NUMBERS, WHAT NUMBERS?

McDonnell John

It is reported that the Shadow Chancellor, John McDonnell, has poo-pooed the idea that he should discuss financial figures in interviews because he has ‘iPads and advisers to deal with that sort of thing’.

“Now when our party comes to power,
We will, for sure, within the hour,
Renationalise the rail and such,
And, really, it won’t cost too much.

That is because it will all pay,
As more workers go on their way,
And since I am not under oath,
I can say we’ll see lots of growth.

So that’s a ‘one-to-one return’,
Because more people work and earn,
And with the extra tax they pay,
It’s easy to the costs defray.”

“That sounds like nonsense, now to me,
Costs will rise exponentially,
So for our listeners at a loss,
Please tell them how much this will cost.”

“To ask me that just is not right,
It’s journalism rather trite,
And, in fact, it just makes me mad,
For I’ve advisors with iPad.

So I don’t need to know the figs,
And whether they are small or big;
The only thing you need to do,
Is listen when I say to you,
That though it sounds a bit oddball,
It won’t cost anything at all!

So do believe me when I say,
Things will work really well this way,
And if they don’t then it’s just tough –
I’m old and I have had enough.”

MONEY! MONEY! MONEY!

money-351078_960_720

In the aftermath of the general election it is reported that Jeremy Corbyn has a plan to increase the minimum wage for sixteen to eighteen year olds to £10 per hour.

So Corbyn very nearly won,
Because young voters thought the sun,
As I’ll now try to rhyme and parse,
Shone all the time out of his arse.

The reason really is quite clear,
For he had given them a steer,
That uni fees would all be scrapped,
At which young people were all rapt.

With other things on offer too,
Made to the many, not the few,
So many people would cash in,
That they would likely vote for him.

But since he lost he’s got a plan,
That every teenage boy or man,
Should have their hourly rate increased,
To ten pounds, doubling it at least.

“So vote for me! You’ll be quids in.
All this is true, it isn’t spin,
And money for this higher rate,
Will be paid by the ones we hate;
The ones you always ought to boo –
That’s not the many but the few!”

So Corbyn in his power grab,
Makes out it will be really fab,
With everybody due a treat,
Once he’s installed in Downing Street.

The upshot, though, is that these yobs,
Will all be priced out of their jobs,
And Corbyn’s plan will be complete,
When there are riots in the street.

So let your watchword be ‘Take care’,
When you’re assessing Corbyn there,
It’s better you’ve a job than not,
So kick him out – he’s just a Trot!