ALL QUIET ON THE HAIRSTYLE FRONT

Trump and Kim spoof

It is reported (or perhaps not) that everything has gone quiet regarding North Korea’s threat to launch missiles towards Guam in the middle of August.

Now Kim Jong Un, you will recall,
Who doesn’t want to build a wall,
Had promised to the man who does,
That he planned to create a buzz,
By firing missiles near to Guam,
But this time they would do no harm.

He got a very rude reply,
Which might have made him wonder why,
He’d made this rather hasty threat,
Which he was not prepared for yet.

So Kim appeared then on TV,
Where anyone who looked could see,
Him looking at plans for the strike –
Or could it be a lookalike?

Then having done his plan review,
It seems a deeper breath he drew,
And though he had no more to say,
His threat, for now, has gone away.

So we will have to wait and see,
What further words come forth from he;
These people can be volatile,
Or should the word be infantile?

Image – Kim Wing summialo / Wikimedia commons

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HOLIDAY BOOM!

Guam Ritidian_Beach

It is reported that Donald Trump has told the people of Guam to expect a tourism boom because with the North Korean missile crisis everybody has now heard of them. All news is good news, eh?

“Now welcome to our island here,
You’ll not have very much to fear;
We’ve lovely beaches, golden sand,
And our defences will withstand,
Whatever that guy with bad hair,
Might lob this way from over there.

He says he’ll aim for in the sea,
But just between him, you and me,
Do please stay inland if you would,
In case his aim is not too good.

And then he has some bigger bombs,
Which could cause pretty bad maelstroms,
And though these types have all been banned,
Just one will make sure you get tanned.

The tanning happens pretty quick,
Will work for any Tom or Dick,
And after that if you still stay,
Your sunbed can be put away.

You just won’t need it any more,
’Cos if by then we are at war,
The sunbed which your tan assists,
Most likely no longer exists.

But even if there is no war,
And the bed’s there just as before,
Your tan will be extremely deep,
So folk will know it wasn’t cheap.

So do enjoy your stay with us,
And just ignore the blinking fuss,
You will need factor ninety-five,
But only if you’re still alive!”

Image – Laura Beuregard, U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service – Pacific Regions

TWITTER WARS

Guam

It is reported that North Korea has threatened to fire missiles over Japan to land in the sea near the US military bases in Guam by the middle of August and that Donald Trump has promised extreme retaliation.

Two overweight men with bad hair,
Determined to the whole world scare,
Keep making comments rather rash,
That they will each the other smash.

The young one’s done this all along,
(He lives in that place starts with ‘Pyong’)
It’s not clear why he makes his boast,
Which could end up with him as toast.

While he’s mad and perhaps insane,
I can’t see what he’s got to gain,
But threatening to attack that isle,
Is certain Donald Trump to rile.

Now Trump we know is so thin-skinned,
That he threatens that fire and wind,
Will come down on folk fat or thin,
When any person crosses him.

The misdemeanour may be slight,
But even so Trump gets uptight,
And several people have been fired,
Including ones he himself hired.

So if someone should threaten war –
A threat he hasn’t had before –
Because a war is not so nice,
You would expect he’d take advice.

But we know that is not Trump’s way,
And so he pronounced yesterday,
That fire and fury’s not enough,
So now he would get really tough;
He thought a bit and then he said,
“There would be big trouble instead.”

When asked what that meant, should folk flee?
He said, “Just wait. You’ll see. You’ll see.”
Which really means without much doubt,
He hasn’t quite yet worked it out.

So we must wait with bated breath,
To see if this fight’s to the death,
Or if his tweets show that he’s brave,
And Twitter can the planet save.

TRUMP NEWS

President-elect Donald J. Trump and Vice President-elect Mike Pence place a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Arlington National Cemetery

It is reported that Donald Trump has started a ‘real news service’ to provide ‘real news’ rather than the ‘fake news’ that he accuses the established media of peddling. The newsreader is – you almost guessed it – his daughter-in-law.

The Trump, he doesn’t like the news,
He says he can’t express his views,
And that it does the facts distort,
In each and every news report.

But what he really means is that,
He now wants to avoid a spat,
’Cos with the number that he’s had,
It’s really looking pretty bad.

The Press in other countries may,
Be treated in a different way,
Be told what to or not to say,
But this is the old USA.

And in this place the Press is free,
Can dot the i and cross the t,
By which I mean that they can write,
Whatever they might think is right.

But Donald Trump, still undeterred,
Says he just thinks it is absurd,
That all the Press in his fair land,
Will not be guided by his hand.

So he’s set up a channel new,
Run by his daughter-in-law who,
Will likely each and every night,
Attempt to set the record right.

So we’re told what he did today,
How he has gone without his pay,
And good things like the what and why,
The stock market has gone so high.

The unemployment rate is low,
Which gave The Trump the time to go,
And give out medals to police,
For preventing people’s decease.

That was right as far as it went,
But didn’t give the full extent,
Of Trump’s activities and so,
When you’re watching with your cocoa,
With those things that have not been said,
You might think you have been misled.

And what is missed is quite plain for,
Trump’s tweeted on them all before,
But now most seem not to exist –
You’ll notice if you are not p*ssed!

No Russian scandal, healthcare’s good,
Chinese behaving as they should;
That Kim Jong Un’s friends with us all,
And it’s all just great with the wall.

So what are we to make of this,
As Trump seeks to the Press dismiss,
And fool folk with selective news,
Picked out according to his views?

In politics this isn’t new,
It’s what they always want to do,
But leaders seldom have such grip,
Except in a dictatorship.

PYONGBANG!

US Thaad Missile

It is reported that North Korea (DPRK) launched its first Intercontinental Ballistic Missile (ICBM) on US Independence Day.

Here in the old DPRK,
We know it’s Independence Day,
That’s not for us but the US,
And we might cause them some distress.

We fired off our ICBM,
It was this time not aimed at them,
But they can calculate like we,
That though it landed in the sea,
It’s powerful enough to reach,
The West Coast but not yet Palm Beach.

So at this time Trump need not care,
That we can nuke his club out there,
It’s really just a bit too far,
So he’ll be quite safe in the bar.

But very soon we will improve,
Then Donald Trump will have to move,
If he wants to stay out of range,
Of any future nuke exchange.

But now our leader, Kim Jong Un,
Who has these missiles just for fun,
Extends the hand of friendship to,
All others with a bad hairdo.

Of course Kim is the leading light,
But wonders if The Trump just might,
Join in now as his number two,
’Cos he has got the bad hair too.

This club’s exclusive that’s a fact,
And membership requires some tact,
But he has shown as has Kim III,
How tactful both of them can be.

They can make war, discuss all things,
Avoiding any crash landings,
But what would really be unfair,
Is mentioning the other’s hair!

THIN SKINNED

Trump angry

It is reported that Donald Trump has said that he does not want his planned state visit to the UK to take place if there might be demonstrations or protests.

One small problem for Mrs May,
Now that she’s past election day,
Is how to deal with Donald Trump,
And whether she should try to bump,
The President off his planned tour –
The one she offered him before.

She’s other things now on her plate –
Brexit for one at any rate –
And she’d be better to be free,
Of still yet more controversy.

But Trump now waded in last night,
And said if anything might blight,
His state visit like an affray,
Then he would want to stay away.

Protests and demos are so bad,
That though he’d be in armour clad,
It might look bad on prime TV,
And his spin doctors do agree.

So since some protests likely will
Occur this should the visit kill;
Arrangements likely will be binned,
Because The Trump is so thin-skinned.

If this is so for Mrs May,
The problem might have gone away,
But she must carefully this spin,
So protesters don’t seem to win.

CLIMATE CHANGE DISASTER

earth-216834_960_720

It is reported that Donald Trump has withdrawn the United States from the Paris Climate Change Accord to the apparent horror of the rest of the world.

“Now listen well, I’m Donald Trump,
And I’m afraid we have to dump,
This Paris climate thing which we,
Signed up to but must now be free.

The whole damn thing is all a hoax,
And will result in many folks,
Losing their jobs which is so bad,
And makes both them and me so mad.

Some say the problem’s caused by coal,
And it should not now have a rôle,
In the world as it does today;
But to these people I say, “Hey!
For me that is an ask too tough,
’Cos we’ve got mountains of the stuff.

The coal is sitting there for free,
So with a bit of help from me,
We’ll get to work, will dig and blast,
And it’s just tough if you’re aghast.

And then there’s fracking – jolly good –
We would do much more if we could,
But nothing you can do or say,
Will make the fracking go away.”

But others say, “You are a fool!
What you are doing is not cool.
And when it’s too late you will find,
That you’re consigning humankind,
To an uncertain future where,
They really won’t know what to wear.

For temperatures will be extreme,
Humidity from drought to teem,
Which means the only thing of use,
Although it might now sound obtuse,
Will be a brolly I’m afraid,
Which also can be a sunshade.”

But Trump replied, “I do not care,
About the moisture in the air,
Because right now my one main goal:
To have the miners dig the coal.

But when all that is underway,
And ere the onset of Doomsday,
Your kind advice I’ll not forget,
And p’rhaps a few umbrellas get!”