WORST FOOT FORWARD

Juncker 2

It is reported that Jean-Claude Juncker has given a speech to the European Parliament in which he painted a picture of a United States of Europe, saying that both Britain and Europe would regret Brexit and he would surely make certain that they would. With friends like this who needs ….

So Jean-Claude Juncker’s on fine form,
Now threatening, as is the norm,
That after Brexit – that’s a sin –
The sky will soon be falling in.

Brexit is bad, he’ll make it worse,
Will bring to bear the Euro curse,
And when it is all said and done,
The other states will all be one.

These others left will toe the line,
For not to do would be a sign,
Of disobedience which would,
For Juncker’s future not be good.

So members will lose their vetoes,
And will be forced to accept those,
New rules and regs and such whatnot,
Whether it’s good for them or not.

But now the highlight of his speech:
He would force rather than beseech,
All countries that have not yet joined,
The Euro with its notes and coins,
To join up quick without delay,
Which means to do it right away.

No matter ’twas a German trick,
Which worked ’cos people were so thick;
It’s right now to the zone enlarge,
With friendly Germans still in charge.

They will command us what to do,
They’re good at that as you all knew,
But will they keep us in the pink?
Well, you should have another think!

They’ll watch the money like a hawk,
If you want some they’re bound to balk,
And now that the die has been cast,
They’re running everything at last.

They’ve always wanted it that way,
So only they can have their say,
And if some should try to resist,
On points asking them to desist,
If you think back to days of yore,
That’s really all been tried before.

It didn’t work then and won’t now,
Will lead to one almighty row;
This is for them sine qua non,
And by then Juncker will be gone.

So how might all of this pan out?
The Germans, who have lots of clout,
Will doubtless want themselves to psych,
And might just call it the Fourth ….

Image – dw.com

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MORE EUROS PLEASE

Wine red

It is reported that European Commissioners are travelling extravagantly and being paid expenses without having to submit receipts.

So what is new? This is folklore,
And we have heard it all before;
The leaders of the great EU,
Have always known just what to do,
To travel in the way that’s best,
No matter North, South, East or West.

So when they fly they travel first,
Which means their leg-room’s more dispersed,
And though there is Champagne on tap,
There’s that bit more room for a nap.

But sometimes first class is too plain,
So they might want to think again,
And since there’s still more money yet,
They might quite like a private jet.

Now private jets do not come cheap,
And though the EU’s pockets deep,
They’re struggling now to pay the fare,
To keep their people in the air.

So what to do? The cash is short,
And still more tickets must be bought;
Perhaps they could tell Mrs May,
In Brexit she will have to pay.

A hundred billion might do,
The UK paying isn’t new,
So they will know just how to send,
The money for them all to spend.

The Brits will doubtless moan and bitch,
And go on endlessly ’bout which,
Clause in the treaty says that they,
Have anything at all to pay.

They’ll say the figure is too high,
But you know just as well as I,
That if your spending at their rate,
A hundred billion isn’t great!

Image – Les Haines / Flickr

MANDARINS AT FIFTY PACES

santa-clausJuncker

It is reported that Jean Claude Juncker, speaking in French, has given a speech in Italy claiming that the English language is in decline. Strangely, a man dressed as Father Christmas was standing just behind him.

That Jean Claude Juncker is a pain,
And now he’s in the news again,
Proclaiming between sips of wine,
That English is in slow decline.

He must have wanted to impress,
As someone wearing fancy dress,
Stood just behind him as he spoke,
Clad top to toe in Santa’s cloak.

The reason for this wasn’t clear,
But maybe he spoke in his ear,
To tell him what he ought to say,
To irritate our Mrs May.

But anyway I do digress,
Distracted by the Christmas dress,
So back now to the point in hand,
Which does seem hard to understand.

He said that he in French would speak,
To people there including Greek,
So if that’s wise we’ll have to see –
He was in fact in Italy.

His speech seemed inclined to annoy,
Just like a naughty little boy,
Who having talked to Mrs May,
Found that he couldn’t get his way.

But back to language, he should know,
The earth’s most popular lingo,
Is Mandarin which Chinese speak,
So maybe he’ll insist next week,
That Brexit talks which will be long,
Must be held in the Chinese tongue.

This odd suggestion from a clown,
Might possibly just slow things down,
And if proposed to Mrs May,
Is likely to be blown away.

But first she’ll seek FO advice,
Like whether it means eating rice,
Or whether talks in Mandarin,
Might be more difficult to spin.

But in all this my greatest fear,
Is their advice might not be clear,
And in reply to Mrs May,
They might well get confused and say:
“We really don’t know what you mean,
This is a type of tangerine!”

Image – European People’s Party / Flickr & anr

JACKBOOTS AT DAWN?

Jackboots

It is reported that the Europeans have been making critical, unhelpful and probably inaccurate briefings following a dinner at No 10 with the Prime Minister.

You will have seen that Mrs May,
Was furious all yesterday,
And so she thought she’d better speak,
About the happenings of last week.

The acrimony started when,
Post dinner held at Number Ten,
The Europeans dared to say,
That the PM had lost her way.

They said she off her trolley was,
And they knew this for sure because,
When their demands to her were put,
She muttered something like ‘tut tut’.

And when they said that Mrs May,
Would have a hefty bill to pay,
And she asked them how much it was,
They said they couldn’t say because,
Although they’d worked it out before,
By now it had gone up some more.

The dinner over, off they went,
To make some trouble their intent,
And so with their jack-booted ma’am,
They set about to do some harm.

So leaks appeared both thick and fast –
We’ve seen a few but not the last –
And then the Germans waded in,
With statements not devoid of spin.

While this might not be quite the norm,
The Germans nonetheless have form,
And know how to a country fleece,
As recently they did to Greece.

So May then off the handle flew,
Said, “This behaviour will not do!
And when our people have a vote,
You better hadn’t rock the boat!”

Back home it didn’t take too long,
For Mrs Sturgeon’s Scottish tongue,
To say behind a concerned face,
That Mrs May was a disgrace.

“You cannot talk to them this way,
Or else there will be hell to pay,
And such rudeness just has to be,
A technique that’s reserved for me!”

Image – Spera.de Designershuhe / Flickr

DRUNKER JUNCKER

juncker-and-wine

It is alleged, most people think,
Claude Juncker can be worse for drink,
It’s said at breakfast he wolfs down,
A cognac in his dressing gown.

These allegations are denied,
As Juncker tries his drink to hide,
But in a recent interview,
Although he didn’t need the loo,
It is reported he did deign,
To drink four glasses of champagne.

As well as this some folk have seen,
When he has greeting people been,
That he seems wobbly on his pins,
As if he’s just been on the Pimm’s.

The EU leaders, it is true,
Are not quite sure what they should do,
They know all this but cannot say,
’Cos Juncker is in charge today.

So they all just turn a blind eye,
Hoping that this some time will buy,
They pray that God will intervene,
When Claude is on the TV screen.

He could make sure he stands up straight,
When he is in a drunken state,
And if he has been in a fight,
Perhaps He’ll keep him out of sight.

But now another bit of news,
For Claude has been expressing views,
And wants an army he can lead,
So this is serious indeed.

An army under his control,
Including soldiers French and Pole,
Might make him rather less inclined,
To do nought when he is maligned.

He might take action more direct,
Which could seem bad in retrospect,
So maybe they’ll arrange a coup,
And we can bid the man “Adieu”.

Image – berlin-athen.eu

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