It is reported that sailors from the Royal Navy will provide the guards outside Buckingham Palace for a while instead of the usual guardsmen.

You know the Changing of the Guard?
It’s most days in the palace yard;
The guards all wear the bearskin hat,
And so are well worth looking at.

The tourists come from far and wide,
Some thinking they can go inside,
And get a selfie if they can,
Beside a six foot tall guardsman.

They can’t, for they must stay outside,
Which means they cannot stand beside,
The guard and so the best, they’ve found,
Is have him there in the background.

But now there’s a surprise in store,
For guards, which mostly number four,
Who guard The Queen and amuse you,
Will now be dressed in navy blue.

The Royal Navy, it’s announced,
It seems might have the Army trounced,
And won the contract for a while,
To guard The Sovereign’s stately pile.

One wonders, maybe, why this is,
Could they be cheaper guarding Liz?
Or is there something else at play,
Too delicate for one to say?

Well, I surmise it could be worse,
’Cos with this global warming curse,
It is expected, is it not,
That rainfall might increase a lot,
And be more than we’ve had before,
Including on the courtyard floor.

So maybe there could be a flood,
The drains not working as they should,
And when there is the Navy will,
Then draw on its consummate skill,
And always know just what to do,
While others wouldn’t have a clue.

So this change, possibly, is shrewd,
Despite the language might be crude,
And I think I can safely say,
The Navy will have saved the day!



Spanish beach

It is reported that the Madrid Government is planning to dismiss the Catalan Regional Government following the illegal referendum and its refusal to deny any declaration of independence.

The Government of Spain has said,
Only over its body dead,
Will Catalans go their own way,
And have an independence day.

No matter that they moan and bitch,
For this is a long-standing itch,
And post the referendum test,
The Government does know what’s best.

So very soon it plans to fire,
Officials, local, who aspire,
To lead an independent state,
Or some of them at any rate.

The process will not be too rushed,
But independence will be crushed,
And if there’s need to use some force,
Then that’s what it will do, of course.

By use of force it will put down,
Protests by people in the town,
And it will act so very tough,
Until they have all had enough.

But still it will be firm and fair,
And certainly will not compare,
With referendum day’s filmed views,
The most of which were just fake news.

So Catalans should just watch out,
The Government has lots of clout;
It might be best to bide their time,
And have another glass of wine!



It is reported that people are snacking on popcorn rather than sweets or crisps as they think it is healthier. But a trap awaits.

You know that dentists don’t like sweets,
Think they’re the worst things that we eat,
And doctors aren’t afraid to tell,
That crisps are bad for us as well.

In case of crisps, it is the fat,
Which has been tested out on rat;
I don’t know whether brown or black,
But some have had a heart attack.

So people look for things to eat,
Which, while still seeming like a treat,
Might go some way one’s health to save,
And thus prevent an early grave.

The new contender is … popcorn,
But dentists say they have to warn,
That though popcorn might look all right,
The kernels can be rather tight.

And kernels – that’s the middle bit –
Can cause a problem if you sit,
And munch away, for every bite,
Can wear the tooth, however slight.

And when the wearing gets too bad,
A broken tooth may then be had,
Which, though it may be large or small,
Is undesirable for all.

Except, perhaps, for dentists who,
Know just exactly what to do;
Their treatment stops you being ill,
But there can be a hefty bill.

So when you buy your snacks take care,
There might be danger lurking there;
You do not want to come to grief,
So don’t choose ones that hurt your teeth!


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Hello. I am Ebenezer Bean.  I write a daily blog based on one of the news stories in the day’s papers.  It’s in verse and is supposed to be funny.

As well as this, I have written thirteen books, listed below and all available in paperback and Kindle versions on Amazon.  Just search for Ebenezer Bean or use the link below and ignore the general of the same name in the American Civil War who is no longer alive.  Happy reading.

HILARIOUS HISTORY  Two thousand years of English history from the Romans to the Victorians told in verse in five volumes.  Comprehensive, accurate and hilariously funny – but not necessarily in that order.

FIRST SEPTEMBER  A gripping terrorist novel set in the aftermath of the bombing of PanAm Flight 103 over Lockerbie.

THE LONG SPOON  A fictional political thriller telling the ‘inside story’ of the Irish Peace Process.

REBEL RHYMES  Twenty famous fairy stories told in hilarious verse.  Much funnier than the originals.

CRUNCH!  Over thirty sketches of political foolery and other important matters of the day for politicians and other nuisances.  Witty and amusing although some of the politicians may not agree.

OUCH!  Lessons from history for politicians who think they know best.

RANDOM WRITINGS  Witty commentary on the important matters of the day including the Credit Crunch.  Plus a collection of general ramblings about all sorts of things including some jokes and a puzzle.

RANDOM WRITINGS  (ZigZag SpeeedRead Edition)  The witty commentary of Random Writings (Second Edition) set in ZigZag SpeeedRead for faaaster reading and extra value.  The world’s first ZigZag SpeeedRead paperback.

RHYME AND PREJUDICE  Jane Austen’s famous classic novel re-written in verse.  Accurate and faithful to the original but absolutely hilarious.  Written and published during the novel’s bicentenary year for added authenticity.  Expect to see it mentioned on the next ten pound note!

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE  So similar to the above as to be indistinguishable.  Search for either but don’t buy both to avoid disappointment.

Bean’s Blogs is light-hearted re-reporting of news items of the day for amusement only. On occasions this involves mild exaggeration and choices of words which are humorous and can also be made to rhyme and scan. This should be obvious in the context of the verses. While every care is taken to avoid any inaccuracies or incorrect assertions to which individuals referred to may take exception, should these occur we will be happy to make corrections. Happy reading.