Cream tea

It is reported that an advertisement for National Trust property Lanhydrock House in Cornwall has been criticised – no, castigated – for showing a photograph of a Cornish cream tea with the jam on top of the cream. Meanwhile, a few miles to the east, Salisbury is still coming to terms with its Russian nerve gas attack.

The Cornish cream tea as you know,
Has cream above the jam and so,
If one is made the wrong way round,
The consequence could be profound.

This differs from the place next door,
(Which has two separate bits of shore)
Where Cornish-style would be a flop,
So here the jam is on the top.

Imagine, then, should people see,
A Cornish restaurant serving tea,
With Devon-style scones on the plate,
Which they consider second-rate.

Complaints would come in fast and thick,
Some saying that it makes them sick,
And how they are so very shocked,
Their cream tea could be so up-cocked.

You might think this a bit extreme,
Complaining ’bout a bit of cream,
While Wiltshire, slightly to the east,
Would think that this would be the least,
Of its worries while it’s still wracked,
Since it with nerve gas was attacked.

But notwithstanding this, the Trust,
Perhaps not wanting to go bust,
Has said the culprit will be caught,
And then they’re thinking that he ought,
Most probably to get the sack,
Unless his brain is back on track.

You might think this is too severe,
Would in their staff instil great fear,
But we can really not accept,
That something which is so inept,
And causing such cream tea turmoil,
Be carried out on British soil!



It is reported that Donald Trump’s former campaign chairman and former business partner have been arrested for alleged offences including laundering Russian money originating in Ukraine and conspiracy against the United States, and that another associate has admitted certain offences and is cooperating with the investigation. Predictably, but inappropriately, The President says it is all rubbish and why don’t they look at crooked Hillary Clinton instead?

I’ve not expressed too many views,
While this has not been in the news,
Displaced by Brexit and now Spain,
But now it’s all come up again.

We have now seen the first arrests,
To which today’s report attests,
And one indictment is, they say –
Conspiring ’gainst the USA.

There’s laundering in there as well,
Of Russian money – they can tell –
And lots of other bits and bobs,
From quite a few suspicious jobs.

But Donald Trump is not a fan,
He tweets his complaints when he can,
But all his tweets might be just bluff,
Before it all gets really rough.

He tries to rubbish what is said,
Says it should not involve The Fed,
Which should instead now try to nail,
Clinton for her private emails.

Somewhere in this must be the truth,
Well hid beneath the spin and spoof,
And when it all comes out one day,
Someone will likely have to pay.

Who that may be we can but guess,
Somebody even might confess,
But of one thing we can be sure –
There’s still to come much more ordure!

Image – Istolethetv / Flickr



It is reported that home gadgets that connect to the internet can be operated maliciously and can even, like a Trojan horse, give hackers access to our internet and bank data.

The internet of things is here,
A reason, you may think, to cheer,
But don’t get too excited yet –
It could be something you’ll regret.

It means that everything is smart –
Appliances for the most part –
Like fridges, heating, lights and taps,
Designed to help you – well, perhaps.

One aspect of this is you can,
Leave your potatoes in the pan,
And have them on and start to boil,
So that the result of your toil,
Is ready, almost, then to eat,
When you get home by means of feet.

Then there’s the fridge, it keeps things cold,
And I have recently been told,
That smart ones now know what you eat,
Though they’re programmed to be discreet.

So when your eggs are down to four,
The fridge will simply order more,
And you should now no longer fear,
You’ll run completely out of beer.

But such devices can be hacked,
And as they buy for you in fact,
They might also at your expense,
Be running up bills quite immense,
Supplying food to Russia where,
They’ve lots of hackers working there.

These hackers really are just spies,
They’re partial to our cakes and pies,
And when they’ve had their fill of these,
They finish off with fruit and cheese.

We know this ’cos we are so bright,
The Russians hack by day and night,
They can the biggest numbers boast,
But still they always burn the toast.

And then there’s more that they can do,
They know when you are in the loo,
And if you’re there about to burst,
They might jump in and flush it first!

To let your watchword be ‘Take care’,
When you’re existing anywhere,
For all things can be hacked and more,
Far worse than 1984.



It is reported that meeting took place in Trump Tower between a Russian lawyer and Donald Trump’s eldest son and son in law at which the Russians possibly providing damaging information on Hillary Clinton may have been discussed.

My headline here is pretty good,
I’ve saved it in case someone should,
Make progress with this Russian thing,
Which if it persists could well bring,
The President right to the brink,
And that’s what many people think.

His son has recently confirmed,
That he was happy when he learned,
That Russian sources could provide,
Bad things about the Clinton side,
During the presidential race,
Which might have been The Donald’s ace.

Then later on with others too,
Trump Junior went on to do,
A meeting in Trump Tower where,
His father Donald wasn’t there,
But though it seems he didn’t go,
He was there on the floor below.

You can make of this what you will,
Perhaps our Mr Trump was ill,
But he says he had no idea,
This meeting was so very near,
Or even that ’twas held at all,
As far as he can now recall.

So maybe this is the first chink,
To say there was a Russian link;
It’s likely there is more to know,
So this has got some way to go.

So watch for Revelation 2,
When I’ve more to disclose to you;
I hope to use it several times,
In later versions of these rhymes.

Image – Meghas / Wikimedia commons


Putin cartoon

It is reported that Donald Trump allegedly asked James Comey, Director of the FBI, to drop the investigation into alleged links between his associates and the Russians.

This story has been on the go,
A little while now as you know,
But I’ve not been sure what to say,
Because the facts change every day.

The Russian rumours are quite old,
But then just last week we were told,
That Comey of the FBI,
Was told ’twas time to say ‘Goodbye’.

With reasons I will not you bore,
You’ve likely heard them all before,
And anyway, the reasons picked,
Seem to each other contradict.

Trump makes a statement of intent,
His gofers then try to invent,
Some rationale that sounds OK,
And then compose some words to say.

So far so good but not for long,
For very soon it all goes wrong,
As Donald on his Twitter feed,
Contradicts it all at breakneck speed.

And if that wasn’t bad enough,
There’s still more to this Russian stuff,
And it seems likely more will leak,
More frequently than once a week.

So I will soon have more to say,
It will make sense, I hope and pray,
But maybe that’s an order tall,
With Donald Trump behind it all.


Phone tapping

It is reported that Donald Trump has accused Barack Obama of orchestrating the bugging of Trump Tower during the presidential election campaign and some are speculating that this may be a diversionary tactic to take attention away from his other problems.

Trump’s been in office forty days,
And since then there’s been little praise,
By journalists and others too,
For many things he’s tried to do.

Reports are bad most every day,
No matter what the man may say,
With Russian scandals, Moslems, wall,
Not much is going right at all.

He banned reporters – didn’t work –
The Press all nearly went berserk,
And even with this change of tack,
The Russian meetings still came back.

But maybe now he’s found a ruse,
To see if such he can defuse;
So bright and early one fine day,
On Twitter, of course, he did say,
That he now had some news so grim –
Obama had been bugging him.

Reporters looked from side to side,
As they all one another eyed,
“If someone’s getting on his nerves,
It’s probably what he deserves.”

But Trump then sent another tweet,
A different one, not a repeat,
“When I say ‘bug’ I do not mean,
That irritating he has been,
But my Trump Tower on this map,
Has been subject to a wire tap.

So how to call it? Let’s not wait,
This is far worse than Watergate!
And this is true, it ain’t no bluff,
Unlike all of that Russian stuff.
This really is beyond the pale –
The man should be banged up in jail!”

But jail he’s promised in the past,
One Mrs Clinton was the last.
Perhaps he’s taking now his lead,
From his friend Putin who indeed,
Won’t tolerate threats small or large,
And jails them on some Trumped up charge!

Image – Flickr



It is reported that Theresa May has banned Russian politicians and oligarchs from attending Conservative Party fund-raising dinners as she doesn’t want them consorting with government ministers for security reasons.

“Hello, this is Theresa May,
I’m ringing as I have to say,
Our dinner will proceed as planned,
Including guests who’ll sit or stand.

That is the good news, now the bad:
Because of the bad press you’ve had,
We won’t be sending you invites,
So don’t go booking any flights.

The reason is you’re mostly spies,
You take things in with both your eyes,
And if there’s intel. you still lack,
You’ll try to get it with a hack.

So hobnobbing with people who,
Are all in government like you,
But not on your side of the fence,
Is not such great intelligence.

So I’m afraid you’ve been declined,
It’s tough if you now feel maligned,
But if you’re into cyberwar,
It’s what you have been asking for.

And while we’re at it p’rhaps you’d see,
Your men behave themselves with tea,
For rather clumsy they were when,
They put polonium 210,
In Litvinenko’s pot of tea –
A dreadful way to poison he.

So all in all your credit score,
Won’t even get you through the door,
And ’til your people all behave,
You won’t be coming to our rave.”

Image – Flickr