MY TROUSERS ARE STEAMING!

Dore_&_Sons_trousers_press

It is reported that a recent book, written by former aides, claims that Donald Trump has a (female) aide steam-press his suit when travelling on Air Force One while he is wearing it, and he is also said to eat a lot of junk food.

You’ve heard of Donald Trump before,
With articles writ by the score,
Describing what he does and says,
At home and when out on forays.

There is some quite important stuff,
Mixed up with lots and lots of guff,
And if I wrote of it again,
You’d say I was a complete pain.

But now, today, new things emerge,
Which I would definitely urge,
You to read and to take it in,
Though it could be fake news or spin.

The first is: there’s a choice of food,
To suit the palate of this dude;
It isn’t wide, might be inane,
Includes stuff from a pizza chain,
And burgers – that’s Big Macs, you know –
Plus KFC – we’re good to go.

He likes his biscuits, also chips,
But then he says, “No buts, no ifs,
I don’t want any opened pack,
For I’m a hypochondriac.

With opened packs you never know,
Who’s poked in dirty fingers so,
They may be full of germs and will,
As like as not just make me ill,”

But p’rhaps the oddest tale to tell,
Is, since he must look smart and swell,
He has an aide steam-press his suit,
While, in his plane, he is en route.

“So what?” I think I hear you say,
“It should be pressed most every day.
’Cos he’s a most important dude,
No matter that he can be rude.”

I quite agree but in the main,
Most people take it off again,
So that it can be pressed while flat,
And not while in it one is sat.

Let’s not dwell on the reasons why,
He does this flying through the sky,
But could it explain why he’s rude?
I don’t mean ’cos of the junk food,
But while his suit is being pressed,
It might just be, you may have guessed,
That the steam-press was set too high,
And burnt a red patch on his thigh.

We all know that he is thin-skinned,
His name suggests he might have wind,
But surely, if his leg’s in pain,
He’ll come down like a hurricane!

Advertisements

WHICH SIDE IS MEXICO?

great-wall-of-china-1113708_960_720

It is reported that Donald and Melania Trump have visited the Great Wall of China.

When you’re important you get shown,
Big tourist things but on your own,
And so it was with Donald, he,
The guest right now of Mr Xi.

He and his wife went to the wall,
He said, “It’s wide but should be tall.
I’m building one of these, you know,
But when the plans are good to go,
It will be very, very high,
So if a Mexican should try,
To scale it so that he can cross,
He’ll soon be finding out who’s boss!

He will stay on the other side,
Knowing full well when others tried,
To cross into the USA,
The wall each time turned them away.

But maybe, while we are all here,
You could, perhaps, give me a steer,
And tell me now, before I go,
Which side of this is Mexico?”

RUSSIA ROUND THREE

Trumpkin

It is reported that Donald Trump’s former campaign chairman and former business partner have been arrested for alleged offences including laundering Russian money originating in Ukraine and conspiracy against the United States, and that another associate has admitted certain offences and is cooperating with the investigation. Predictably, but inappropriately, The President says it is all rubbish and why don’t they look at crooked Hillary Clinton instead?

I’ve not expressed too many views,
While this has not been in the news,
Displaced by Brexit and now Spain,
But now it’s all come up again.

We have now seen the first arrests,
To which today’s report attests,
And one indictment is, they say –
Conspiring ’gainst the USA.

There’s laundering in there as well,
Of Russian money – they can tell –
And lots of other bits and bobs,
From quite a few suspicious jobs.

But Donald Trump is not a fan,
He tweets his complaints when he can,
But all his tweets might be just bluff,
Before it all gets really rough.

He tries to rubbish what is said,
Says it should not involve The Fed,
Which should instead now try to nail,
Clinton for her private emails.

Somewhere in this must be the truth,
Well hid beneath the spin and spoof,
And when it all comes out one day,
Someone will likely have to pay.

Who that may be we can but guess,
Somebody even might confess,
But of one thing we can be sure –
There’s still to come much more ordure!

Image – Istolethetv / Flickr

EMBARRASSING OR WHAT?

Nuclear button

It is reported that Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un are continuing to trade personal insults, each with a finger on the button.

Two overweight men – that means fat –
Neither that much worth looking at,
Are trading insults day by day,
And these are some things that they say.

Trump calls Kim ‘Little Rocket Man’,
And warns Kim Jong-un that he can,
Eliminate him with great ease,
So not to stock up on the cheese.

At this Kim did not stay silent,
Said Mr Evil President,
And then called him in that regard,
A mentally deranged dotard.

And for the insult Trump had made,
Kim unleashed then a big tirade;
Said in return for his wisecrack,
The USA he would attack.

How this will pan out no-one knows,
They really might both come to blows,
But insults now are not the thing –
And they are so embarrassing!

IS IT THE HAIR?

Barbers somb scissors

It is reported that Boris Johnson has written a major article setting out views of Brexit which are different from the Prime Minister’s while Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un are still lobbing deadly threats and insults at each other.

Some days ago, our Boris J,
Decided it was time to say,
What he thought on this Brexit thing;
So as he saw it he would bring,
Some clarity of word and thought,
With p’rhaps more detail than he ought.

He’d not checked out his words that day,
With his boss – that’s Theresa May,
And so confusion was thus sown,
In case he wanted Ms May’s throne.

Confusion reigned for several days,
Some politicians in a haze,
Until someone said, “With that hair,
He likely does it for a dare.”

He’s not the only one like that:
There’s that Korean who’s too fat;
He launches rockets I’ve heard tell,
And has a strange hairdo as well.

And he is always locking horns,
With that man who himself adorns,
With dolly birds and gilded ware,
And, too, of course that head of hair.

Some people say it is glued on,
While others say it’s just a con,
But if a rocket gets too near,
The answer might at last be clear.

So could bad hair now be the link,
Which propels these three to the brink?
It’s better that we know than not,
In case all three have lost the plot.

BOLLARDS TO YOU!

Lego man

It is reported that Iver District Council in Buckinghamshire, has erected mannequin-style figures as bollards outside a school to slow down the traffic but some of the residents think they are sinister and don’t like them at all. One Irish resident doesn’t like them at all, at all. And Messrs Kim and Trump seem to be edging closer to all-out war.

In Iver, Bucks, outside a school,
The Council thought it might be cool,
To install little girls and boys,
To act as vehicle decoys.

They’re s’posed to make car drivers think,
That they might hit a kiddywink,
About to step onto the road,
And thus slow down the traffic flow.

But volunteers far and few,
And worried they might catch the flu,
They all decided there and then,
Instead to use small Lego men.

These little people, you might guess,
Have been the cause of some distress,
With older people quite afraid,
In case they should the world invade.

But others, of pragmatic mind,
Have either a petition signed,
Or else, if they had clothes to fit,
Have tried to dress them up a bit.

So there’s a policeman, fireman too,
And nurses who can tend to you,
In case the bollards twist and bend,
And you should fall and meet your end.

But now another thought occurs,
As threat of Armageddon stirs:
Despite the threat of all-out war,
And dreadful things perhaps in store,
With lipstick, paint, perhaps a wig,
The villagers could have a dig,
At Donald Trump and Mr Kim,
Whose prospects right now seem quite grim.

I don’t think this would stop a war,
It hasn’t worked like that before,
But it could possibly amuse,
Those who might be the worse for booze!

SPOKE TOO SOON

US Missile Defence

It is reported that North Korea has fired a missile across Japanese air space which then crashed in the sea off the east coast of Japan.

It was just a few days ago,
I said our North Korean Joe,
Seemed to forget what he had said,
Perhaps when he had a sore head.

He said that it was his desire,
To several missiles prime and fire,
Across the sea to Guam, in fact,
Though this would the UN infract.

But it seems that I spoke too soon,
For on Tuesday, well before noon,
They shot one east across the sky,
Above Japan though none knows why.

The Japanese were rather cross,
Which caused Shinzo Abe, their boss,
To complain that it was not right,
To give his people such a fright.

And he spoke to his friend, The Trump,
To try to check he wouldn’t dump,
His friends now in their time of need,
As formerly had been agreed.

We don’t know what they had to say,
And, probably, neither do they,
For Donald Trump, twixt you and me,
Is not known for his clarity!

For now, then, we will have to wait,
For this is likely inchoate,
And there’ll be more news to be had,
With most of it most likely bad.