SPEAKS DIRECT

Christmas Fair 26-11-2010

It is reported that Sport Direct has issued an order that bans its employees from speaking foreign languages at work – including Welsh. Not sure about Scotland; perhaps he hasn’t taken on the Sturgeon yet.

Mike Ashley has the strongest views,
Including language to be used,
In his warehouses, vans and shops,
To stop him getting in a strop.

All words said must in English be,
No German, Spanish, or Chinee,
And this applies to any role,
And those employees on parole.

One reason given’s HSE –
What other reason could there be? –
So everyone will understand,
While working in the Sports D land,
Just where to go and what to do,
And when it’s best to use the loo.

And also they should be polite,
With all the words they read and write,
So customers more likely will,
Keep coming back to use the till.

But some folk who in Welsh can speak,
Have said it is a real cheek,
And in fact it’s completely wrong,
They can’t speak in their native tongue.

Perhaps they know swear words in Welsh,
Like ‘Daion fi’ or ‘Blendithiwych fy enaed’*,
So if they want a private moan,
They can use swear words of their own.

So now a dispute may arise,
Court cases could materialise,
’Til one side stops and just gives in,
’Cos this is a ‘Storm mewn tywyn!’**

* Like ‘goodness me!’or ‘bless my soul!’
**‘Storm in a …….’
* And anyway, it seems nothing in English rhymes with ‘Welsh’.

Image – Martin Pettitt / Flickr / Creative Commons

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