Matt Cartoon BJC

It is reported that Matt, The Telegraph’s cartoonist of thirty years, has received congratulatory messages from numerous public figures who have been the subjects of his cartoons including all previous prime ministers and at least one member of the Royal Family. But not from Jeremy Corbyn whose spokesman politely declined to offer his congratulations and said that ‘none of the cartoons he had seen about Jeremy were funny’. As if. Perhaps he should Czech more carefully. (See Comrade Corbyn, 18 February if you don’t follow.)

You’ve heard of Matt, he draws cartoons,
Makes politicians look like goons,
And as he does them he pokes fun,
At pretty nearly anyone.

They mostly like it, many say,
His cartoons brighten up their day,
And some have hung them on the wall,
So they can’t be upset at all.

And now, it seems, it’s thirty years,
That he’s been ribbing lord’s and sirs,
And even some who claim to be,
Part of the Royal Family.

So on this ‘birthday’, most have sent,
Their wishes which are all well-meant,
Including all PMs alive,
Which you can count – they number five.

But not, it seems, has Corbyn, J,
Instead of which his man did say,
“This time I think we will decline,
For, maybe since they’re not in rhyme,
The ones with Jeremy have not,
Made any of us laugh a lot.
And that is all we have to say,
So, thanks for asking, now, good day!”

You might think this is rather terse,
And wrong to blame the lack of verse;
But maybe communists like him,
Make living so dreadfully grim,
And peasants must be so servile,
That no-one has a need to smile.

So let your watchword be, “Take care!”
If you are in a cartoon where,
You might be portrayed as a fool,
Or be subject to ridicule.

Your comments, then, should not be terse,
And certainly must not be worse;
You really must not think too deep,
But a sense of proportion keep.

But back to Corbyn, people say,
He shouldn’t be PM one day.
And now, perhaps, we have the proof,
Because, we find, he stays aloof,
And unlike all PMs before,
He might declare an all out war,
Against cartoonists in the Press,
That cause him such undue distress.

Image – Ebenezer Bean


Spies 6357759479_1cfff1918a

It is reported that it is alleged that Jeremy Corbyn had suspicious meetings with Czechoslovak spy Jan Sarkocy in the mid 1980s.

It was alleged in last week’s Sun,
That Corbyn, J, had met someone,
Dressed in a long dark coat and hat,
And passed off as a ‘diplomat’.

But then men in such coats and hats,
Were very rarely diplomats,
Because, now known to you and I,
A person like that was a spy.

And that Jan was such, in a suit,
Is probably beyond dispute;
The job was spying which he held,
And later on he was expelled.

The code name used, it seems, was Cob,
And Sarko says his part-time job,
Was to give information so,
He could report it to Moscow.

So, thirty years on, Cob must say,
Why he met Sarko on that day,
And what his purpose was to speak,
And did this constitute a leak?

The meetings Cob does not deny,
But says he doesn’t know quite why,
Sarko is making up this lie,
About him which he does not buy.

But we’ve no explanation yet,
For why Cob and Sarkocy met;
We need to know the what and where,
So Agent Cob can clear the air.

If he does not, then there will be,
Suspicion hanging over he,
Especially should he abscond,
And then they’d have to send James Bond!

Image – AJC1 / Flickr



It is reported that the Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn, speaking on the Andrew Marr show, has promised to buy eight thousand houses to give to the five thousand homeless people who sleep rough every night.

His generous nature knows no bounds,
As he proceeds to do the rounds,
Of TV studios each day,
With promises along the way.

Last time it was tuition fees,
Where he had come up with the wheeze,
Of cancelling all students’ debt,
Including those not started yet.

He didn’t know what it would cost,
But when he’d the election lost,
He did admit it was a lie,
For there weren’t funds with which to buy.

And now for people sleeping rough,
Because their lives are pretty tough,
He’s promising a house or flat,
And what could be so wrong with that?

Well, first, someone will have to pay,
From taxes raised day after day,
Then he shows with this property,
His extreme generosity.

Eight thousand homes he says he’ll buy,
And you’d be right to wonder why,
When only five thousand sleep rough,
Would fewer flats not be enough?

The only answer that makes sense,
(The maths but not the pounds and pence)
Is that these folk will mostly get,
A main house and a maisonette.

Alternatively, if not that,
Perhaps some other house or flat,
But either way, do not forget,
A house and a second home they’ll get.

But this is really too extreme,
It certainly seems far from mean,
And the cost would be rather high,
So could this be another lie?


McDonnell John

It is reported that the Shadow Chancellor, John McDonnell, has poo-pooed the idea that he should discuss financial figures in interviews because he has ‘iPads and advisers to deal with that sort of thing’.

“Now when our party comes to power,
We will, for sure, within the hour,
Renationalise the rail and such,
And, really, it won’t cost too much.

That is because it will all pay,
As more workers go on their way,
And since I am not under oath,
I can say we’ll see lots of growth.

So that’s a ‘one-to-one return’,
Because more people work and earn,
And with the extra tax they pay,
It’s easy to the costs defray.”

“That sounds like nonsense, now to me,
Costs will rise exponentially,
So for our listeners at a loss,
Please tell them how much this will cost.”

“To ask me that just is not right,
It’s journalism rather trite,
And, in fact, it just makes me mad,
For I’ve advisors with iPad.

So I don’t need to know the figs,
And whether they are small or big;
The only thing you need to do,
Is listen when I say to you,
That though it sounds a bit oddball,
It won’t cost anything at all!

So do believe me when I say,
Things will work really well this way,
And if they don’t then it’s just tough –
I’m old and I have had enough.”



It is reported that Jeremy Corbyn denies claiming that he would cancel student debt if Labour won the 2017 general election. He just said he would ‘deal with it’.

Now Corbyn promised in campaign,
That student debt which was a pain,
Would be dealt with sine qua non,
If he had the election won.

He chose his wording though with care,
Implying to those listening there,
That they should be in little doubt,
That all their debts would be wiped out.

Election finished, he did well,
Compared to what most did foretell,
But fortunately it might seem,
He does not lead the seats of green,
And so he is not having to,
Make promises like that come true.

When challenged now by Andrew Marr,
He said that it was all just blah,
For when he promised it to you,
He really didn’t have a clue,
How much the cost would really be,
So couldn’t say it would be free.

But people say it had effect,
In causing students to expect,
That voting Labour on the day,
Would see their worries melt away.

A lesson then for voters who,
Believe the parties as some do;
If they are promising things nice,
Please check their wording is precise!

Image – Rwendland / Wikimedia commons



In the aftermath of the general election it is reported that Jeremy Corbyn has a plan to increase the minimum wage for sixteen to eighteen year olds to £10 per hour.

So Corbyn very nearly won,
Because young voters thought the sun,
As I’ll now try to rhyme and parse,
Shone all the time out of his arse.

The reason really is quite clear,
For he had given them a steer,
That uni fees would all be scrapped,
At which young people were all rapt.

With other things on offer too,
Made to the many, not the few,
So many people would cash in,
That they would likely vote for him.

But since he lost he’s got a plan,
That every teenage boy or man,
Should have their hourly rate increased,
To ten pounds, doubling it at least.

“So vote for me! You’ll be quids in.
All this is true, it isn’t spin,
And money for this higher rate,
Will be paid by the ones we hate;
The ones you always ought to boo –
That’s not the many but the few!”

So Corbyn in his power grab,
Makes out it will be really fab,
With everybody due a treat,
Once he’s installed in Downing Street.

The upshot, though, is that these yobs,
Will all be priced out of their jobs,
And Corbyn’s plan will be complete,
When there are riots in the street.

So let your watchword be ‘Take care’,
When you’re assessing Corbyn there,
It’s better you’ve a job than not,
So kick him out – he’s just a Trot!


Panic button

It is reported that Jeremy Corbyn is still refusing to say that he would launch a nuclear weapon.

JC has many times been asked,
If he could contemplate the task,
Of launching missiles just before,
We’re consumed by nuclear war.

He never really answered right,
And then again on Friday night,
To his discomfort and great pain,
A questioner asked him again.

A rambling ‘answer’ then ensued,
In which he said he’d not be rude,
And rather than a missile fire,
Whose consequences would be dire,
Instead he’d be prepared to talk,
Taking the role of dove, not hawk.

He says this is a better way,
Because the worst – how can I say –
While we’d be blown to smithereens,
There wouldn’t be such dreadful scenes,
In Moscow or indeed Pyongyang,
Where bombs might otherwise go ‘Bang!’

So now we know the man’s imbued,
With certain moral rectitude,
And so the answer’s ‘No’ not ‘Yes’,
Because he’ll not the button press.

And if he thinks this is all right,
Eventually he’ll get a fright,
For with friend Putin in the east,
A few of us might be deceased.