Wine red

It is reported that European Commissioners are travelling extravagantly and being paid expenses without having to submit receipts.

So what is new? This is folklore,
And we have heard it all before;
The leaders of the great EU,
Have always known just what to do,
To travel in the way that’s best,
No matter North, South, East or West.

So when they fly they travel first,
Which means their leg-room’s more dispersed,
And though there is Champagne on tap,
There’s that bit more room for a nap.

But sometimes first class is too plain,
So they might want to think again,
And since there’s still more money yet,
They might quite like a private jet.

Now private jets do not come cheap,
And though the EU’s pockets deep,
They’re struggling now to pay the fare,
To keep their people in the air.

So what to do? The cash is short,
And still more tickets must be bought;
Perhaps they could tell Mrs May,
In Brexit she will have to pay.

A hundred billion might do,
The UK paying isn’t new,
So they will know just how to send,
The money for them all to spend.

The Brits will doubtless moan and bitch,
And go on endlessly ’bout which,
Clause in the treaty says that they,
Have anything at all to pay.

They’ll say the figure is too high,
But you know just as well as I,
That if your spending at their rate,
A hundred billion isn’t great!

Image – Les Haines / Flickr


Duck House

MP’s expenses in the news,
As one MP sets out his views,
Which are, “Receipts? A waste of time!
So we need a new paradigm.

We shouldn’t have to show receipts,
As if we’re just a bunch of cheats,
For just a monthly charge will do,
And really very nicely too.

It really will save lots of time,
Which we can then spend drinking wine,
In fact my plan is really swell,
’Cos it can pay for that as well.”

But other MPs were aghast,
“Excuse us,” they said, “not so fast.
It isn’t long since we got caught,
Claiming for things we did not ought.

Like duck houses and cleaning moats,
Cruises we took on ships and boats,
And kitchens new, antiques quite old,
Plus jewellery in solid gold.
It’s stuff like this and other things,
That criticism of us brings.

Our voters’ views would be so dim,
Election prospects rather slim,
And not to beat about the bush,
We’d probably all get the push.

So let us not be bad but good,
Claim only things we rightly should,
For if we don’t the people fleece,
They might just leave us all in peace.”

Photo – the

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