NOT FOR MANY, JUST A FEW

Corbyn 576px-Official_portrait_of_Jeremy_Corbyn_crop_2

It is reported that while Jeremy Corbyn at the Labour Party Conference backs pay rises of 5% for workers and attacks ‘fat cat salaries’ for bosses, some of his closest aides are getting pay increases of more than 25% and Labour’s director of communications has been awarded a pay rise which takes his salary to over £100,000 per year.

The Labour Party’s claim to fame,
As is suggested by its name,
Is to look after workers that,
Wear hats that often can be flat.

They say that they will get more pay,
By striking or some other way,
And so to help to pay the rent,
They will campaign for five percent.

But Labour leaders and their staff,
Think five percent is rather naff,
And so they themselves now award,
Increases that are untoward.

A quarter seems to be the norm,
But such amount should cause a storm,
For while these few will get a lot,
Flat caps will definitely not.

So should we be surprised? P’rhaps not;
Most folk would give themselves a lot,
While those they claim to represent,
Will, in the end, see their intent,
Is to the flat cap workers con,
While they look after number one!

Image – Chris McAndrew / Wikimedia Commons

FIRST CLASS MA’AM

queen-63006_960_720

It is reported that Jeremy Corbyn wants people working for the BBC to declare their class.

It was back in the days of yore,
That everybody knew the score,
And upper, middle, lower class,
Defined the elite and the mass.

But now we’re in the modern age,
Where class is pretty hard to gauge,
And most folk think that this is good,
Removing bias as it should.

In means for more folk things are fair,
And that there are more places where,
They can join up or get a job,
And so get paid a few more bob.

But Corbyn says, “This is not right.
And class distinctions we must fight.
Equality is just a farse,
So everyone should state their cla-a-a-a-ass.

But where to start? The BBC,
Because they’re biased against me.
(Although a lot of folk would say,
They’re biased in the other way!)

And then for the rest of the pop.,
It’s best to start right at the top,
And work our way down until we,
Most everybody’s class can see.

So, “Morning, Ma’am, would you disclose,
In verse or even normal prose,
The class to which you do belong,
And please try not to get it wrong.””

FOR THE MANY, NOT THE JEW

Jeremy Corbyn CND Demo

It is reported that Jeremy Corbyn and the Labour Party are still being criticised over their anti Semitic policies.

I hadn’t planned to write on this,
’Cos I thought Labour would dismiss,
J Corbyn as their leader whose,
Thoughts are not clear in case of Jews.

But he’s still there, he rumbles on,
Beyond the date he should be gone,
And though some aspects can be dull,
The papers of this are still full.

He sits all day upon the fence,
His words still making little sense,
And it’s not clear why he won’t change,
In fact, it seems so very strange.

He’s had his chance and many more,
His head must now be rather sore,
And when folk say he should change tack,
It’s like rain off a duckling’s back.

But maybe slogans are to blame,
There are two pretty much the same,
With ‘For the many, not the few’,
Which should, perhaps, be ‘not the Jew’?

SECOND HOMES FOR THE HOMELESS?

Corbyn

It is reported that the Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn, speaking on the Andrew Marr show, has promised to buy eight thousand houses to give to the five thousand homeless people who sleep rough every night.

His generous nature knows no bounds,
As he proceeds to do the rounds,
Of TV studios each day,
With promises along the way.

Last time it was tuition fees,
Where he had come up with the wheeze,
Of cancelling all students’ debt,
Including those not started yet.

He didn’t know what it would cost,
But when he’d the election lost,
He did admit it was a lie,
For there weren’t funds with which to buy.

And now for people sleeping rough,
Because their lives are pretty tough,
He’s promising a house or flat,
And what could be so wrong with that?

Well, first, someone will have to pay,
From taxes raised day after day,
Then he shows with this property,
His extreme generosity.

Eight thousand homes he says he’ll buy,
And you’d be right to wonder why,
When only five thousand sleep rough,
Would fewer flats not be enough?

The only answer that makes sense,
(The maths but not the pounds and pence)
Is that these folk will mostly get,
A main house and a maisonette.

Alternatively, if not that,
Perhaps some other house or flat,
But either way, do not forget,
A house and a second home they’ll get.

But this is really too extreme,
It certainly seems far from mean,
And the cost would be rather high,
So could this be another lie?

NUMBERS, WHAT NUMBERS?

McDonnell John

It is reported that the Shadow Chancellor, John McDonnell, has poo-pooed the idea that he should discuss financial figures in interviews because he has ‘iPads and advisers to deal with that sort of thing’.

“Now when our party comes to power,
We will, for sure, within the hour,
Renationalise the rail and such,
And, really, it won’t cost too much.

That is because it will all pay,
As more workers go on their way,
And since I am not under oath,
I can say we’ll see lots of growth.

So that’s a ‘one-to-one return’,
Because more people work and earn,
And with the extra tax they pay,
It’s easy to the costs defray.”

“That sounds like nonsense, now to me,
Costs will rise exponentially,
So for our listeners at a loss,
Please tell them how much this will cost.”

“To ask me that just is not right,
It’s journalism rather trite,
And, in fact, it just makes me mad,
For I’ve advisors with iPad.

So I don’t need to know the figs,
And whether they are small or big;
The only thing you need to do,
Is listen when I say to you,
That though it sounds a bit oddball,
It won’t cost anything at all!

So do believe me when I say,
Things will work really well this way,
And if they don’t then it’s just tough –
I’m old and I have had enough.”

THE INQUEST

#juniordoctorsstrike Jeremy Corbyn

It is reported that the general election has finished and the Conservatives fared badly.

At times like this is isn’t long,
Before it’s asked, ‘What did go wrong?’
And yesterday folk did ask that,
In just about five minutes flat.

The journalists all give their views,
Which get reported in the news,
And others also ask why they,
Have been let down by Mrs May.

The reason’s complex, I would say,
But principally Mrs May,
Judged that she was so far ahead,
That if to people she now said,
She’d not their winter fuel pay,
They wouldn’t have a place to stray.

Then secondly the PM feels,
That she should end their free school meals,
And finally if people find,
That they are going off their mind,
Then it is really only fair,
That they themselves should pay for care.

This upset folk so very much,
That Tories were kicked into touch,
And then to make things all the worse,
J Corbyn opened up his purse,
And set about to buy their vote,
With lots of things that we might note.

Free childcare – please ignore the cost –
The lock on pensions won’t be lost,
And if you go to uni-v,
Then your tuition will be free.

So ‘Vote for me,’ you heard him say,
And not for Tory Mrs May,
And we’ll be sure to guarantee,
That everything you want is free!

ELECTION DAY!

Voting_in_Hackney

It is reported that there is a general election today. At last!

Hooray! Hooray!
Election Day!
May win, May lose,
It’s you who choose,
So get your coat,
Go out and vote,
And if tonight,
It comes out right,
Do not refrain,
From the Champagne.

Image – Alex Lee