ALCOLOLLIES

Lollipops

It is reported that alcoholic ice lollipops have suddenly become very popular and some supermarkets have been running out of supplies but the police are worried about drink drive issues as some of them are rather strong.

If you’d like something rather nice,
Then try an alcoholic ice,
They’re not for kiddywinks you see,
But grown-ups more like you and me.

This craze now sweeping through the land,
Is not so hard to understand,
Because with these if you persist,
You’ll very likely end up … drunk.

That’s more than just a state of mind,
For drunks soon find that any kind,
Of thing is really hard to do,
And talking’s pretty awkward too.

And also as we’ve learned from bars,
This does apply to driving cars,
So listen now to police advice,
And don’t drive with this kind of ice.

So when you’re shopping do take care,
If you see these things on sale there,
Don’t take too many off the shelf,
Or you might end up drunk yourself!

ONE IS AMUSED

Train GWR

It is reported that the Queen has made the inaugural journey on a new type of train from Slough to Paddington exactly 175 years after her great great grandmother made the same journey in 1842 and almost as quickly.

Her Majesty’s been on the train,
A lovely outing without rain,
And the trip she embarked upon,
From Slough to London Paddington,
Was the same as her ancestor,
Victoria had made before.

That day in 1842,
When trains back then we’re pretty new,
Was said by the then Head of State,
To be ‘delightful, really great’,
And since it went at such a lick,
The journey time was ‘very quick’.

Our present Queen’s train newer is,
By one point seven five centuries,
But even though such time has passed,
If one were to ask me how fast,
The newer rain went yesterday,
I’d really, truly have to say,
The trip was faster overall,
But by six minutes, that is all.

That change seems really rather small,
Does not seem very much at all,
But while it might leave one bemused,
The first Queen might be quite amused!

Image – Hitachi Rail Europe

HOW TO PEEL A BANANA

Banana Dolphins

It is reported that bananas should be peeled starting at the non-stalk end.

Bananas come, bananas go,
But one thing that you ought to know,
When opening one is your intent,
No matter be it straight or bent,
Is from which end you ought to peel,
So to prepare it for your meal.

Now monkeys, ’cos they’re very smart,
All know at which end they should start;
It’s not the stalk end that they choose,
Instead the other one they use.

So we should take our cue from them,
No longer starting at the stem,
Then as we do prepare our treat,
Our enjoyment will be complete.

And so that we will peel this way,
You ought to know ’til Brexit day,
Procedures for this simple chore,
Will be enshrined in EU law.

THIN SKINNED

Trump angry

It is reported that Donald Trump has said that he does not want his planned state visit to the UK to take place if there might be demonstrations or protests.

One small problem for Mrs May,
Now that she’s past election day,
Is how to deal with Donald Trump,
And whether she should try to bump,
The President off his planned tour –
The one she offered him before.

She’s other things now on her plate –
Brexit for one at any rate –
And she’d be better to be free,
Of still yet more controversy.

But Trump now waded in last night,
And said if anything might blight,
His state visit like an affray,
Then he would want to stay away.

Protests and demos are so bad,
That though he’d be in armour clad,
It might look bad on prime TV,
And his spin doctors do agree.

So since some protests likely will
Occur this should the visit kill;
Arrangements likely will be binned,
Because The Trump is so thin-skinned.

If this is so for Mrs May,
The problem might have gone away,
But she must carefully this spin,
So protesters don’t seem to win.

BATMAN NO MORE

Batman logo

It is reported that Adam West, who played the original Batman on television in the 1960s, has died aged eighty-eight.

I wonder if perhaps tonight.
You might now all like some respite,
From politics after last week,
So to that end I’ve had a peek,
Right through the papers of today,
But sadly they’ve not much to say,
That won’t be getting on our wicks –
That is the dreaded politics.

The only thing that I could see,
Of interest then to some degree,
Is news that Adam West has died,
A fact that has been verified.

If you don’t know I should point out,
That this actor without a doubt,
Was the first Batman you could see,
In 1960s on TV.

It’s sad that he should pass away,
Just two days prior yesterday,
So Gotham City should take care –
Joker and Penguin are still there!

Image – methodshop.com

DIDN’T HE DO WELL? … OR MAYBE NOT

Jeremy Corbyn cartoon

It is reported that in the recent general election Jeremy Corbyn did really well ….. but his party came second and he got the job of Leader of the Opposition.

So Mrs May was not so wise,
And rightly do we criticise,
The way that she ran her campaign,
Which was quite dreadful in the main.

Her campaign really was the pits,
Most will agree, no buts no ifs,
And she quite managed to deplete,
The compliment of Tory seats.

But Corbyn on the other hand,
Is praised now all throughout the land,
Because he did so very well,
… Although maybe it’s hard to tell.

He bribed young people – no more fees,
The oldies wanting fuel please,
Free childcare after which he feels,
Kids all should get their free school meals.

But even with all this and more,
He really, truly failed to score,
He knew Ms May was in a spin,
But even then he couldn’t win!

THE INQUEST

#juniordoctorsstrike Jeremy Corbyn

It is reported that the general election has finished and the Conservatives fared badly.

At times like this is isn’t long,
Before it’s asked, ‘What did go wrong?’
And yesterday folk did ask that,
In just about five minutes flat.

The journalists all give their views,
Which get reported in the news,
And others also ask why they,
Have been let down by Mrs May.

The reason’s complex, I would say,
But principally Mrs May,
Judged that she was so far ahead,
That if to people she now said,
She’d not their winter fuel pay,
They wouldn’t have a place to stray.

Then secondly the PM feels,
That she should end their free school meals,
And finally if people find,
That they are going off their mind,
Then it is really only fair,
That they themselves should pay for care.

This upset folk so very much,
That Tories were kicked into touch,
And then to make things all the worse,
J Corbyn opened up his purse,
And set about to buy their vote,
With lots of things that we might note.

Free childcare – please ignore the cost –
The lock on pensions won’t be lost,
And if you go to uni-v,
Then your tuition will be free.

So ‘Vote for me,’ you heard him say,
And not for Tory Mrs May,
And we’ll be sure to guarantee,
That everything you want is free!