SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

Kim smile 1

Kim smile 2

It is reported that Russian TV has Photoshopped a smile onto Kim Jong-un’s frowning face in a recent photograph of him with Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov. Can you not trust anybody these days?

If you watch Kim for quite a while,
It’s likely you’ll not see him smile;
He’s often looking pretty grim,
A trademark of this leader, Kim.

It matches up, so some might say,
With life that’s lived from day to day,
By people in the hermit state,
Or some of them at any rate.

But now a problem has occurred,
For when the Russian TV heard,
That one photo with Lavrov S,
Might cause the Kremlin some distress,
They thought to please those at the top,
By dint of a quick Photoshop.

So Kim’s lips were turned upside down,
Which made a smile from just a frown;
And though it doesn’t look quite right,
Because his mouth is rather tight,
The rather odd smile now of Kim,
Could all be put down just to him;
Not Russia getting up his nose,
Just a non-photogenic pose.

You might like it, though not a lot,
As Kim and Lavrov hatch a plot,
Ahead of Kim’s meeting and more,
With Donald Trump in Singapore.

What this might be we’ll have to wait,
Until these two odd heads of state,
Have met then maybe we will tell,
If Trump gets Photoshopped as well.

PUSSY CAT, PUSSY CAT …

Trump cartoon 2

It is reported that President Trump is to visit the United Kingdom on Friday 13 July; he is expected to meet the Queen but may avoid London owing to likely protests.

#Pussy Cat, pussy cat, where have you been?
I’ve been up to London to visit the Queen.
Pussy cat, pussy cat, what did you there?
I frightened a little mouse under her chair.#

Perhaps he will, or maybe not,
He’s not expecting to get shot,
But there’s another reason why,
When Donald Trump comes in July,
He might not go to London Town –
Protesters there might face him down.

Quite what they’ll do we do not know,
They might throw eggs and shout and so,
Although he won’t be moved to tears,
He might have to defend his ears.

And some of them might be so rude,
With guilt of moral turpitude,
(Which would prevent, I have to say,
Their entry to the USA.
(If here you can’t follow the Bard,
Check on your US landing card.))

So this would be their chance denied,
If right round London he goes wide,
Taking, perhaps, a scenic drive,
Around the old M25.

Now Friday the thirteenth’s the date,
That’s chosen for this Head of State,
And though the choice of date seems dumb,
It might not be so bad for some.

For Donald might not have been told,
It’s been unlucky from of old,
And if protesters eggs should chuck,
Then Donald might just have to Duck!

FOUR HOUSES AND AN HOTEL

Monopoly 11513424364_f48b8cb877_b

It is reported that Donald Trump has refused to come to London and cut the ribbon on the new US embassy because Barack Obama sold the old one for ‘peanuts’ and he doesn’t like the ‘off location’ of the new one.

“I’m Donald Trump so hear my tweet:
Our embassy just down the street,
In the square next to that marked ‘GO’,
Was valuable, I’ll have you know.

But it was sold for peanuts and,
A new one built where it’s less grand,
In some place with a worse postcode –
It might have been the Old Kent Road.

This was a stupid thing you see,
No-one knows real estate like me,
They should have, as we all know well,
Built four houses and an hotel!”

Image – William Warby / Flickr

A GENIUS INDEED

donald-trump-1274400_960_720

It is reported that Donald Trump is claiming to be ‘a genius … and a very stable genius at that’.

“I’ve told you all that I am smart,
And excellent at any art,
And so I hope you will accept,
I’m rather clever, not inept.

I was a businessman, you know,
Then went on TV with my show;
So many people watched me there,
And not just looking at my hair.

I really was the biggest star,
Was certain that I could go far,
And so I thought I’d take a pot,
And make a bid for the top slot.

Needless to say, I went and won,
A lifetime of ambition done,
But trouble not to make a fuss –
It’s just that I’m a genius.

So clever people eat your heart,
Because, although you might be smart,
However clever you may be,
You want a genius? … that’s me!”

ALL QUIET ON THE HAIRSTYLE FRONT

Trump and Kim spoof

It is reported (or perhaps not) that everything has gone quiet regarding North Korea’s threat to launch missiles towards Guam in the middle of August.

Now Kim Jong Un, you will recall,
Who doesn’t want to build a wall,
Had promised to the man who does,
That he planned to create a buzz,
By firing missiles near to Guam,
But this time they would do no harm.

He got a very rude reply,
Which might have made him wonder why,
He’d made this rather hasty threat,
Which he was not prepared for yet.

So Kim appeared then on TV,
Where anyone who looked could see,
Him looking at plans for the strike –
Or could it be a lookalike?

Then having done his plan review,
It seems a deeper breath he drew,
And though he had no more to say,
His threat, for now, has gone away.

So we will have to wait and see,
What further words come forth from he;
These people can be volatile,
Or should the word be infantile?

Image – Kim Wing summialo / Wikimedia commons

HOLIDAY BOOM!

Guam Ritidian_Beach

It is reported that Donald Trump has told the people of Guam to expect a tourism boom because with the North Korean missile crisis everybody has now heard of them. All news is good news, eh?

“Now welcome to our island here,
You’ll not have very much to fear;
We’ve lovely beaches, golden sand,
And our defences will withstand,
Whatever that guy with bad hair,
Might lob this way from over there.

He says he’ll aim for in the sea,
But just between him, you and me,
Do please stay inland if you would,
In case his aim is not too good.

And then he has some bigger bombs,
Which could cause pretty bad maelstroms,
And though these types have all been banned,
Just one will make sure you get tanned.

The tanning happens pretty quick,
Will work for any Tom or Dick,
And after that if you still stay,
Your sunbed can be put away.

You just won’t need it any more,
’Cos if by then we are at war,
The sunbed which your tan assists,
Most likely no longer exists.

But even if there is no war,
And the bed’s there just as before,
Your tan will be extremely deep,
So folk will know it wasn’t cheap.

So do enjoy your stay with us,
And just ignore the blinking fuss,
You will need factor ninety-five,
But only if you’re still alive!”

Image – Laura Beuregard, U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service – Pacific Regions

TWITTER WARS

Guam

It is reported that North Korea has threatened to fire missiles over Japan to land in the sea near the US military bases in Guam by the middle of August and that Donald Trump has promised extreme retaliation.

Two overweight men with bad hair,
Determined to the whole world scare,
Keep making comments rather rash,
That they will each the other smash.

The young one’s done this all along,
(He lives in that place starts with ‘Pyong’)
It’s not clear why he makes his boast,
Which could end up with him as toast.

While he’s mad and perhaps insane,
I can’t see what he’s got to gain,
But threatening to attack that isle,
Is certain Donald Trump to rile.

Now Trump we know is so thin-skinned,
That he threatens that fire and wind,
Will come down on folk fat or thin,
When any person crosses him.

The misdemeanour may be slight,
But even so Trump gets uptight,
And several people have been fired,
Including ones he himself hired.

So if someone should threaten war –
A threat he hasn’t had before –
Because a war is not so nice,
You would expect he’d take advice.

But we know that is not Trump’s way,
And so he pronounced yesterday,
That fire and fury’s not enough,
So now he would get really tough;
He thought a bit and then he said,
“There would be big trouble instead.”

When asked what that meant, should folk flee?
He said, “Just wait. You’ll see. You’ll see.”
Which really means without much doubt,
He hasn’t quite yet worked it out.

So we must wait with bated breath,
To see if this fight’s to the death,
Or if his tweets show that he’s brave,
And Twitter can the planet save.