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It is reported that Donald Trump plans to impose punitive tariffs of 25% on steel and 10% on aluminium imported into the United States, and the European Union has announced severe retaliation plans.

It’s been announced that Trump has plans,
For metals used in cars and cans,
To soon be taxed at higher rates,
When they reach the United States.

He says that they are under threat,
For Chinese steel producers let,
Their factories now produce too much,
Of steel for cars and cans and such.

And since this steel cannot be used,
He says that rules have been abused,
As they then tons of metal dump,
Upon the land of Donald Trump.

But Trump’s taxation plan is wide,
And will affect much more beside,
As special steels used for defence,
Are taxed which makes a bit less sense.

These taxes affect the EU,
So they’re now getting upset too,
And so henceforward from today,
They say that Trump will have to pay.

“For tax like this we will not stand,
But as well as a reprimand,
We are intending to impose,
A higher import tax on those,
Products which we’ve come to expect,
Will have the maximum effect.

We’ve thought a lot, done studies too,
On what might cause most harm to you;
And the best option from these facts,
Will be a peanut butter tax!

A tax like this is very wise,
Applies to jars of any size,
And whether smooth or with a crunch,
It will affect most any lunch.

But here in Brussels EU staff,
Think peanut butter’s pretty naff;
With Michelin starred food each day,
They never eat it anyway.”




It is reported that Donald Trump has said that teachers in US schools should be armed so that they can respond better to massacres such as the recent one in Florida.

With every massacre in school,
You’ll find that, as a general rule,
Most people are astonished and,
Then call for weapons to be banned.

It happens almost every day,
But then despite what people say,
There never has been any change,
To limit shooting to the range.

But Donald Trump now has a plan:
If it’s impossible to ban,
These guns from getting into schools,
Then he will have to change the rules.

In his new plan the teachers will,
All have a gun so they can kill,
The perpetrators of this crime,
So that is his new paradigm.

They’ll have their arms, they will be trained,
So these gunmen can be restrained;
And Trump’s prepared, without debate,
In case it all should escalate.

“A submachine gun’s where I’ll start,
Because it ought to be the part,
But if, in fact, it’s not enough,
I’ve quite a bit of other stuff.

A tank could be the next in line,
A thousand and still more are mine,
And after that I’ve other gems,
Including some ICBMs.

So teachers now will be well-armed,
So our school kids will not be harmed,
And if some guy gets in the way,
It will not be his lucky day!”



It is reported that Donald Trump requested the loan of Van Gogh’s ‘Landscape with Snow’ from the Guggenheim Museum in New York to hang in his private quarters at the White House, but the request was refused and an 18-carat solid gold lavatory was offered to him instead.

“Hello. Is that the Guggenheim?
I think you have had for some time,
A painting by Van Gough, no less;
And paintings like this I would guess,
Can be lent out to folk like me,
For I’m the president, you see.

So if I can get to the point,
I’d like to have it in my joint,
Which is the White House – know the one?
It’s just back here in Washington.

So pack it up and send it round,
We’ll hang it in a space I’ve found,
Where I can see it every day,
And best thing is – I need not pay.”

The lady, though, to whom he spake,
By now was getting earache,
And she was not keen, it’s supposed,
On what the President proposed.

“I’m sorry,” said she in the end,
“The painting we just cannot lend;
But an alternative we’ve got,
Which you might, in fact, like a lot:
It is a lavatory – not old –
But made of eighteen carat gold.

The toilet is, of course, unique,
We’ll get it there within the week,
And if you’d like it as your loo,
It comes with full instructions too.

So, if you want it, let us know,
You’ll always have somewhere to go,
And it will surely be the part,
’Cos trump’s another word for fart!

But if you think I’m slightly rude,
You could discuss it with that dude –
The one you will be talking to –
In your Piers Morgan interview!”


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It is reported that Donald Trump has refused to come to London and cut the ribbon on the new US embassy because Barack Obama sold the old one for ‘peanuts’ and he doesn’t like the ‘off location’ of the new one.

“I’m Donald Trump so hear my tweet:
Our embassy just down the street,
In the square next to that marked ‘GO’,
Was valuable, I’ll have you know.

But it was sold for peanuts and,
A new one built where it’s less grand,
In some place with a worse postcode –
It might have been the Old Kent Road.

This was a stupid thing you see,
No-one knows real estate like me,
They should have, as we all know well,
Built four houses and an hotel!”

Image – William Warby / Flickr



It is reported that Donald Trump is claiming to be ‘a genius … and a very stable genius at that’.

“I’ve told you all that I am smart,
And excellent at any art,
And so I hope you will accept,
I’m rather clever, not inept.

I was a businessman, you know,
Then went on TV with my show;
So many people watched me there,
And not just looking at my hair.

I really was the biggest star,
Was certain that I could go far,
And so I thought I’d take a pot,
And make a bid for the top slot.

Needless to say, I went and won,
A lifetime of ambition done,
But trouble not to make a fuss –
It’s just that I’m a genius.

So clever people eat your heart,
Because, although you might be smart,
However clever you may be,
You want a genius? … that’s me!”


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It is reported that Kim Jong-un has stated that he has a (presumably red) nuclear button on his desk and this has prompted Donald Trump to announce that his button is bigger and more effective. So there!

If you are sensible like me,
It’s so embarrassing to see,
Two leaders in these modern times,
Behaving as described in rhymes.

Now I just try to state the truth,
Devoid of all the spin and spoof,
But with subjects like Trump and Kim,
The chance of that is rather slim.

The latest clash, I can report,
Involves a quite heated retort,
When Kim said he’d a button red,
On his desk not far from his bed.

Now most statesmen would just ignore,
Such comments as they’ve done before,
And take advice another day,
If anything they ought to say.

But Donald Trump’s not one of those,
His words are always on their toes,
And he replies without delay,
Not thinking too much what to say.

Whatever Kim has, he’s got more,
Down in the nuclear weapons store,
And he has got red buttons too,
In office, bedroom and the loo.

They to and fro like little boys,
Comparing all their Christmas toys,
And I suppose we must hope that,
We reach the end of this, their spat,
Without much dangerous harangue,
Or anything that might go ‘Bang!’

It seems with these two we are stuck,
And we might have to trust to luck,
To remove them from public life,
And so reduce this stress and strife.

But maybe nature’s on our side,
For Kim Jong-un is rather wide,
While Donald Trump both now and then,
Is somewhere round three score and ten.

So both of them should now take care,
When they are fighting on the air,
They should, perhaps, not act so thick,
Or else they might the bucket kick!


Plane crash

It is reported that there were no (yes, zero!) deaths in world-wide commercial aviation (plane crashes) during 2017 and Donald Trump is claiming the credit.

“Now listen, all you folk that fly,
You’re safe and I can tell you why:
It is because of things I’ve done,
Now that I do this country run.

I did ban laptops, it is true,
But that affected just a few,
’Cos just in Middle Eastern lands,
Are these lethal in people’s hands.

It’s plain that this was right to do,
’Cos casualties have been so few,
And last year’s deaths were very low –
They have, in fact, been just zero.

Yes, zero deaths on planes world-wide,
A source, for me, of glowing pride,
Because, as you can doubtless see,
The whole damn thing was down to me.

But on my laurels I’ll not stand,
For since flight deaths Have now been banned,
This next year I can now tell you,
I certainly will better do.

Don’t worry this does not compute,
Most people are not that astute,
And if the deaths should turn out higher,
I’ll always find someone to fire!”