THIN SKINNED

Trump angry

It is reported that Donald Trump has said that he does not want his planned state visit to the UK to take place if there might be demonstrations or protests.

One small problem for Mrs May,
Now that she’s past election day,
Is how to deal with Donald Trump,
And whether she should try to bump,
The President off his planned tour –
The one she offered him before.

She’s other things now on her plate –
Brexit for one at any rate –
And she’d be better to be free,
Of still yet more controversy.

But Trump now waded in last night,
And said if anything might blight,
His state visit like an affray,
Then he would want to stay away.

Protests and demos are so bad,
That though he’d be in armour clad,
It might look bad on prime TV,
And his spin doctors do agree.

So since some protests likely will
Occur this should the visit kill;
Arrangements likely will be binned,
Because The Trump is so thin-skinned.

If this is so for Mrs May,
The problem might have gone away,
But she must carefully this spin,
So protesters don’t seem to win.

DIDN’T HE DO WELL? … OR MAYBE NOT

Jeremy Corbyn cartoon

It is reported that in the recent general election Jeremy Corbyn did really well ….. but his party came second and he got the job of Leader of the Opposition.

So Mrs May was not so wise,
And rightly do we criticise,
The way that she ran her campaign,
Which was quite dreadful in the main.

Her campaign really was the pits,
Most will agree, no buts no ifs,
And she quite managed to deplete,
The compliment of Tory seats.

But Corbyn on the other hand,
Is praised now all throughout the land,
Because he did so very well,
… Although maybe it’s hard to tell.

He bribed young people – no more fees,
The oldies wanting fuel please,
Free childcare after which he feels,
Kids all should get their free school meals.

But even with all this and more,
He really, truly failed to score,
He knew Ms May was in a spin,
But even then he couldn’t win!

THE INQUEST

#juniordoctorsstrike Jeremy Corbyn

It is reported that the general election has finished and the Conservatives fared badly.

At times like this is isn’t long,
Before it’s asked, ‘What did go wrong?’
And yesterday folk did ask that,
In just about five minutes flat.

The journalists all give their views,
Which get reported in the news,
And others also ask why they,
Have been let down by Mrs May.

The reason’s complex, I would say,
But principally Mrs May,
Judged that she was so far ahead,
That if to people she now said,
She’d not their winter fuel pay,
They wouldn’t have a place to stray.

Then secondly the PM feels,
That she should end their free school meals,
And finally if people find,
That they are going off their mind,
Then it is really only fair,
That they themselves should pay for care.

This upset folk so very much,
That Tories were kicked into touch,
And then to make things all the worse,
J Corbyn opened up his purse,
And set about to buy their vote,
With lots of things that we might note.

Free childcare – please ignore the cost –
The lock on pensions won’t be lost,
And if you go to uni-v,
Then your tuition will be free.

So ‘Vote for me,’ you heard him say,
And not for Tory Mrs May,
And we’ll be sure to guarantee,
That everything you want is free!

DIS-MAY

Downing St sign

It is reported that voting in the 2017 general election has ended.

I’m sitting here with glass in hand,
Not sure who will soon rule the land,
With Mr Corbyn, Mrs May,
Both hoping they have won today.

The exit poll seems to suggest,
That no party has passed the test,
But by around half two or three,
The outcome could quite different be.

It’s now just gone eleven o’clock,
And forecasts could be all to cock;
We wait results with open mouth:
Newcastle and Sunderland South.

These two are first to do the count,
And as they do the tensions mount,
Because the numbers that they quote,
Predict the outcome of the vote.

And here it comes: a Labour win,
They always do, no need for spin,
And the forecast based on this first:
It’s not clear who should fear the worst.

So ten results by now are in,
And parties are still in a spin,
’Cos though things are a bit improved,
The UKIP vote has been removed,
But spread between the other two,
And which just might the outcome skew.

As things continued through the night,
Results came in as it got light,
With votes lost to a large degree,
By UKIP and the SNP.

But while people went off to bed,
More of them turned not blue but red,
And by the morning it was plain,
That Labour made the biggest gain,
And Mrs May was badly stung,
With Parliament for certain hung.

So with this mess what can we do?
Somebody has to rule but who?
An answer now will take some time –
And quite a few bottles of wine!

GENERAL ELECTION

Polling Station

It is reported that there is a general election tomorrow.

Campaigning’s almost at an end,
After six weeks of earbend,
As politicians to a man*,
Try to recruit you as a fan.

Campaigning has been rather odd,
Each leader out there on his* tod,
And ministers kept far away,
For fear of what they might all say.

There’ve been exceptions – Abbott, Di. –
Descending sometimes from on high,
To say that we need more police,
And they’re just thirty quid apiece.

Their reasoning is fairly plain:
The Tories thought that they would gain,
With Mrs May out to the fore,
Attracting votes as not before.

And Labour who thought they’d no hope,
Just wanted to stick their chief dope,
In front of cameras on his own,
So when he had the whole thing blown,
They’d say it really was a shame,
But everyone knew who to blame.

And then of him they might get shot,
Replace him with some sort of bot,
And then they’d hope in prose or rhyme,
To have some better luck next time.

But half-way through things went awry,
When manifestoes one could buy,
And then it seemed that Mrs May,
Might possibly have had her day.

While Mr Corbyn, dear old soul,
Found that he did enjoy his rôle,
And as the days passed he could see,
A surge in popularity.

So as we reach election day,
With everything now back in play,
We’ll have to see who got it right –
We’ll find out on election night.

* or woman
* or her

Image – Secretlondon123

INDEPENDENCE SHELVED?

Saltire clouds

It is reported that the SNP has published its general election manifesto with scarcely a mention of independence.

The SNP, I think you’ll find,
Has always had a one-track mind,
As “Independence!” they all shout,
“We’re all determined to get out!”

So it came as a big surprise,
And I could scarce believe my eyes,
To see their manifesto was,
Not mentioning the subject ’cos,
With my rather high intellect,
That isn’t what I would expect.

So why, I wondered, could this be,
What does it mean for you and me?
And since it does affect the state,
Perhaps we should investigate.

The reason wasn’t hard to find,
’Cos recent polls were not so kind,
And found of Scotsmen* there were more,
Wanting to stay than did before.

So independence disappears,
As the general election nears,
And Mrs Sturgeon, who is boss,
Has really had to cut her loss,
To keep the SNP afloat,
And not to lose too many votes.

But I’twill come back some later time,
As I’ll report back then in rhyme,
And until then we’ll have respite,
Although it may be rather slight,
’Cos while Miss Sturgeon’s in the fray,
The damned thing will not go away.

* and Scotswomen

Image – Derek Lee