HOLIDAY BOOM!

Guam Ritidian_Beach

It is reported that Donald Trump has told the people of Guam to expect a tourism boom because with the North Korean missile crisis everybody has now heard of them. All news is good news, eh?

“Now welcome to our island here,
You’ll not have very much to fear;
We’ve lovely beaches, golden sand,
And our defences will withstand,
Whatever that guy with bad hair,
Might lob this way from over there.

He says he’ll aim for in the sea,
But just between him, you and me,
Do please stay inland if you would,
In case his aim is not too good.

And then he has some bigger bombs,
Which could cause pretty bad maelstroms,
And though these types have all been banned,
Just one will make sure you get tanned.

The tanning happens pretty quick,
Will work for any Tom or Dick,
And after that if you still stay,
Your sunbed can be put away.

You just won’t need it any more,
’Cos if by then we are at war,
The sunbed which your tan assists,
Most likely no longer exists.

But even if there is no war,
And the bed’s there just as before,
Your tan will be extremely deep,
So folk will know it wasn’t cheap.

So do enjoy your stay with us,
And just ignore the blinking fuss,
You will need factor ninety-five,
But only if you’re still alive!”

Image – Laura Beuregard, U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service – Pacific Regions

TWITTER WARS

Guam

It is reported that North Korea has threatened to fire missiles over Japan to land in the sea near the US military bases in Guam by the middle of August and that Donald Trump has promised extreme retaliation.

Two overweight men with bad hair,
Determined to the whole world scare,
Keep making comments rather rash,
That they will each the other smash.

The young one’s done this all along,
(He lives in that place starts with ‘Pyong’)
It’s not clear why he makes his boast,
Which could end up with him as toast.

While he’s mad and perhaps insane,
I can’t see what he’s got to gain,
But threatening to attack that isle,
Is certain Donald Trump to rile.

Now Trump we know is so thin-skinned,
That he threatens that fire and wind,
Will come down on folk fat or thin,
When any person crosses him.

The misdemeanour may be slight,
But even so Trump gets uptight,
And several people have been fired,
Including ones he himself hired.

So if someone should threaten war –
A threat he hasn’t had before –
Because a war is not so nice,
You would expect he’d take advice.

But we know that is not Trump’s way,
And so he pronounced yesterday,
That fire and fury’s not enough,
So now he would get really tough;
He thought a bit and then he said,
“There would be big trouble instead.”

When asked what that meant, should folk flee?
He said, “Just wait. You’ll see. You’ll see.”
Which really means without much doubt,
He hasn’t quite yet worked it out.

So we must wait with bated breath,
To see if this fight’s to the death,
Or if his tweets show that he’s brave,
And Twitter can the planet save.

HACKING IT

Hacking password

It is reported that North Korea’s missile test yesterday may have failed because it was hacked by the Americans. Foreign journalists (hacks!) were told to expect a ‘big and important event’ but we’re eventually taken to a flower show.

So give three cheers for Mr Kim,
I am indebted much to him,
For on three consecutive days,
I’ve done my blog on things he says.

So first we had the big parade,
The Day of Sun, not one of shade,
And then he tried and tried his best,
But sadly failed the missile test.

And finally, now it’s day three,
There’s speculation it might be,
That this missile they call Nodong,
Was hacked and that’s why it went wrong.

Most likely we will never know,
If hacking caused the fatal blow,
But whether ’twas or not a hack,
It caused a sudden change of tack.

For with The Press there in full strength,
Kim had to go to any length,
To keep them from the missile site,
And give them something else to write.

So what to do? He thought quite quick,
He had the answer in a tick.
So all the journalists around,
Most in the special press compound,
We’re told that they would all now go,
To write about a flower show.

The flower show was very nice,
Some might have liked to see it twice,
But really this was being used,
To try to make us all confused.

But we’re not fooled, I think that’s clear,
About events in North Korea,
And if his nukes will not go right,
Then he should stick to dynamite!

Image – Flickr / Christoph Scholz

ER . . . BANG!

Kim-Jong-Un

It is reported that on the day after its big military parade in Pyongyang the North Korean Government carried out a missile test but unfortunately the missile exploded a few seconds after launch. See yesterday’s blog for more background.

“I had a phone call yesterday,
From that rude Yank quite far away,
You know the one, he speaks in rhyme,
And does his hair a bit like mine.

He didn’t ask where we were at,
Just told me I was far too fat,
His reputation is he’s crude,
But this time he was downright rude!

So I decided late last night,
That we would give the dude a fright,
And launch a missile – just a test –
Which ought to leave him well impressed.

It’s now complete, I’m pleased to say,
It took place earlier today,
It fired all right, went past Pyongyang,
And then we all heard it go ‘Bang!’

So all in all that’s pretty good,
It blew up as of course it should,
And that will teach him, stupid dude,
He shouldn’t be so bloody rude!”

“But Leader Dear, you ought to know,
The missile test was good to go,
And strictly speaking I must stress,
The whole thing was a great success.

One detail though makes me concerned,
For as the rocket engines burned,
The warhead did blow up all right,
But at the wrong end of its flight!”

Image – Markus Szyszkowitz, http://www.artoons.at / Wikimedia commons