ONE RING OR TWO?

Coat_of_arms_of_Justin_Welby,_105th_Archbishop_of_Canterbury.svg

It is reported that the Archbishop of Canterbury dropped the bride’s ring during a marriage service.

“So with this ring, I thee now wed …
Oh damn it, what have I just said?
There was a ring here, I was sure,
And now, it seems, there’s one ring fewer.

Without the ring, we can’t go on,
There could be two, there must be one;
So if we can’t see where it’s gone,
Your wedding will not be much fun.

But lo! What is that there I see?
It’s golden, so it might just be …
And … yes it is! I think I’m right,
We’ll have you married by tonight!

So pass it here, no harm is done,
Or we can maybe ask someone,
To grovel underneath that seat,
Then we our service can complete.

Well, that was lucky, maybe I,
Should go off and re-qualify,
For though I’m an archbishop now,
It seems that I’ve forgotten how,
To conduct weddings with aplomb,
Instead of like an old sitcom!”

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CHAIRMAN OF THE BENCH

Park Bench

It is reported that a park bench belonging to Canterbury City council has been removed by contractors working for Kent County Council which denies the allegation but is investigating.

In Canterbury stands a seat,
It’s comfortable, rather neat,
At least it was ’til yesterday,
When someone took the seat away.

The City Council does allege,
That this seat just behind the hedge,
Was stolen by contractors who,
Were not entitled so to do.

They were working for Kent CC,
Replacing lights so folk could see,
But now with no bench there conjoint,
There does not seem a lot of point.

The Council has sent Kent a bill,
Declaring there is no ill-will,
But if in time they do not pay,
For the bench that they took away,
So a replacement can be bought,
Then they will find themselves in court.

But there in court a problem lies,
’Cos magistrates there, mostly wise,
Who will expect to rule on it,
Will have no bench on which to sit.

So is this now Catch 22,
Where magistrates cannot say who,
Should stand the cost of this cockup,
Unless they do it standing up?