TRUMP ON THE WARPATH

Trump 1

It is reported that Donald Trump has berated most European members of NATO and especially the stinking rich Germans for spending too little on defence.

The Trump is over here today,
In Brussels first then a foray,
To Britain to play golf and scoff,
And also tell the PM off.

About what subject matters not,
He’ll tweet it first and then, guess what,
He’ll talk with what charm he’s imbued,
Which means he’s likely to be rude.

But back to NATO where today,
He told the others they should pay,
And not just sponge from day to day,
On spending by the USA.

For far too long they hadn’t paid,
And as he said in his tirade,
They really had to up their game,
And then pay pretty much the same
As he does in proportion to,
The value of the things they do.

But singled out for special ire,
That easily could pay much higher,
Was Germany that he did say,
Not only does it little pay ,
But in the background it bankrolls,
The Russian state and all its goals.

They do this dint of buying gas,
Which really does seem pretty crass,
For somewhere there’s a smartphone app,
With which they can turn off the tap.

So Germany and others too,
Must be quite careful what they do,
Or they might find, alack, alas,
That suddenly they’ve got no gas.

And this is Donald’s case in point,
That’s put his nose right out of joint,
For though it has been rare before,
This could start economic war.

This might then be twixt friends or foes,
Because the Brexit process shows,
That one side might use as a ploy,
The other to try to destroy,
Even though it would in that case,
Cut off its nose to spite its face!

DAMN!

World Cup quarter-finals-3515346__340

It is reported that England has lost the semi-final of the World Cup in Moscow, waistcoats or not.

The England team did really well,
As any football fan will tell:
They won their matches all along,
But, in this last, they took too long,
To get the goals they had to score,
So their opponents then had more.

The goals they did score were so good,
If you’ve not seen them then you should;
The headers were extremely fine –
Exciting as they crossed the line.

But only one can win the match,
If not then there would be a catch;
The winners should have greatest skill,
But also in a game there will,
Be lots of luck with shots and aim,
Affecting who will win the game.

And one thing that can’t be denied,
Is, though they didn’t win, they tried,
And did far better with the score,
Than predecessors had before.

Croatia therefore won the day,
Good luck when they the final play,
But maybe they should up their game,
And not the opposition maim!

RUSSIA 2018

doping-3306821_960_720

It is reported that FIFA and the Russians may be covering up drugs test results in the World Cup; suspicions have been raised owing to Russia’s atypical and spectacular performance in their opening games.

The Russian team, it has been said,
Is really very badly led,
And though they would be playing first,
Of hosting countries they’re the worst.

But then they played the opening game,
And then their second – much the same;
They won them both, eight in the net,
The best an opening host’s done yet.

So far, so good; suspicious though,
Because as far as numbers go,
The players in the opening match,
Might have seemed pretty hard to catch.

They ran so fast throughout the game,
And then their distance, much the same,
Was faster than host teams before,
And not because of shoes they wore.

Suspicions now surround the squad,
Because it seems distinctly odd,
That they have got such skills on tap,
When their performance should be crap.

So questions have by now been asked,
Of the officials who are tasked,
With sample testing to disclose,
Of Russian players, which of those,
Had positive tests without doubt,
And really should have been thrown out.

But drug officials will not say,
Whom they did test or on which day,
So then as long as players play,
Suspicions will not go away.

So if you watch the game beware,
There might be goings on back there,
And be suspicious if you read,
That Russia played at breakneck speed.

CYBERLIGHTS

traffic-lights-643304_960_720

It is reported that Russia may be able to hack Britain’s traffic lights and cause chaos on the roads. Have they no ambition? They could try something a bit more challenging!

Remember traffic lights on red,
Mean do not go or you’ll be dead,
Whereas if they have turned to green,
Proceed with caution’s what they mean,

That’s just the basic kind of light,
Which isn’t really all that bright,
But some exponents of the art,
Are frequently described as smart.

These smart lights are quite good, all told,
And by some centre are controlled,
So that they change throughout the day,
In order then to speed your way.

A problem, though, has come to light,
For when he’s spoiling for a fight,
The Russian leader might decide,
To try to make our cars collide.

It’s pretty simple, it would seem:
The lights would all be turned to green,
And then a lot would likely crash,
And be turned into so much trash.

It’s like a version of fake news,
Designed to normal folk confuse,
With red and green, I think you’ll find,
A sort of extreme colourblind.

Then on TV in Russian bars,
They could all watch these dodgem cars,
Because to keep his fans on track,
He also might the cameras hack.

SIX NO TRUMPS

atomic-bomb-1011738_960_720

It is reported that President Trump has withdrawn the United States from the Iran nuclear non-proliferation agreement to the apparent dismay of at least four of the other parties.

The President is not a fan,
Of ayatollahs in Iran,
And after several months of talk,
He has decided he should walk.

He says the deal was very bad,
And that the US has been had,
Because Iran has tried to cheat,
As outlined in some former tweet.

They’ve also sought to interfere,
In conflicts of which we all hear,
Like Syria and Palestine,
Where he says they are so malign.

It also rankles, I would think,
That he who signed it, there in ink,
Is B Obama, whom he hates –
It more than rankles, really grates.

The other signatories say, “Wait!
Though this agreement isn’t great,
It is the best that can be done,
Although some bits had to be spun.

And if it should abandoned be,
They might develop – we shall see –
A bomb more than one megaton,
Then everyone will have to run!”

But have you noticed in the news,
We’ve not been hearing many views,
From Russia who is Iran’s friend,
And might like to the thing suspend?

It would not come as a surprise,
If they might try to compromise,
The whole agreement, action take,
And possibly some trouble make.

Perhaps they are in separate talks,
Hence speaking with a tongue that forks,
And though the prospects may seem glum,
Stay tuned for there is more to come.

THE PINK ARMY

russianew_1_0

It is reported that female Russian soldiers in the Red Army have been rehearsing in St Petersburg’s Palace Square for the 9 May military parade which marks the seventy-third anniversary of victory in the Great Patriotic War (the Second World War to you and me).

We know that in the last world war,
Worse than most that we’d seen before,
The Russian Army did include,
Females with fighting attitude.

It’s likely they were fairly butch,
Did not go in for makeup much,
And when commanded to attack,
They probably would not hold back.

We know that fear they did imbue,
Into the German soldiers who,
Did not want to these girls confront,
There on the dreaded Eastern Front.

Now time’s rolled on year after year,
And he in charge – that’s Vladimir –
Will hold a military parade,
So memories will not then fade.

And photos have been issued where,
Girls are rehearsing in the square;
They’re dressed so that they will impress,
In uniforms with mini dress,
But are these really soldiers who,
Each day go do what soldiers do?

It seems unlikely, I would say,
For if they really dressed that way,
Opponents would know what to do –
Surrender then just form a queue!

So fighting Russia? Do beware,
They’ve female soldiers everywhere,
And if just one should turn your eye,
That could be it and you might die!

Image – TASS

HARD TO SWALLOW

Cream tea

It is reported that an advertisement for National Trust property Lanhydrock House in Cornwall has been criticised – no, castigated – for showing a photograph of a Cornish cream tea with the jam on top of the cream. Meanwhile, a few miles to the east, Salisbury is still coming to terms with its Russian nerve gas attack.

The Cornish cream tea as you know,
Has cream above the jam and so,
If one is made the wrong way round,
The consequence could be profound.

This differs from the place next door,
(Which has two separate bits of shore)
Where Cornish-style would be a flop,
So here the jam is on the top.

Imagine, then, should people see,
A Cornish restaurant serving tea,
With Devon-style scones on the plate,
Which they consider second-rate.

Complaints would come in fast and thick,
Some saying that it makes them sick,
And how they are so very shocked,
Their cream tea could be so up-cocked.

You might think this a bit extreme,
Complaining ’bout a bit of cream,
While Wiltshire, slightly to the east,
Would think that this would be the least,
Of its worries while it’s still wracked,
Since it with nerve gas was attacked.

But notwithstanding this, the Trust,
Perhaps not wanting to go bust,
Has said the culprit will be caught,
And then they’re thinking that he ought,
Most probably to get the sack,
Unless his brain is back on track.

You might think this is too severe,
Would in their staff instil great fear,
But we can really not accept,
That something which is so inept,
And causing such cream tea turmoil,
Be carried out on British soil!