FOR RICHER, FOR POORER

Jeff bezos

It is reported that on 27 July 2017 Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon, briefly became the world’s richest man before being knocked off the number one slot by Microsoft’s Bill Gates.

Jeff Bezos is a wealthy man,
He saves his pennies where he can,
And though he hasn’t been a flop,
He’s never quite got to the top.

Until, that is, one day last week,
When Amazon shares hit a peak,
And Bezos’ wealth was then propelled
Up by the number that he held.

So on that day the man became,
The richest in the world by name,
And likely he thought on that date,
He should find time to celebrate.

But Bezos rather modest is,
And by the time he’d bought the fizz,
Then checked again to see what’s what,
By then he’d been pushed off top slot.

It really came as no surprise,
To find out that his swift demise,
Was all because his friend Bill Gates,
Had pushed him back to second place.

So with the Champagne what to do?
He thought he might drink just a few,
Then sell the rest at bargain rates,
To richest man – that’s still Bill Gates!

POOH BANNED!

Pooh

It is reported that Winnie the Pooh has just been banned in China. No official reason has been given but there is suspicion that he looks too much like President Xi Jinping and this might give rise to ridicule. I wish to make clear that yours truly is only the reporter here.

In China they all like Pooh Bear,
You see his books just everywhere,
And Chinese children like to play,
At Pooh Sticks each and every day.

But suddenly he’s in disgrace,
No longer seen in any place,
And east to west across the land,
Pooh Bear has been completely banned.

The reason’s really far from clear,
He’s not been caught out drinking beer,
And there’s no evidence right now,
With pandas he has had a row.

So what are we to make of this?
Is there some point that we have missed?
The government has nought to say.
At least up until yesterday.

But there’s a rumour going round,
Which is that most Chinese have found,
Resemblance between Pooh and Xi,
The presidential appointee.

And since Pooh’s a figure of fun,
The President might be outdone,
And even made to look a fool,
Or be subject to ridicule.

While this is all right in the West,
As Donald Trump might now attest,
In China it’s beyond the pale,
And you could find yourself in jail.

But I’m not sure we’ve got this right,
For Mr Xi might be uptight,
Because when observed from afar.
He really looks more like Poobah.

For readers who are very young,
Poobah is in a play that’s sung,
Called The Mikado in Japan,
Penned by Gilbert and Sullivan.

(Note: no Irish connection here,
It’s not O’Sullivan, be clear,
And if you want more info yet,
You’ll have to check the internet.)

So of the Poohs just take your pick,
But either might get on Xi’s wick,
And if with either you persist,
You do it all at your own risk!

Image – David Greenwald / Flickr

GARDER À GAUCHE

Citroen 2CV half

It is reported that the authorities in Calais are planning that everyone should drive on the left during the Bank holiday weekend in May 2018 as a kind gesture to the Brexiting British.

The French have got une bonne idée,
Although it may not seem that way,
They plan one weekend next year, spring,
That people who their cars do bring,
For just a few days they all might,
Drive on the left and not the right.

“The Brits will like it,” says the mayor,
“For when they come from over there,
Such driving will avoid the queues,
As they stock up on bargain booze.

They’ll find it’s really very good,
Will spend and drink more than they should,
And when they are all set to load,
They will not have to cross the road.

So they will load up twice as fast,
The first box right through to the last,
And if they’re sober when they leave,
That’s something I would disbelieve.”

“But what about the French?” you ask,
“For them it will be such a task,
To navigate on left not right,
And some of them might start a fight.”

“We’ve thought of that,” the mayor replied,
“And we are keeping them on side.
We’ve told them it’s a chance to learn,
For something that they mostly yearn,
Which is to leave this place Calais,
And go and live in the U.K!”

Image -High Contrast / Wikimedia commons

MACRON WINS!

Macron

It is reported that Emmanuel Macron has won the French presidential election.

So Macron wins, donc quelle surprise,
And he achieved the feat with ease,
For everybody thought he would,
But not because he’s any good,
Rather they liked less Ms Le Pen,
Who’ll have to wait to try again.

Most will heave a sigh of relief,
That Ms Le Pen has come to grief,
But some will curse and likely say,
They don’t want Macron anyway.

His party is so very new,
He might not know quite what to do,
And so whatever his intent,
It may be the French Parliament,
Will get itself into a stew,
And frustrate what he wants to do.

But that is for a later date –
That’s what I think at any rate –
And though true fans may be quite few,
He’s very keen on the EU.

And the EU is keen on him,
For if he’d lost things would be grim,
With Ms Le Pen determined to,
An awful lot of trouble brew.

But now they think all is secured,
The EU’s future now assured,
And they might think that from this day,
Opponents will all fade away.

So to reward this French result,
Claude Juncker has sought to insult,
The British, saying from next week,
He will no longer English speak.

I s’pose when Brexit is complete,
The only English-speaking state,
Remaining in the then EU,
Is Ireland who speak Irish too.

So English may then cease to be,
Une langue officielle de l’UE,
But if English is not then used,
Things could get terribly confused.

But back to France where it may seem,
La langue Francaise now reigns supreme,
And though for now they are quite chuffed,
The Germans might yet see them stuffed!

Image: Gouvernement Francais

EBENEZER BEAN

Ebenezer Bean 1

I am Ebenezer Bean.  I write a daily blog based on one of the news stories in the day’s papers.  It’s in verse and is supposed to be funny.

I have written thirteen books, listed below and all available in paperback and Kindle versions on Amazon.  Just search for Ebenezer Bean or use the link below and ignore the general of the same name in the American Civil War who is no longer alive.  Happy reading.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Ddigital-text&field-keywords=ebenezer+bean&rh=n%3A341677031%2Ck%3Aebenezer+bean

HILARIOUS HISTORY  Two thousand years of English history from the Romans to the Victorians told in verse in five volumes.  Comprehensive, accurate and hilariously funny – but not necessarily in that order.

FIRST SEPTEMBER  A gripping terrorist novel set in the aftermath of the bombing of PanAm Flight 103 over Lockerbie.

THE LONG SPOON  A fictional political thriller telling the ‘inside story’ of the Irish Peace Process.

REBEL RHYMES  Twenty famous fairy stories told in hilarious verse.  Much funnier than the originals.

CRUNCH!  Over thirty sketches of political foolery and other important matters of the day for politicians and other nuisances.  Witty and amusing although some of the politicians may not agree.

OUCH!  Lessons from history for politicians who think they know best.

RANDOM WRITINGS  Witty commentary on the important matters of the day including the Credit Crunch.  Plus a collection of general ramblings about all sorts of things including some jokes and a puzzle.

RANDOM WRITINGS  (ZigZag SpeeedRead Edition)  The witty commentary of Random Writings (Second Edition) set in ZigZag SpeeedRead for faaaster reading and extra value.  The world’s first ZigZag SpeeedRead paperback.

RHYME AND PREJUDICE  Jane Austen’s famous classic novel re-written in verse.  Accurate and faithful to the original but absolutely hilarious.  Written and published during the novel’s bicentenary year for added authenticity.  Expect to see it mentioned on the next ten pound note!

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE  So similar to the above as to be indistinguishable.  Search for either but don’t buy both to avoid disappointment.

Note:
Bean’s Blogs is light-hearted re-reporting of news items of the day for amusement only. On occasions this involves mild exaggeration and choices of words which are humorous and can also be made to rhyme and scan. This should be obvious in the context of the verses. While every care is taken to avoid any inaccuracies or incorrect assertions to which individuals referred to may take exception, should these occur we will be happy to make corrections. Happy reading.