PLEASE … PLEASE … PLEASE DON’T SHOOT THE MESSENGER

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It is reported that at Labour campaign events the leadership has been begging its supporters not to abuse journalists for asking questions.

Left wingers might not be much use,
But they are experts in abuse;
They are determined to condemn
You if you don’t agree with them.

A favourite target is the Press,
Who do not always answer ‘yes’,
And like to question – it’s their job –
Even surrounded by a mob.

So at events in this campaign.
Supporters were asked to refrain,
From booing at the questions asked,
And had they this instruction grasped?

Initially it seemed they had;
Behaviour started not too bad,
But habits which are old die hard,
A problem now in this regard.

For when it got to question three,
It seems the aforementioned plea,
Had been forgotten or ignored,
Or were they all just getting bored?

So it seems it is back to type,
And notwithstanding all the hype,
If with the Left you don’t agree,
Prepare then for the third degree.

FRIENDS, ROMANS, COUNTRYMEN, LEND ME YOUR VOTES

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It is reported that four (former) Labour MPs are urging people to vote Conservative at the general election as they say Jeremy Corbyn is a disgrace and unsuitable to be prime minister.

Elections come, elections go,
And it is not so hard to know,
Whom you should vote for on the day,
If you have always polled that way.

To illustrate what you should do,
If you are Labour through and through,
Then you should go there if you can,
And vote just for the Labour man.

But this time he (the Labour guy),
Is urging you to pass him by,
And vote for Boris (other side),
For Jeremy he does deride.

He says he should not be PM,
Not long-term or even pro-tem,
Because the damage he would do –
Bad for the many and the few –
Would be bad in all sorts of ways,
Based on the message he conveys.

So if you’re minded cast your vote,
So it’s least likely to promote,
The Labour leader to PM,
And keep him out of Number Ten.

TIME PLEASE!

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It is reported that the Labour Party’s policy is to reduce the average working week to four days (thirty-two hours) with no loss of pay. Magic. And where are the extra 25% of workers going to come from?

The Labour Party likes to say,
That life will be improved one day,
And all you have to do pro-tem,
Is cast your poll and vote for them.

They will destroy fee-paying schools,
By changing tax and other rules,
And then because they are so wise,
A lot of stuff they’ll nationalise.

But now the one that caps the lot,
Which might be popular – or not –
Is telling you you cannot seek,
To work more than four days a week.

Your salary will not go down,
But in the country or the town,
It’s likely you’ll be unemployed,
Which might just make the wife annoyed.

She’ll not be happy now that you,
Sit round with nothing much to do,
Just drinking beer and gin and tea,
Just like the Royle Family.

This family, as well we know,
Does not too much to work now go,
So working then four days each week
Would be for them a new technique!

OH NO THEY DIDN’T

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It is reported that a vote at the Labour Party conference on whether its policy should be Remain (this is Brexit, if you hadn’t guessed) was decided by the General Secretary overruling the Chairman of the Ruling National Executive Committee on whether the show of hands just held was for or against. Most delegates disagreed but, in true George Orwell fashion, she got her way, refusing to have a properly counted card vote. Confused? Read on.

“A show of hands please from the floor!
Oh, can’t you do a little more?
We’ll stretch the numbers by the way,
So we will win it anyway.

So really, I suppose, it’s not,
Essential that we have a lot,
Of hands raised on our ‘for it’ side.
Although it shows that we have tried.

But, in the end, we simply say,
This motion voted on today,
As always was won by our side ,
And who can say it’s otherwise?”

PURDAH

Fighting

It is reported that the uncertainties around Brexit have now become so intolerable that Ebenezer Bean may go into a period of self-imposed purdah and refrain from writing about it until all is clear. Could be in for a long break.

So purdah, like prorogue’s a word,
That most of us had never heard,
Until the recent ballyhoo,
Brought both of them out into view.

Prorogue we discussed days ago,
So now let’s take the other mot,
And trying not to get confused,
See just how this word should be used.

I think in parlance it might mean,
The period that’s in between,
The time when an election’s called,
And the date on which voting falls.

And in this intervening time,
No business should in prose or rhyme,
Be carried out because they say,
The winners who will then hold sway,
Might want most of such things undone,
When they have scarce their plans begun.

So back to me, the stress is bad,
About the worst I’ve ever had,
And so with purdah from hereon,
I’ll write no verse – and I mean none –
About this Brexit every day,
Until the whole thing’s gone away.

What else to write? There’s lots to choose,
And always something in the news;
Not sure to what they will relate,
But not the big affairs of state.

So check my blogs each day you can,
Throughout my little Brexit ban,
And I will do my very best,
To make sure you don’t get depressed.

That’s some tall order now I think,
But don’t yet reach out for the drink,
It could be I am not that smart,
But banning Brexit is a start.

NOT FOR MANY, JUST A FEW

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It is reported that while Jeremy Corbyn at the Labour Party Conference backs pay rises of 5% for workers and attacks ‘fat cat salaries’ for bosses, some of his closest aides are getting pay increases of more than 25% and Labour’s director of communications has been awarded a pay rise which takes his salary to over £100,000 per year.

The Labour Party’s claim to fame,
As is suggested by its name,
Is to look after workers that,
Wear hats that often can be flat.

They say that they will get more pay,
By striking or some other way,
And so to help to pay the rent,
They will campaign for five percent.

But Labour leaders and their staff,
Think five percent is rather naff,
And so they themselves now award,
Increases that are untoward.

A quarter seems to be the norm,
But such amount should cause a storm,
For while these few will get a lot,
Flat caps will definitely not.

So should we be surprised? P’rhaps not;
Most folk would give themselves a lot,
While those they claim to represent,
Will, in the end, see their intent,
Is to the flat cap workers con,
While they look after number one!

Image – Chris McAndrew / Wikimedia Commons

FIRST CLASS MA’AM

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It is reported that Jeremy Corbyn wants people working for the BBC to declare their class.

It was back in the days of yore,
That everybody knew the score,
And upper, middle, lower class,
Defined the elite and the mass.

But now we’re in the modern age,
Where class is pretty hard to gauge,
And most folk think that this is good,
Removing bias as it should.

In means for more folk things are fair,
And that there are more places where,
They can join up or get a job,
And so get paid a few more bob.

But Corbyn says, “This is not right.
And class distinctions we must fight.
Equality is just a farse,
So everyone should state their cla-a-a-a-ass.

But where to start? The BBC,
Because they’re biased against me.
(Although a lot of folk would say,
They’re biased in the other way!)

And then for the rest of the pop.,
It’s best to start right at the top,
And work our way down until we,
Most everybody’s class can see.

So, “Morning, Ma’am, would you disclose,
In verse or even normal prose,
The class to which you do belong,
And please try not to get it wrong.””