social media.

But now, I hear, help is at hand,
For in one pub across the land,
A discount is on offer for,
Leaving your mobile at the door.

The Fat Bore, conscious of its name,
And spelt almost the very same,
Is trying to help folk converse,
At least in prose, if not in verse.

And when they do, you might just think,
That diners would have more to drink,
Because, while fingers type away,
Consumption’s subject to delay.

And more drink means that more is said,
All evening till it’s time for bed,
And if folk drink and talk till ten,
It’s likely they’ll come back again.

So, on that note, let’s give a cheer,
For restaurants like this one round here;
If we can talk and drink and eat,
Perhaps, at last, we’ll Facebook beat!

Image –  © Stephen Craven (cc-by-sa/2.0)



It is reported that the British competitors in the Skeleton (sledging to you and me) event at the South Korean Winter Olympic Games are wearing specially developed suits which may reduce drag and shave a few hundredths of a second off race times. Other teams are accusing them of cheating even though the suits were fully approved by the people who approve suits.

This is the first time I have heard,
Of Skeleton, which sounds absurd,
Because the racers in this sport,
Quite clearly have got some sort,
Of muscles underneath their suits,
Which gets them quickly down the chutes.

They hit the start, they go quite fast,
All trying not to be the last;
In fact, since that would be the worst,
They mostly want to finish first.

So they push off, they have to steer,
Because the track is rather queer;
Then if their time is of the best,
It means they’ve beaten all the rest.

As well as skill, they’ve suit and hat,
And nothing very wrong with that;
But there are rules and it is plain,
They can’t dress like an aeroplane.

This means no spoilers, bits stuck on,
Which would not be sine qua non;
And fabric must, woven or knit,
Be coating-free to make the kit.

The fabric, though, can be quite rough,
As long as it is also tough,
And if it’s rough, it lowers drag –
Not bad for just a bit of rag.

The suits thus made have all been passed,
So riders can go very fast,
And if they finish not so old,
They’ll get a medal, maybe gold.

But the suitmakers have a trick,
Because they’re clever, more than thick;
They give the rider – woman, man –
A thing that’s called a laser scan.

This maps their body shape so that,
No matter they are thin or fat,
The suit can be a perfect fit,
And hug the contours, every bit.

So if they now go on to win,
With shorter times and not much spin,
It will be part down to their kit,
And suits that are a perfect fit!

If you like this please share it with all the Olympic enthusiasts.



It is reported that United Utilities is planning to use specially trained sniffer dogs to locate water leaks in rural areas. The dogs can detect the scent of chlorine in the water and so distinguish between leaks and puddles.

If you have got a dog you’ll know,
That everywhere it tries to go,
It’s always sniffing on the ground,
Impatient to see what’s around.

The police use them to search for drugs,
And escapees, including thugs,
Because their enhanced sense of smell,
Means they can do that job so well.

But now another job’s been found,
For expert noses on the ground;
For trained dogs can with just a sniff,
Observe a puddle and say if,
The water in it’s from a leak,
By dint of its canine technique.

If from a leak, the Cl2,
Not noticed then by me or you,
Is easy for the dog to get,
Both when it’s dry and in the wet.

The secret is, of course, its nose,
Which I am able disclose,
Is better than humans’ by far,
And that is it, so there you are!

But what if dog wees on the floor,
Which is what they are famous for?
Well, I think that would not be good,
You ought to clean it if you could,
Especially if out of reach,
But do go easy on the bleach!


iPhone X

It is reported that customers of the Apple iPhone X are finding that it is sometimes unable to accept incoming calls.

I would imagine, had I thought,
The i in iPhone really ought,
To mean intelligent so you,
Can give it lots of things to do.

Like booking taxis, getting food,
At restaurant tables being rude;
And with that Siri woman there,
Driving the nation to despair.

But I was wrong, I looked it up,
And it seems there was some cock-up;
Though meanings number half of ten,
Intelligent’s not one of them.

There’s internet, instruct, inform,
Plus individual – the norm;
And then inspire to end the list,
Dreamt up by some psychologist.

But hark! Perhaps, the list was right,
’Cos your new iPhone X just might,
Accept not your incoming call,
Nor Irish ones at all at all.

The fruitmen, though, have got it licked,
Because they have their rodents clicked;
And they can helpfully advise,
That since they are so very wise,
The action that we all should take,
Is simple and, make no mistake,
As well as being rather neat,
It will enable call receipt.

The thing the user has to do,
Is, nowadays, not really new,
And you’ll have heard it all before,
Because it’s now there in folklore.

You simply switch it off then on,
Just wait until the charge has gone,
And then some minutes later you,
Can try the phone call to re-do.

There is a problem though, but slight,
Because I think the caller might,
Have just hung up and gone away,
So not to waste his complete day.

Apart from that, it works just fine,
Though, possibly, not every time,
And they say after fifteen calls,
It might not even work at all!

So let your watchword be, ‘Take care’,
When you are talking through the air;
The iPhone X is overblown,
But you could use a normal phone!

If you like this share it with your friends.

Dentists scheduled for tomorrow.