HOW TO PEEL A BANANA

Banana Dolphins

It is reported that bananas should be peeled starting at the non-stalk end.

Bananas come, bananas go,
But one thing that you ought to know,
When opening one is your intent,
No matter be it straight or bent,
Is from which end you ought to peel,
So to prepare it for your meal.

Now monkeys, ’cos they’re very smart,
All know at which end they should start;
It’s not the stalk end that they choose,
Instead the other one they use.

So we should take our cue from them,
No longer starting at the stem,
Then as we do prepare our treat,
Our enjoyment will be complete.

And so that we will peel this way,
You ought to know ’til Brexit day,
Procedures for this simple chore,
Will be enshrined in EU law.

FROTTER LEUR NEZ DEDANS

May 09 Macron

It is reported that Emmanuel Macron, the new French President elect, entered his first speech engagement to the music of Ode to Joy, the anthem of the European Union, rather than La Marseillaise as might have been expected.

Macron’s just beaten Ms Le Pen,
The leader of right-wing FN,
Which said it would stand up for the,
Country against the EEC.

Most people were quite keen on this,
Have tendencies quite nationalist,
And would have voted for Le Pen,
If she’d not been in the FN,
With all it’s dark unpleasant past,
At which they mostly were aghast.

They voted therefore for Macron,
So the conclusion was foregone,
He certainly was not a slob,
But just the best of a bad job.

One might have thought then when he won,
The first thing that he might have done,
Would be to show that he was smart,
And had the people’s France at heart.

But no! As he made to address,
His first meeting you’d never guess,
The music played was Ode to Joy,
Quite likely therefore to annoy,
Those folk not wanting to stargaze,
And who preferred La Marseillaise.

So this was Macron’s first mistake,
For though he did the most votes take,
They only voted for him then,
Because they didn’t like FN.

So now he really must take care,
With demonstrations in the air,
He should be careful how he goes,
And not to get up people’s nose!

Ecole Polytechnique Université / Flickr

JACKBOOTS AT DAWN?

Jackboots

It is reported that the Europeans have been making critical, unhelpful and probably inaccurate briefings following a dinner at No 10 with the Prime Minister.

You will have seen that Mrs May,
Was furious all yesterday,
And so she thought she’d better speak,
About the happenings of last week.

The acrimony started when,
Post dinner held at Number Ten,
The Europeans dared to say,
That the PM had lost her way.

They said she off her trolley was,
And they knew this for sure because,
When their demands to her were put,
She muttered something like ‘tut tut’.

And when they said that Mrs May,
Would have a hefty bill to pay,
And she asked them how much it was,
They said they couldn’t say because,
Although they’d worked it out before,
By now it had gone up some more.

The dinner over, off they went,
To make some trouble their intent,
And so with their jack-booted ma’am,
They set about to do some harm.

So leaks appeared both thick and fast –
We’ve seen a few but not the last –
And then the Germans waded in,
With statements not devoid of spin.

While this might not be quite the norm,
The Germans nonetheless have form,
And know how to a country fleece,
As recently they did to Greece.

So May then off the handle flew,
Said, “This behaviour will not do!
And when our people have a vote,
You better hadn’t rock the boat!”

Back home it didn’t take too long,
For Mrs Sturgeon’s Scottish tongue,
To say behind a concerned face,
That Mrs May was a disgrace.

“You cannot talk to them this way,
Or else there will be hell to pay,
And such rudeness just has to be,
A technique that’s reserved for me!”

Image – Spera.de Designershuhe / Flickr

NO NO FOR AN ANSWER

Nicola Sturgeon

It is reported that Nicola Sturgeon has announced that she will insist on a second independence referendum in 2018 and is determined to keep Scotland in the single market if the UK leaves despite repeated warnings from the EU that this will not be possible.

Just when things had been put to bed,
Again up pops the ugly head,
Of that party, the SNP,
Insisting on terms that can’t be.

A secret press conf’rence took place,
At which Ms S produced her ace,
And stated once again her aims,
But she was soon shot down in flames.

“If Britain leaves,” she had to say,
“Then Scotland will be sure to stay,
And we will then secure be,
Remaining in the EEC.

I’m sad it has to be this way,
It’s all the fault of Mrs May,
For she ignores me when I speak,
Which surely is a blood cheek!”

But other countries, mainly Spain,
Said, “Oh no, it’s not her again!
We’ve told this woman twice before,
So she should understand the score:
If Britain leaves it’s not so swell,
But Scotland has to go as well.

And if she thinks she’ll get back in,
After a referendum win,
She really ought to listen well,
’Cos she’s not got a hope in hell!”

So maybe this is good advice,
She really ought to take it twice,
Diplomacy is what she lacks,
When dealing with the Sassenachs.

Image – Vimeo

BREXIT BRUISER

brexit-gove

In this last week we’ve had a stream,
Of EU leaders being mean,
“So what is new?” I hear you say,
“It’s much like that most every day.”

Perhaps it is but now we’re out,
They may soon be consumed by doubt,
Re Britain’s exit from their club,
And so therein may lie the rub.

For as they start to do their sums,
Assessing various outcomes,
Perhaps on them it starts to dawn,
That Britain in this way reborn,
Could do quite well, come out the best,
At least compared to all the rest.

They don’t like this, no not at all,
So several countries, big and small,
Are threatening in concerted way,
To make things tough for the UK.

“We’ll do you down,” they say with scorn,
“And will be in your side a thorn.
Now you’re no longer on the bus,
Don’t think that you can trade with us.”

But Mrs May has kept her cool,
She likes to do so as a rule,
“You’ll have to trade with us,” she says,
“Because there are so many ways,
That we do now, I think you’ll find,
And all are very intertwined.

Just being awkward does no good –
I hope I’m not misunderstood –
So come discuss our plans today,
Or by next Easter anyway.”

The others say, “We are not sure,
If that approach we can endure.
The principle is what now counts,
And we don’t care if the amounts,
Of cars and wine and cheese and more,
Exporters send to Britain’s shore,
Will be less than they were of old –
Our companies do as they’re told.

The principle that we will use,
So that our voters we confuse,
Is that our people have to see,
That Britain is worse off than we.

It is important to deceive,
The people so they’ll all believe,
That if they want to leave as well,
Their lives thereafter will be hell.

It matters not if it’s not true,
Our people do not have a clue,
And if needs be we’ll play our ace –
Cut off our nose to spite our face.”

Image – http://www.spectator.co.uk

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BRUSSELS BASHER

Hungarian Prime Minister Orban addresses journalists during a press briefing at the European Parliament in Strasbourg

Afraid it’s EU time again,
And hope it doesn’t inflict pain,
But this week’s Slovak meeting seems,
Not to have helped the Euro dreams.

There’s Brexit first, they must have talked,
And Jean-Claude Juncker says they balked,
At all the UK might desire,
So there is more fat in the fire.

It’s difficult, though, to believe,
That Juncker could in fact achieve,
Consent of every member state,
On points concerning Britain’s fate.

So take this with a pinch of salt,
He’s probably been on the malt,
And posturing like this I think,
Must mean he is the worse for drink.

But elsewhere what did we find out?
Well, Mr Renzi tried to flout,
Convention by refusing to,
Stand there with leaders one and two,
Because he said they were inept,
And so could not their views accept.

By one and two of course I mean,
The hausfrau and that French has-been,
Who think that they can run the show,
Now Britain has got up to go.

With Britain soon out of the way,
Have Brussels bashers had their day?

You may think so but you’d be wrong,
Because it hasn’t taken long,
For our replacement to emerge,
And likely to become the scourge,
Of Brussels and it’s well-paid chums,
By battering their eardrums.

It’s Viktor Orban who extolls,
With some support from Czechs and Poles,
The virtue of the nation state,
Which Brussels always likes to hate.

He’s been warned not to rock the boat,
For the EU must stay afloat,
And it he does not toe the line,
It could be scuppered anytime.

But Orban is, it seems to me,
Not like to bow or bend the knee,
At this instruction from on high.
Instead he’ll look them in the eye,
Their entreaties will be rebuffed,
And then he’ll tell them to get stuffed.

Image – uk.reuters.com

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REVOLEUTION

napoleon-cartoon

The EEC is in a mess,
For reasons not so hard to guess,
Some think their leaders just don’t care,
And there are migrants everywhere.

As well as this the euro’s not,
Done anything to stop the rot,
In fact it’s really made things worse –
The worst thing in the universe.

The Germans sit there – they are fine,
But southern states producing wine,
Can’t sell their products though they try,
’Cos the exchange rate is too high.

And ’cos of this there is no work,
For people though they do not shirk,
And finances far from the plan,
Are quickly going down the pan.

The EU leaders won’t accept,
They have done something so inept,
And this is why they’re out of touch –
They simply do not listen much.

So voters all throughout their lands,
Most used to sitting on their hands,
Are rising up now to object,
To unelected power unchecked.

They want to have a bigger say,
In how they’re ruled from day to day,
But the response from on high’s “Yes!
You must have more Europe, not less.”

If this goes on folk will rebel,
The Brits have gone, said, “What the hell!”
But if the French should start revolt,
It may come like a thunderbolt.

For they might just start civil war,
Something that they have done before;
The French are experts in this field,
Will single out the ones well-heeled,
So one precaution they should take,
Is not to ever mention cake.

Image – http://www.lancerlibrary.org

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