A BIG CHEESE

Cheese grana padano

It is reported that the Grana Padano Cheesemakers Consortium sent a gift of a forty pound wheel of cheese to our Prime Minister during her holiday in Italy but it’s delivery to her hotel was delayed as it was thought to be a suspicious package that might contain a bomb.

You might have heard that Mrs May,
Is on her summer holiday,
And this week which is first of three,
She’s spending time in Italy.

The makers of the local cheese,
Thought Mrs May they’d like to please,
By sending her a little gift,
A wheel of cheese – you get my drift?

The cheese arrived, it weighed a lot,
The police said it might be a plot,
So it went in another room,
In case the whole thing should go ‘Boom!’

The cheesemen said, “It is all right.
We’re sorry it gave you a fright.
For all your problems we all feel,
And that’s why we gave you this wheel.

In the EU wheel you’re a cog,
About the same as Kraut or Frog,
But after Brexit, Mrs May,
Your wheel’s then smaller than today.

So we thought that it might assist,
You or perhaps your publicist,
If after Brexit you could claim,
That life would go on much the same.

For this to be so folk must think,
Negotiators will not blink,
And the wheel in which you’re a cog,
Is big and not the underdog.

So having this enormous cheese,
Will help convince them all with ease,
That they should not get too uptight,
For everything will be all right.

And be assured the cheese is fine,
Will go down well with port or wine,
We checked it three times we confess,
So that it would not cause distress.”

THIN SKINNED

Trump angry

It is reported that Donald Trump has said that he does not want his planned state visit to the UK to take place if there might be demonstrations or protests.

One small problem for Mrs May,
Now that she’s past election day,
Is how to deal with Donald Trump,
And whether she should try to bump,
The President off his planned tour –
The one she offered him before.

She’s other things now on her plate –
Brexit for one at any rate –
And she’d be better to be free,
Of still yet more controversy.

But Trump now waded in last night,
And said if anything might blight,
His state visit like an affray,
Then he would want to stay away.

Protests and demos are so bad,
That though he’d be in armour clad,
It might look bad on prime TV,
And his spin doctors do agree.

So since some protests likely will
Occur this should the visit kill;
Arrangements likely will be binned,
Because The Trump is so thin-skinned.

If this is so for Mrs May,
The problem might have gone away,
But she must carefully this spin,
So protesters don’t seem to win.

DIDN’T HE DO WELL? … OR MAYBE NOT

Jeremy Corbyn cartoon

It is reported that in the recent general election Jeremy Corbyn did really well ….. but his party came second and he got the job of Leader of the Opposition.

So Mrs May was not so wise,
And rightly do we criticise,
The way that she ran her campaign,
Which was quite dreadful in the main.

Her campaign really was the pits,
Most will agree, no buts no ifs,
And she quite managed to deplete,
The compliment of Tory seats.

But Corbyn on the other hand,
Is praised now all throughout the land,
Because he did so very well,
… Although maybe it’s hard to tell.

He bribed young people – no more fees,
The oldies wanting fuel please,
Free childcare after which he feels,
Kids all should get their free school meals.

But even with all this and more,
He really, truly failed to score,
He knew Ms May was in a spin,
But even then he couldn’t win!

SLANGING MATCH!

Caroline Lucas

It is reported that in the BBC General Election Leaders’ Debate the speakers repeatedly criticised the Prime Minister for sending a stand-in but perhaps there should also have been mention of the SNP’s missing leader, the Labour U-turn and the Greens’ inability to send anyone else. Read on.

You may have seen last night’s debate,
With people who each other hate,
Exchanging insults as to who,
Had not seen fit to turn up too.

The worst, of course, was Mrs May,
“She must be somewhere else today,”
Said Mr Farron, the Lib Dem,
“And if you go and lift the hem,
Of your net curtains you might find,
She’s checking on your state of mind,
So that she will then know the max,
You’ll pay in the dementia tax.”

The others then all had a go,
But strangely, no-one seemed to know,
That Sturgeon of the SNP,
Also some other place must be.

The reason we can only guess,
But p’rhaps it’s ’cos she’s talking less,
And for now’s sitting on the fence,
On plans for Scots’ independence.

Then Jerry who late in the day,
Announced he’d not now stay away,
Had reckoned, you know like you do,
More votes for Labour might ensue.

Perhaps he thinks it’s all a game,
To try to put Ms May to shame,
But whether any good ’twill do,
At this stage no-one has a clue.

And last there’s Lucas, Party Green,
Who still looks no more than sixteen,
She is a leader – one of two –
So it should be quite plain to you,
With two leaders for each MP,
It’s really pretty hard to see,
No matter what she might intend,
How she could not a leader send.

Image – https://www.flickr.com/photos/0742/ underclassrising.net

WOBBLE WEEK

Jelly cartoon

It is reported that the Conservative general election campaign wobbled on the now proposed cap on care costs, British Airways had a problem with a wobbly computer, Angela Merkel said that the support of the USA and the UK in NATO was wobbly and Shadow Foreign Secretary Diane Abbott talked about wobbles with her hairstyle and words.

We have just had a wobbly week,
With several things right up the creek,
And people getting quite upset,
Because some might their jobs lose yet.

The first in line was Mrs May,
Because she did omit to say,
That people paying for their care,
Would not need to be worried where,
The money would come from for they,
Would have a cap on what they pay.

Next up was British Airways which,
Reported a computer glitch,
They didn’t really explain why,
But think it might be power supply.

Their flights were cancelled – nearly all –
Their share price went into free-fall,
And travellers – thousands and more –
We’re sleeping on the airport floor.

Then Mrs Merkel comes on scene,
In Italy with Trump she’s been,
And she announced to some dismay,
That though she doesn’t pay her way,
On NATO she could not rely,
But would not further clarify.

And finally Ms Abbott who,
Is often changing her hairdo,
Said former comments which were vile,
Were said with a different hairstyle,
And ’cos her hair was different now,
That made it all all right somehow.

So let your watchword be ‘Take care’,
When you are speaking live on air,
Whatever you do or don’t say,
Will come to haunt you all one day!

GENERAL ELECTION

Polling Station

It is reported that the Prime Minister has announced that a general election will take place on 8 June 2017.

Now when I went to bed last night,
I didn’t know what I would write,
In my blog which I do each day,
So have to think of things to say.

We’ve heard enough of Kim Jong Un,
Have had a piece with Erdogan,
And Brexit which gives some the hump,
Has been eclipsed by Donald Trump.

But now three cheers for Mrs May,
Because she has now saved the day,
With her announcement there will be,
An election so all of we,
Can vote whatever out intent,
To get a stable government.

She said she’d been upset to learn,
That opposition parties yearn,
To obstruct Brexit every day,
And try to make it go away.

Such bad behaviour could not stand,
When people all across the land,
Wanted strong leadership so they,
Could all be pulling the same way.
And this is how, when things get real,
There’ll be a better Brexit deal.

The opposition parties said,
They’re full of happiness, not dread,
But really they all take a stance,
Which doesn’t give them that much chance.

They’ll doubtless put on faces brave,
Pretending things are not so grave,
But in the end despite the spin,
It’s likely Mrs May will win.

Image – Flickr