steel mll 1568604_960_720

It is reported that Donald Trump plans to impose punitive tariffs of 25% on steel and 10% on aluminium imported into the United States, and the European Union has announced severe retaliation plans.

It’s been announced that Trump has plans,
For metals used in cars and cans,
To soon be taxed at higher rates,
When they reach the United States.

He says that they are under threat,
For Chinese steel producers let,
Their factories now produce too much,
Of steel for cars and cans and such.

And since this steel cannot be used,
He says that rules have been abused,
As they then tons of metal dump,
Upon the land of Donald Trump.

But Trump’s taxation plan is wide,
And will affect much more beside,
As special steels used for defence,
Are taxed which makes a bit less sense.

These taxes affect the EU,
So they’re now getting upset too,
And so henceforward from today,
They say that Trump will have to pay.

“For tax like this we will not stand,
But as well as a reprimand,
We are intending to impose,
A higher import tax on those,
Products which we’ve come to expect,
Will have the maximum effect.

We’ve thought a lot, done studies too,
On what might cause most harm to you;
And the best option from these facts,
Will be a peanut butter tax!

A tax like this is very wise,
Applies to jars of any size,
And whether smooth or with a crunch,
It will affect most any lunch.

But here in Brussels EU staff,
Think peanut butter’s pretty naff;
With Michelin starred food each day,
They never eat it anyway.”




It is reported that The Government has said that we will return to the traditional blue British passports after leaving the European Union.

The British passport once was blue,
A lovely, quite distinctive hue,
And people brandished it with pride,
As they flew off to the seaside.

’Twas an impressive work of art,
With coat of arms extremely smart,
And with instructions – what to do –
For foreigners who might meet you.

It said they had to let you pass,
So they should up and shift their ass –
That’s not a donkey which is sat,
Though I suppose it could be that.

But then we joined the EEC,
And we were told we had to be,
Content with one in darkest red,
A different colour, then, instead.

The donkey bit, though, was retained,
Made waterproof in case it rained,
And then the name of the EU,
Was fixed upon the front with glue.

But now some decades further on,
Preparing for when we’ll be gone,
It looks like red will be no more,
And back will come what went before.

So for dark blue now give a cheer,
For it to all our hearts is dear,
It once again will be the norm –
One outcome of the Brexit storm!



It is reported that Theresa May and the European Commission thought they had reached agreement on the Irish border conundrum but it seems nobody asked the DUP.

I’m not intending to explain,
(For that would just create more pain,)
What was said and maybe was not,
Both in and out of earshot,
About the Irish border which,
In Brexit’s something of a glitch.

Too many people think they’ve got,
A veto and so the upshot.
Is, frankly, no-one will agree,
How border travel can be free.

And these demands that some maintain,
Are very different (not the same),
And no-one’s even slightly wise,
And hence prepared to compromise.

So all these circles can’t be squared,
With some of the pain being shared;
In fact, no-one at all would budge,
So this last draft was just a fudge.

On the EU side this seemed fine,
They do these fudges all the time;
But harder heads were now at play,
Who found out and to their dismay,
When they discovered what was writ,
They all had a collective fit.

The detail I will not repeat,
So trouble not to take your seat;
But I say this because it’s clear:
There isn’t even a veneer,
Of common sense in what’s been said,
So no basis to go ahead.

What happens next we can but guess,
There might be more dismay, not less,
But I hope in the future tense,
We might see some more common sense.

At least The Donald’s not involved,
He might think this a problem solved;
But Ireland wouldn’t build a wall,
They’d not want that at all at all.



It is reported that biscuit manufacturers are having to bake their products at lower temperatures so as to reduce acrylamide levels in accordance with EU (what else?) regulations.

Biscuits are well-established food,
So changing them might seem quite rude,
But the EU has handed down,
New rules that say they are too brown.

So bakers have to take some flak –
Though less than if they were all black –
For in the past they haven’t tried,
Reducing the acrylamide.

This compound is, you might have guessed,
For people’s health not quite the best,
And it is made, as like as not,
When flour and starch is baked too hot.

So biscuits should be baked quite cool,
Max hundred twenty is the rule,
But this then means what goes on sale,
Can sometimes look a trifle pale.

While disconcerting this might be,
When dunked, or not, into your tea,
You really do not need to fret,
That ’twill disintegrate when wet.

For bakers have now got it licked,
And at the temperature that’s picked,
They simply close the oven door,
And let them bake for some time more.

The biscuits, then, are nice and crithp,
Said with or without any lithp,
And so they will still always be,
OK for dunking in your tea!



It is reported that, following Theresa May’s meeting with EU leaders last week, several are almost falling over themselves to say what good progress has been made and that a no deal Brexit is unimaginable.

So back to Brexit. What a treat!
Not much has happened that’s concrete,
Since talking started months ago,
And got bogged down on what we owe.

This was a quite enormous bill,
Which would the EU coffers fill,
While we, avoiding tempers frayed,
Just simply want to talk on trade.

So, last week, with consummate grace,
Our polite PM played her ace,
And said we would start to prepare,
For what some see as a nightmare,
Which is we leave, not having made,
Agreement on the terms for trade.

It seems, now, common sense has dawned,
And in the other leaders spawned,
Comments so positive that they,
A very different view portray,
Than what old Michel Barnier,
Has had to express day by day.

So Merkel said talks had been good,
While Juncker said all parties should,
Conclude a trade deal ’cos he’d hate,
Alternatives to contemplate.

And Donald Tusk, the Pole in charge,
Proclaimed that, really, by and large,
Reports of deadlock were too great –
Some had sought to exaggerate.

Of leaders there was only one –
The little French Napoleon –
Who still stuck to his former view,
And wanted just to Britain screw.

And Michel Barnier, in a rage,
Was clearly on a different page,
Perhaps because his former words,
Have now been made to look absurd.

So three loud cheers for Mrs May,
For she did pretty well that day,
She’a moved things on a bit, I think,
And all because she didn’t blink!


Wine red

It is reported that European Commissioners are travelling extravagantly and being paid expenses without having to submit receipts.

So what is new? This is folklore,
And we have heard it all before;
The leaders of the great EU,
Have always known just what to do,
To travel in the way that’s best,
No matter North, South, East or West.

So when they fly they travel first,
Which means their leg-room’s more dispersed,
And though there is Champagne on tap,
There’s that bit more room for a nap.

But sometimes first class is too plain,
So they might want to think again,
And since there’s still more money yet,
They might quite like a private jet.

Now private jets do not come cheap,
And though the EU’s pockets deep,
They’re struggling now to pay the fare,
To keep their people in the air.

So what to do? The cash is short,
And still more tickets must be bought;
Perhaps they could tell Mrs May,
In Brexit she will have to pay.

A hundred billion might do,
The UK paying isn’t new,
So they will know just how to send,
The money for them all to spend.

The Brits will doubtless moan and bitch,
And go on endlessly ’bout which,
Clause in the treaty says that they,
Have anything at all to pay.

They’ll say the figure is too high,
But you know just as well as I,
That if your spending at their rate,
A hundred billion isn’t great!

Image – Les Haines / Flickr


Banana Dolphins

It is reported that bananas should be peeled starting at the non-stalk end.

Bananas come, bananas go,
But one thing that you ought to know,
When opening one is your intent,
No matter be it straight or bent,
Is from which end you ought to peel,
So to prepare it for your meal.

Now monkeys, ’cos they’re very smart,
All know at which end they should start;
It’s not the stalk end that they choose,
Instead the other one they use.

So we should take our cue from them,
No longer starting at the stem,
Then as we do prepare our treat,
Our enjoyment will be complete.

And so that we will peel this way,
You ought to know ’til Brexit day,
Procedures for this simple chore,
Will be enshrined in EU law.