It is reported that the Labour Party’s manifesto for the general election has been leaked to the Press. Here are some of the highlights.

The cat’s no longer in the bag,
For someone’s leaked the Labour rag,
That is their manifesto which,
Is causing folk to moan and bitch.

It’s been designed to please the crowd,
And writers are immensely proud,
Of all the principles within,
Together with a bit of spin.

So let us have a little look,
At what’s included in this book.

The first is tax, rich but not poor,
Will be asked to pay that bit more,
But most are likely to decline,
And have another glass of wine.

Then workers’ rights and workers’ pay,
The unions want a real say,
Insisting firms that day to day,
Supply the Government must pay,
Their boss a max of twenty times,
The lowest paid in pounds or dimes.

Defence contractors should watch out,
Because this rule they will all flout,
And should the Government insist,
And get their knickers in a twist,
They will find that they can’t obtain,
The weapons even just to train,
Then should we see the Russian Bear,
There won’t be many weapons there.

Perhaps that is not the intent,
But if it’s something else that’s meant,
Then they should make it very plain,
So we won’t have to ask again.

Now onto rail and also bus,
Which can cause such an awful fuss,
And everybody’s heard before,
That people do sit on the floor!

The answer really is quite plain,
It’s public ownership again,
That is what’s needed without doubt,
To sort our transport system out.

And while we’re getting all these gains,
We will scrap all those one-man trains,
Which Southern Rail thought were so good,
And would deploy them if they could.

So we will make your travel fun,
In snow and rain or even sun,
And we will promise that you might,
On most weekdays get home at night.

And finally we come to pubs,
Which also includes social clubs,
Although there once were lots and lots,
They’re closing at a rate of knots.

This is so bad it just won’t do,
Or we’ll be left with far too few,
So we will save the Merry Monk,
Then everyone can still get drunk!

So that is it just vote for me,
So these improvements you will see,
And then you’ll all know where you are –
It’s back in the USSR!

With apologies to The Beatles.